Like a unicorn!
Unicorns don't exist. If it seems to good to be true it probably is.
Loved what I loved, listened to my every word and made me feel like a king! She was so adventurous and was like breath of fresh air! But as time has gone on the sex had gotten rougher, more degrading (towards her) and she's even calling me 'daddy' (I've asked her to stop as I'm 15 years older) but she says it turns her on.
How old is she now?
When we first start dating she admitted to me the following:
- was dating a 24yr old when she was 13. Was forced to perform many sex acts and watch degrading pornography. Was physically abused by this guy. She says it was her first boyfiend and sex partner.
I really hope this isn't true but there is a population of people with BPD who have experienced sexual trauma.
I'm not disgusted by her. I'm disgusted by this man. He belongs in jail and listed as a sex offender.
Let's be clear here this man has molested and sexually abused a prepubescent/adolescent child and continued to abuse her for many years. This would traumatize almost anyine and severely skew the person's view on sex, intimacy and relationships unless the person had a caring and compassionate therapist. From the looks of the 13 age it doesn't seem like there was adequate parenting either.
- had a 3 some with two male friends
- had sex with her teacher in high school. She said it was so exciting for her.
- gave oral sex to many guys.
About 4 months into out relationship we were discussing past history. She said she lied about it and said she only had sex with 3 guys, no teacher and engaged in a 3 way with her boyfriend and best fiend (female). She also admitted that her and the best friend had done a lot with each other sexually.
The straw for me was last Friday after we had sex for whatever reason she got into the topic
Of teachers and facebook. She mentioned this teacher again and I just slipped it in about having sex with this guy. Without even skipping a beat she admitted to having sex with this guy twice in his car. I came home and vomited. This was also I addition to her lying to my face about spending $$$ and 'sharing' my wealth with her best friend.
So she continued to be engaged in both consensual and inappropriate sexual relationships... . One with a teacher (which I mostly find myself thinking about the abuse of power and responsibility as the adult this adult had regardless of her statement that she thought it was exciting).
If any part of this is true, and considering the back and forth she fluctuated between I'd bank on part of it being true, she has been through some very sad and very destructive sexual experiences in her formative years. This is going to carry shame and other issues especially if she is trying to hid this from a boyfriend who has feels disgusted by this type of history.
I dont mean to hurt you here or minimize your pain from this relationship. The disorder is very real mental illness sometimes triggered by real abuse. It can create longstanding patterns and coping styles that have destructive consequences for both relationships and the person suffering from.
These people are dangerous. I'm just glad I didn't marry her and have kids.
She sounds more dangerous to herself. If you read on the parenting a child with BPD (don't post unless you have a child with BPD) you can read all kinds of stories where children with BPD get involved with the wrong kind of crowd or people just to feel belonging even when it's abusive and dangerous. It can be pretty desperate. I'd posit anyone that has been through what she's been thru starting at 13 (just picture a junior high school student for a second) might not be in the best position to know what normal is.
It may be good to look at the value you place on the sexual chemistry of this relationship. It may be too much. Is the sex part the thing that hurts the most?