Emotional Side Swiping

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am hoping some of the long-term members read this, and provide me some insight.

I am at 3 1/2 half months of NC. I have done everything that I can to move on. I have been reading, dating, and exercising like crazy.

I have been doing good, and then out of no where, I get hit with a wave, of missing her like crazy, and wanting to see her. How long will this last. It only happens every few days or so, and sometimes once a week. I want to let go, my head knows, my body knows, but my soul is having issues with all of this.

[node4]

I am hoping some of the long-term members read this, and provide me some insight.

I am at 3 1/2 half months of NC. I have done everything that I can to move on. I have been reading, dating, and exercising like crazy.

I have been doing good, and then out of no where, I get hit with a wave, of missing her like crazy, and wanting to see her. How long will this last. It only happens every few days or so, and sometimes once a week. I want to let go, my head knows, my body knows, but my soul is having issues with all of this.

[Waifed]

Node

6 months NC and it still happens to me more often than I would have ever imagined.  Figuring out how to detach is the key I think but I just have not figured out how to do it.  I go through waves of feeling like I am completely over her but always seem to slip back.  The hurt is almost completely gone but I still get the sinking feeling in my stomach when I am triggered. 

Detaching and Time I think are the keys when you get to this point.

[Tincup]

Node-I have to agree almost word for word with Waifed.  I am not to the point of dating yet (I have my own issue where I actually feel like I would be cheating on her).  But time has helped me, NC has helped me, doing positive things in my life has helped me. 

I do remember when I went through my divorce (from a non pwBPD).  Someone told me that things would jump up and bite me when I least expect it.  I was actually triggered 5 years after my divorce by a song on the radio.  It happens, but continue to push through it.

[Perfidy]

Yup, seems to be normal. I've no argument with love being the strongest human emotion. Nobody seems to be able to pinpoint love. It has many different descriptions and interpretations and we all feel it but don't understand it.

Detachment? Well, physical detachment is easy enough to achieve. Emotional detachment requires disconnecting from a part of your self. Not so easy. In reality, can you disconnect from your self? I think we all see the danger in disconnecting from our selves. I think that to emotionally detach from someone that we loved deeply a part of us has to die. Do you want your hope to die? Do you want your love to die? Do you want your dreams to die? This is what holds us back.

[heartandwhole]

Hi node4,

It's perfectly normal to be hit with waves of grief, it certainly happened to me, and I know it hurts like crazy.    :)etaching is hard.  But with time you begin to change, and your life begins to change for the better.  

Step one is Acknowledgement: (from the side panel on the right -------> When we're dealing with a major loss or strong attachment, we begin our healing by acknowledging and working with our feelings. Acknowledgment doesn't just mean recognizing that we want something badly or that we're feeling loss. When you want something, feel how you want it—find the wanting feeling in your body.

Rather than pushing away the anxiety and fear of losing what you care about, let it come up and breathe into it the same way. And when you're experiencing the hopelessness of actual loss, allow it in. Let yourself cry.

It's helpful to do healthy activities and keep your mind occupied.  We just don't want to let that become a way to avoid feeling.

You are right on track, node4.  Keep writing and asking questions.  We're here for you.

 

[winston72]

Hey Node... . I have common experiences with you and each of the posts on this thread.  I wish I didn't, but I do!

I think the question of duration has to do with the depth of the issues within me that extend beyond the ruptured relationship.  I am working on those in therapy.  The broken relationship opened up a large set of issues that I am embracing.  

Detachment is a process.  The goal of the process is to diminish the distraction from the lingering sadness and longing for the failed relationship.  To enable the process to be effective is takes some discipline and effort.  

Have you tried the lessons that are on the right hand side of this page?  I read through them when I first joined this site, but did not apply myself to them with purpose.  It is worth giving it some focus.  I find that I will drift and swirl around in the whirlpool of nostalgia, longing and pain until I decide the work on change.  It doesn't sound too sexy, but it is the way forward.