should I worry about the smear campaign

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

How do others here deal with the story's she spreads

People that have know me for awhile probably won't believe all of what she say anyway. Many of our mutual friends knew us both for years wondered what happened to the evil, drama queen, She used to be before finding me. Most where amazed how nice she became when we fell in love with each other. So I'm sure many will see past the lies.

I've never been one to worry to much about what others think anyway I know what I am like. Thinking about it I've defended her reputation more times in the last two and half years than I ever defended mine and still would not spread lies about her.

[itsnotme567]

How do others here deal with the story's she spreads

People that have know me for awhile probably won't believe all of what she say anyway. Many of our mutual friends knew us both for years wondered what happened to the evil, drama queen, She used to be before finding me. Most where amazed how nice she became when we fell in love with each other. So I'm sure many will see past the lies.

I've never been one to worry to much about what others think anyway I know what I am like. Thinking about it I've defended her reputation more times in the last two and half years than I ever defended mine and still would not spread lies about her.

[LettingGo14]

When I talked about the smear campaign with my T, she pointed to a coffee cup on her table, and said that is how significant it is in the big picture.   She also reminded me that other people tire quickly of listening to drama.   

My uBPDxgf tried to hook my sister and parents into her campaign.  Stepping back, with benefit of some time and perspective, it was laughable.

It's not fun.  But, we will survive.

[seeking balance]

 

To be honest, you can worry about it, but that is not going to help with your peace of mind or help you detach.

People who know you will see the truth in time - patterns of behavior are hard to ignore.  The people who believe her ... . well, you likely would let them go anyway.

If asked directly by someone, tell the truth, but try not to get caught up in any extra drama.  My 2 cents, no need to worry - plenty of other things to think about.

Peace,

SB

[MrFox]

Don't let it get to you.  I have weathered six months of a smear campaign that included accusations of being a sexual predator.  I have, at this point, lost zero friends over it.  The people that know me know I'm not what she says I am.  A good deal of the people who know her think she is crazy and a liar.  One of her "friends" even told me me that she thought my ex was crazy.

In the end, it is attention getting behavior.  They want attention from you and other people.  Don't feed into it.  Live your life, figure out what it was that drew you to someone like your ex.  If any one asks you about it, tell the truth.  There is no need to engage in a campaign of your own.  Don't sink to the level of your ex.

Anyone who buys into the smear campaign isn't someone you need in your life.

[Tausk]

It's difficult and frustrating.  And it's irrelevant whether the smear campaign is even close to the truth, the pwBPD believes it to be the truth. 

So, for me it was very important to try to depersonalize the situation.  If there were no real negative consequences, which was the case for 99% of the things, then I just depersonalized it and ignored it. 

I had to tell a couple of people who I need to interact with and need to be able to trust me, that she has a disorder, and that all I asked is that they keep an open mind, and judge me based on my direct actions with them.

And then I had to document some things that were in relation to a police complaint.

And I had to set clear boundaries with my ex about what I would tolerate and what I would respond to.  My ex needed to vent.  Needs to believe I am evil.  That's why she is justified in how she cheated on me.  She can not take responsibility for her own actions.  And she can not think that I might have some good in me, because she's all or nothing in thought process.  It's the Disorder.

So, my actions in the long run have dictated how others have responded to me, and those people of any type of health understand the situation.  Those who have judged me evil from the words of my ex, are not people of enough substance to want in my life. 

And any encroachment of boundaries that I absolutely needed to address, I did so without emotion or defense, just the cold dead pan truth.

[itsnotme567]

Thanks for all the input pretty much goes along with what I was thinking