i called her out

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

hi all,

i have been NC with my BPDex for 2.5 months now (i do work with her on tuesdays and thursdays, but i never speak to her and ignore her). so, i got a tip  a couple weeks ago that she might have an std. i broke NC to ask her about it and got this crazy story that made no sense. that night i was completely fed up with her bullhit so i typed her a brief email. i called her out on a bunch of crazy things she has done and also told her that i blocked her from my phone and all social media. i told her " i am focusing on myself and that means being away from you. honestly, i am 100% positive you have a borderline personality disorder and i will not allow myself to be one of your victims. goodbye"

this did not go over well AT ALL for her. she avoids me like the plague now! it is actually pretty awesome. she asked to be transferred to a different department this week. i hope to god it is for good!

any thoughts?

I also took my STD test and all is well in that regard. thank god

[LA4610]

hi all,

i have been NC with my BPDex for 2.5 months now (i do work with her on tuesdays and thursdays, but i never speak to her and ignore her). so, i got a tip  a couple weeks ago that she might have an std. i broke NC to ask her about it and got this crazy story that made no sense. that night i was completely fed up with her bullhit so i typed her a brief email. i called her out on a bunch of crazy things she has done and also told her that i blocked her from my phone and all social media. i told her " i am focusing on myself and that means being away from you. honestly, i am 100% positive you have a borderline personality disorder and i will not allow myself to be one of your victims. goodbye"

this did not go over well AT ALL for her. she avoids me like the plague now! it is actually pretty awesome. she asked to be transferred to a different department this week. i hope to god it is for good!

any thoughts?

I also took my STD test and all is well in that regard. thank god

[Perfidy]

My thought: have words been an effective communication method with her? The words you spoke to her seem almost aggressive. I understand where you are coming from, however, sometimes it not really what we say but how we say it that is the real communication.

[Tausk]

LA: I sorry for the confusion and pain.  I understand.  You ask any thought?  I'm not quite sure what you are asking?  Are you asking why she responded the way she did?  or Are you asking what steps for you to take now?

Can you tell us more about what you're asking and what you think you might wish to do to move forward?

And my question to you,

Since you're clear of the STD issue, and she's moving on at the workplace, is there any reason to continue to engage in interactions with your ex?  Do you have children or any other ties?

If not, do you feel your last letter provided you some closure? 

It's so hard.  There's no logic or rationality in any of the Disorder.  And letting go is painful and confusing.

Thanks for sharing,

T

[LA4610]

i mean, i guess it might sound a bit agressive, but i meant to be that way. she almost gave me an STD! there is no "true communication" with her.

by any thoughts i meant does anyone have any experience with something like this? will telling her what i told her get her off my back? it seems to be working now

[LA4610]

by getting her off my back i mean doing things like texting me from another number bc she knows i blocked hers (she did this a couple weeks ago)

[Waifed]

i mean, i guess it might sound a bit agressive, but i meant to be that way. she almost gave me an STD! there is no "true communication" with her.

by any thoughts i meant does anyone have any experience with something like this? will telling her what i told her get her off my back? it seems to be working now

Sounds like my story. She continued to text me after I broke it off for two weeks. I then sent her a text telling her that she may have borderline personality disorder. The next day I get a call from the police asking me to never contact her again. 5-1/2 months later and I still haven't heard a peep out of her.

[LA4610]

geez, what did the police say? how can the police tell someone not to contact another person again if you only told her she had BPD? it isn't like you threatened or harassed her!

from reading the boards, it seems like BPDs do not like it one bit when you actually call them out on the craziness and the fact that they have BPD.

[LA4610]

which is a good thing. i finally feel like she will leave me alone! looks like you do too waifed

[Tausk]

If you really want to disengage, as a general rule the best method is to be boring.  :)on't respond with any emotion, drama, or personal attachment.  It's an attachment disorder and requires participation.  

So, figure out a way to depersonalize the situation.  If she texts you from another phone, are you able to simply ignore it and block it?  

By not feeding the disorder, there's a chance that it will extinguish.  Of course there's a chance that there will be a burst of activity before it ends, but if you're committed to maintaining your boundaries in a nonemotional manner, that's generally the rule of advice.  But each interaction between pwBPD is unique.

Do you feel that you are in any danger?  Are you safe?  Are there children involved?

[ShadowDancer]

If you really want to disengage, as a general rule the best method is to be boring.  :)on't respond with any emotion, drama, or personal attachment.  It's an attachment disorder and requires participation.  

So, figure out a way to depersonalize the situation.  If she texts you from another phone, are you able to simply ignore it and block it?  

By not feeding the disorder, there's a chance that it will extinguish.  Of course there's a chance that there will be a burst of activity before it ends, but if you're committed to maintaining your boundaries in a nonemotional manner, that's generally the rule of advice.  But each interaction between pwBPD is unique.

Or, as has been mentioned, just tell her you believe she has BPD. POOF! GONE! After that there was just one final extinction burst some months later and it was at that time I changed all my contact information.

[LA4610]

i refuse to be boring. i am not going to change my life nor personality bc she is mentally ill. i am a happy person now and will continue to be that way.

why do y'all think they flee so hard when you tell them they have BPD? i had told her she needed to get help before, but she just got really really angry. this is different.

[Waifed]

geez, what did the police say? how can the police tell someone not to contact another person again if you only told her she had BPD? it isn't like you threatened or harassed her!

from reading the boards, it seems like BPDs do not like it one bit when you actually call them out on the craziness and the fact that they have BPD.

She claimed that I was harassing her. They asked me not to contact her OR her friends. She didn't want the cat out of the bag!  I started to tell the officer that I could speak to her friends if I wanted to but I didn't push it. Her true colors really came out.  Someone I never knew.

[growing_wings]

i refuse to be boring. i am not going to change my life nor personality bc she is mentally ill. i am a happy person now and will continue to be that way.

why do y'all think they flee so hard when you tell them they have BPD? i had told her she needed to get help before, but she just got really really angry. this is different.

by being boring means, do not engage in drama with the ex. Drama is what they crave, so if you give them drama, they will consider you stil lpart of their play, if you dont give drama, and as waifed say, do not personalized nor share emotions, then this is considered "boring" for the borderline. So they let you go and look for someone who can give them drama and narc supply.

this does not mean your life has to be boring... .

[Cumulus]

Hi LA, I felt myself reacting anxiously when I read your post. It felt like there was so much anger in it. Justifiable anger? From what you wrote, sounds so. Now, what are you going to do with the anger besides write her vindictive emails? Or did the anger go after you wrote it?

[LA4610]

i don't find the letter vindictive at all. i didn't write it with the intent of seeking revenge. what the letter is is THE TRUTH. i think that is why i think she is avoiding me so much now and i am happy for it.

in terms of my anger, it is still there. it probably always will be. what isn't there is my desire to act out on any anger related impulses i have. the letter was prob 8 sentences long, but i told her everything i wanted to ever tell her since we split (including that i was sure she had BPD). for me, that is the closure i wanted.

[Cumulus]

My apologies LA, vindictive was the wrong word to say. I am glad you have found some closure. I wish you well.