Panic attacks please help

[Pipedreamer25]

My dBPDbf also has PTSD and get horrific panic attacks, when he is not using drugs or alcohol his anxiety is so intense that he can’t leave the house without horrific panic attacks.  He has barely left the house in weeks.  I have had real difficulty getting him to seek medical help and have finally organized a doctor to do a home visit tonight .

I just called from my office to let him know and he had a full on panic attack.   He just kept repeating that no one could help him and it was hopeless.  The usually techniques I use to calm him down didn’t work and he said that the phone was running out of battery and he had to go.  I’m really nervous about tonight.

I’m terrified it’s just going to make him worse and feel more hopeless in the short term.  He is incredibly dismissive of any assistance and will pick apart anything very quickly for eg.  If someone spelt his name wrong then they obviously don’t care about him or aren’t professional and therefore aren’t worth seeing.   He thanked me for setting up the appointment before hanging up and told me he loved me but I’ve never heard him sound so scared.

This whole situation feels so hopeless at the moment.  He has been barely able to do anything for weeks.   Sometimes there are rare moments/ days when he is able to go supermarket shopping with me or help me with dinner but other than that I’ve been doing everything on my own.  I don’t know what to do.  Has anyone else come across that?  Any advice/ support would be really good right now.

Thank you xx

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[krista8521]

Oh God I am so sorry for what he is going through.

I have suffered for years with anxiety disorders and OCD.

When this is happening to him, it feels like pure hell. You feel detached from everything. Nothing feels the same and nothing feels familiar.

I would get week long attacks like that, and then it would just shut off like that. I would reflect and be shocked by my own behavior. What appeared to be the end of the world now looks trivial.

I know this sounds like the typical blah, blah but it really does help. Remind him to take deep breaths through his nose and relax his muscles. His jaw will even be locked up. Remind him over and over to breath and relax his body.

Tell him to ask himself whats the worse then can happen from what I am afraid of right now? chances are he will see the outcome cant be as horrific as his brain is telling him it is.

Remind him that at anytime this panic will just flip off. When it does he will be exhausted for days from it.

Tell him you talked to someone online who has the same thing and he's not alone or crazy. It is very painful to deal with.

Encouraging him to just talk and talk about it will help him reduce some of that panic.

There are some very good videos online (you tube) for meditation and coping with panic attacks. Have him watch some that he sees relevant and appropriate. They can help ease his suffering.

Tell him no one has ever died from a panic attack and it will be over soon.

I wish him peace. 

[Pipedreamer25]

Thanks for that Krista,  normally he does respond well to the breathing techniques etc that you've mentioned but without his normal crutches it's not going so well.   It's really breaking my heart, we can't do anything together anymore. 

I'm sorry that you have suffered with anxiety and OCD and thank you so much for your insight.  I'm a bit concerned that because I'm so stressed about getting him to finally see a doctor that he can read my anxiety and that's making it worse though?

[krista8521]

There is usually a trigger that flips that panic into motion.

I have had a week of hell, mine was triggered by stress caused over someone ripping us off.

I am slowly coming down from it, but many times just facing head on what ever triggered it can be the way to slow the anxiety down or hault it

I would panic also when it got so bad I had to go running into the therapists. He thinks they will say he's crazy and its hopeless. hehehe that's not the case, he needs to just tell you and the doctor what this issue is that has him so panicky.

Once he gets it out, theres way to talk him through it. I have a hard time even uttering whats got me so scared at the moment.

He needs to know theres nothing in this world that cant be dealt with or fixed. He just needs to trust you and the doctor.

I would also encourage him to seek out medication for this, it can help if he gets the right medications.

If he is panicking about drug or alcohol use, just stop. This is something that over time can be healed, no one or anything is hopeless.

[Pipedreamer25]

The hardest part is trying to convince him that it is going to get better.  Telling him this only makes him get more panicky or he just snaps and tells me I don't understand.  He completely and utterly believes he is not going to get better and there's nothing that will convince him otherwise.  Its thinking that BPD never gets better that sets off these panic attacks. 

[krista8521]

It does get better, not sure how old he is?

Mine started in my early 20's and I sounded like what you described him to be now.

There comes a time when you get so burnt out from it that you just don't care anymore.

You start to fullt comprehend the condition and you know how its going to run it course. You learn you never die from these attacks and the fear lessens.

When your in that heightened state it does feel hopeless. You want to cling to anyone or anything that feels like a safe place. You feel vulnerable ,desperate, weak, and needy.

I would find him a doctor that deals specifically with PTSD, OCD, and anxiety disorders. He is going to have to find a doctor he trusts and feels comfortable with.

If he gives them and himself a chance, things do get better. They do.

I am better, my attacks are far and few between now.

Take care both of you.