Hi
Rbrdkyst4 On a side note: enDad sent an email wishing us a happy anniversary, where they didn't come to the wedding, and accused my wife of being a gold digging whore (and I failed to stand up to them and didn't inspire confidence in my wife). Really pisses me off.
Absolutely charming of your dad basically just an excuse/opportunity to cause you and your beloved pain.
Was the email from your dad before of after NC?
Was it why you went NC?
In ref to you saying about you working on stuff... btw...
.
This came to mind... . validation in everyday is so important. People from all family histories can invalidate... Here's the list I found:
20 Ways you can emotionally invalidate someone : 1. Ordering the person to feel differently
Cheer up.
Don’t cry.
Don’t worry.
Don’t be sad.
Stop whining.
2. Ordering the person to “look” differently
Don’t look so sad.
Don’t look so smug.
Don’t look so down.
Don’t look like that.
Don’t make that face.
3. Denying the person’s perception, defending
But of course I respect you.
But I do listen to you.
That is ridiculous (nonsense, totally absurd, etc.)
I was only kidding.
I honestly don’t judge you as much as you think.
4. Trying to make the person feel guilty While invalidating
I tried to help you.
At least I…
At least you…
You are making everyone else miserable.
You just won’t accept anyone’s help.
5. Trying to Isolate
You are the only one who feels that way.
It doesn’t bother anyone else, why should it bother you?
No one else feels that way.
Nobody has a problem with it except you.
6. Minimizing the feelings
You must be kidding.
It can’t be that bad.
Your life can’t be that bad.
You are just … (being difficult; being dramatic, in a bad mood, tired, etc)
It’s nothing to get upset over.
7. Using reason
There is no reason to get upset.
You are not being rational.
But it doesn’t make any sense to feel that way.
Let’s look at the facts.
But if you really think about it…
8. Debating
I don’t always do that.
It’s not that bad. (that far, that heavy, that hot, that serious, etc.)
I didn’t say that!
That’s not what I meant.
9. Judging & labeling
You are a cry baby.
You have a problem.
You are too sensitive.
You are over-reacting. You are too thin-skinned.
You are way too emotional.
10. Turning Things Around
You are making a big deal out of nothing.
You are blowing this way out of proportion.
You are making a mountain out of a molehill.
11. Trying to get the person to question himself/herself
What is your problem?
What’s wrong with you?
What’s the matter with you?
Why can’t you just get over it?
Can’t you take a joke?
12. Telling the person how he/she “Should” Feel or Act
You should be excited.
You should be thrilled.
You should feel guilty.
You should feel thankful.
You should feel ashamed of yourself.
13. Defending The Other Person
Maybe they were just having a bad day.
I am sure she didn’t mean it like that.
You just took it wrong.
I am sure she means well.
14. Negating, Denial & Confusion
Now you know that isn’t true.
You don’t mean that.
You don’t really mean that.
You are just… (in a bad mood today, tired, cranky)
15. Sarcasm and Mocking
Oh, you poor thing. Did I hurt your little feelings?
What did you think? The world was created to serve you?
What happened to you? Did you get out of the wrong side of bed again?
16. Laying Guilt Trips
Don’t you ever think of anyone but yourself?
What about my feelings?
Have you ever stopped to consider my feelings?
17. Philosophizing Or Cliches
Time heals all wounds.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Life is full of pain and pleasure.
When you are older you will understand.
You are just going through a phase.
It is what it is.
18. Talking about the person when she can hear it
She is impossible to talk to.
You can’t say anything to her.
She’s such a…
19. Showing Intolerance
This is getting really old.
This is getting really pathetic.
I am sick of hearing about it.
20. Making it about you
When I feel that way, I…
You think you have it bad? I once…
Do you ever think about me?
What about my feelings/needs?
That’s nothing. I had it much worse when…