Firstly... . I have already detached and I am totally free of her, in that my mind does not think about her at all. I holidayed in Vietnam for the entire month of January and completely forgot about my woes, the abuse, etc etc. I had the time of my life and would highly recommend Vietnam if you want to forget about your worries and find purpose and focus on your life ahead. When I suggested Vietnam, another member here urged me to do it, so I did. It "cured" me of everything - the sleepless nights, the bad memories, the constant re-evaluation, etc etc. but more importantly, while I was already detached she was still living rent-free in my head and a nice holiday stopped that overnight.
I Was Arrested Last Week - the Night Before our Court CaseAs I was preparing for bed to get a good rest before the next day’s court hearing, the police knock on my door at 11:30pm and arrested me for an alleged breach of an interim restraining order. I suggested that this was an attempt to have me arrested and miss court, or just have me thrown in jail and be done with the court case. Did I really harass her the day before at 7:20pm?
Well, at that time I was in the middle of a lengthy non-stop online chat when my chat partner asked what I was doing so I took a photo of myself lying on the sofa, sent it and replied "lying back and chatting with you". The photo has a digital signature which shows it was taken at 7:30pm - hardly enough time to get to her place, harass her and get back home, all while chatting online and driving. The police released me without charge.
Our legal team consisted of two lawyers and two barristers. It cost me $12,000-00 in legal fees plus $550 to take everybody out to lunch afterwards. As we left the courtroom my wife was crying and the new guy was yelling “you short f****ing c**t” at the lead barrister and posturing to punch him and then did it to my daughter.
Quick Background:My uBPD wife was highly dysregulated for the entire month of July 2013. As soon as I paid for her cosmetic breast enhancement surgery, she started the total de-valuation like never before. I knew this was it and started plotting my escape. As soon as she would go back to work in three more days, I would take my things and go. But... .
Late one night she was drunk, asked me for sex and I said "no". Well, for her that was the ultimate rejection and proof of abandonment. She rang the heavily built thug I saw her with a week earlier (being a sound engineer, I pay attention to sounds and I recognised his thuggish voice when he answered while on speakerphone). She simply said, "It's time". After the call, she told me to get out of there before he arrives because he was going to kill me. I called the police.
She called him again, handed me the phone and he threatened me. The police came, offered me a restraining order. They advised they would subpoena her mobile phone records to prove she called the thug but ultimately it would be my word against theirs. I declined, not wanting to see my wife with the new guy in court and having them lie and laugh their way through it. More importantly, it was not safe for me to sleep in my home that night or any other night so I asked the police to wait while I packed my home office and some clothes and follow me down the road until they were sure I was not being followed.
How Did I feel About All This?I was shocked, shaken and disturbed that the person I sacrificed my own happiness for had plotted to harm me and had so much hatred – a level of hatred I never knew was possible. On the other hand she made it way too easy for me to instantly exit the FOG as her actions were inexcusable and beyond redemption and I wasn't going to miss this opportunity.
Sleep was difficult and I would wake up suffocating. It was winter and I had to sleep with the window wide open to get some air. I felt I was in a state of shock. I would go to bed and read – a sudden wave of tiredness would come over me and I would fall asleep immediately. This wave of tiredness felt like a huge weight on my head that would suddenly weigh me down, shutting my body down and pushing me into a deep sleep. BPD Family, going back to my therapist and support from family and friends helped immensely.
In the month of dysregulation she asked if I had ever had a "punch-up with anybody - a fist fight" while staring into space as if she could visualise it. I asked what kind of question that was and as if not hearing me she continued, “but I don't want you to get hurt". How was it up to her if I get hurt or not? A fist fight with who exactly? All too hard so I didn't even go there but it was another sign that it was well and truly over and she was convinced that the abandonment was not only imminent but had already occurred.
Reason For The Court Case Last Week:After separation I asked the police to escort me to the house to collect my things and they agreed. I swung by on the day and they did not have anyone available. They suggested I go ahead and call them if there was any trouble. I advised I would be calling them in ten minutes - even though there would be nobody home, she would be there in a matter of minutes as she works just around the corner and would have our retired neighbour on high alert.
I had a load-out crew and an 8 tonne removalist truck booked. My driving license was suspended the day before so my daughter insisted on driving me. We knocked on the door just to be sure there was nobody home and the thug was inside. We popped the garage roller door and proceeded to remove $30,000 worth of my industrial business stock from the garage. My daughter ran down the driveway while calling Emergency Services and says they guy came out with a baseball bat threatening to kill both her and me.
There is a scuffle while the thug new guy tries to punch one of my crew and he is restrained. He tries it again on another guy. He assaults me. The wife comes home from work and raging, punches my daughter in the face. A plain clothes police officer approaches the garage and she throws a metal object, hitting him in the chest. The police officer tackles her to the ground. Loverboy runs to the officer and says, “she didn’t know you were a police officer”. So what? An assault is an assault.
How Did This Fracas End Up? The police send my daughter with her swollen jaw to hospital by ambulance. A medical report says my daughter was assaulted. Some of my crew decide they don’t want to give statements to the police and seeing as she assaulted a police officer an assault charge was guaranteed even without their help.
Well, the next day the police issued a restraining order against my daughter. I ask the police officer to explain and he said, “let’s just say they were more believable than you”. I ask how he could take the word of a convicted drug dealer (the new guy) and he says it has nothing to do with it – it has to do with what happened in the garage the previous day. I ask him why then, does my daughter’s restraining order say that I take and spend all my wife’s money – did he think that happened in the garage that day?” He said no and I am still waiting for him to tell me why he included such a disparaging comment. We were surprised and dumbfounded.
What we didn’t know was that while we were removing my property, the police in the house photographed the deep scratches on my wife’s chest - she claimed that my daughter punched and scratched her! The photos of her scratches show her wearing a low-cut blouse yet during the fracas she was wearing a collared shirt, round-neck jumper, covering her chest completely, and a long overcoat. My daughter did not lay a finger on her.
My wife went to the police station the next day and convinced the police to issue a restraining order against me as well and I was served later that night. The witnesses who refused to give statements on the day were so surprised with the outcome that they stepped forward to give evidence in court.
The Court BattleWe went to court and advised that we did not accept the restraining orders and would be contesting them. We also applied for our own restraining orders against them which they refused to accept so a date for a full two-day hearing was set.
The Court HearingThe possible outcomes were that we get restraining orders, or she gets restraining orders or we all get restraining orders or we all just get thrown out of court and told to grow up. She needed a restraining order against me and was prepared to accept one against her. And so we did that.
During negotiations, the lawyers went away to nut out the deal. The lead barrister has only just come in on the matter and so he did not recognise the new guy but guessed it was him in that meeting. He says to the wife’s lawyer and the police prosecutor, “who the f**k is this c***t – he looks like a bouncer in a brothel”. So new guy who did not have a lawyer refused our offer insisting on a full hearing because he is an “innocent party” to all this. So we dropped our application for orders against him.
So that should have been it but…
New guy stands up and seeks costs of $3,000 against us. Magistrate asks how that would be possible when he doesn’t have a lawyer and he says he used a lawyer for the last three court mentions and it cost him $3,000. I step up to our barrister and whisper in his ear that this guy has NEVER shown up in court with a lawyer and that he was lying. He continues with his pathetic little sob story of how he receives a disability pension, is his aged mother’s full-time carer for which he receives $60 per week in a carer’s pension and he can ill-afford the $3,000 spent on the lawyer that nobody saw.
He continues to tell the magistrate that he was simply acting as a security guard because he knows what I’m like apparently as when I left her in 2011 I supposedly….
Emptied HER house (not our house, but HER house!)
Removed all the taps and flooded the house
Urinated in all the rooms
Stole $40,000 worth of jewellery from her
(I had never heard this one before)
Generally trashed the house, and so on.
The magistrate kept looking at the straight blank look on my face. I could not blink. New guy actually believes all this. He should have exercised due diligence and asked her to see the police report, the insurance claims, photos/videos of the trashed house, etc. This guy is actually dumber than we thought and probably mentally impaired as a result of abusing bodybuilding steroids. I had taken photos of the house before leaving with witnesses in the photos.
Only one truth came out of his mouth at this time - that one of my guys threatened to kill him at the garage when he was restrained from punching one of us and he pointed to the guy’s statement where the guy states that and thereby stops him from considering assaulting anybody else.
The magistrate asked if any of that fits into Section XX which relates to awarding costs and he says he’s not a lawyer and doesn’t know. Magistrate asks the police prosecutor to show him Section XX and help him see to see how he might qualif for a costs order in his favour.
At this point my barrister comes over to me and whispers, “My God, look at your wife’s f****ing big boobs”. I whisper back, “I paid for those”. Stunned, he says in a loud and surprised voice for all to hear, “They’re plastic?” I gently say yes. He says, again in a loud voice, “plastic”. I say in an equally loud voice, “Yes, plastic”. He shakes his head, goes back to the bar table and says, “Your Honour, if Mr X paid a lawyer, where is the Cost Agreement between him and that lawyer? he doesn't have one ofcourse and so the wise Magistrate refuses to award costs and we’re all sent home.
I approach the door and the jerk jumps in my way, holding the door open and blocking my egress. He calls to my wife who was not ready to exit the courtroom so I step back and turn around to chat with my party and let them pass. They take a seat immediately outside the courtroom door. As we walk past I suggest we have lunch at a new exclusive restaurant just up the street and announce “lunch is on me” now knowing that new guy can’t afford the wife. As usual, I never once looked at my wife in court but when somebody moved I saw her behind them - I turned my head before my eyes could focus on her face and I wasn't going to look at her now.
My daughter says my wife was crying as we walked past. We go around the corner and wait for the elevator. New guy comes around where we could see him and yells to my barrister “you short f***ing c***t. A policeman seated in the line of verbal fire doesn’t know what to do. My barrister makes fun of him and I say, “Bob, he’s a ’roid rager, leave him alone. And don’t forget he’s a convicted drug dealer”. He postures as if he is about to race over and beat us senseless.
We step into the elevator and my daughter tilts her head to see if he’s still standing there. He gives her the one-fingered the salute (raising of the middle finger). She respectfully returns the salute and he charges towards the elevator and with the closing of the doors we are whisked down to the safety of the lobby.
We have a nice lunch and everybody leaves. The barrister calls me and says, “I just saw your wife and that c**t walking up the street. They must have gone to Chinatown for a cheap meal. I honked the horn, waved to them and yelled ‘you f****ing c***t’ and the guy lunged forward to hit me even though he was across the street”. Not only did this barrister do a good job but he entertained us as well.
NextSettlement. Our law provides for a division of assets based on contributions. This gives me substantially more than 50%. She has already asked for 100% and one of my registered business names.
ConclusionWhy was she crying? Why did she so desperately need an AVO against me and was prepared to allow me to have one against her? The brainlessness and the cluelessness of the new guy is just astounding and this makes him very dangerous.
Conflict is important to them. Hoodwinking others to support them is an art they have mastered well. I asked my barrister when this will end and he said, "when you leave the country". Well, there's this girl waiting for me in Vietnam and she just loved the photo I sent her lying back on the sofa that night - the photo that saved me from being charged by police for something I didn't do. I'm getting a good feeling about this girl already.
