She could never really commit to anything

[BorisAcusio]

My exBPDgf could neve commit to anything, always backed out things we planned together then complaining about our relationship doesn't go anywhere.

Do you have similar experiences?

[Surnia]

Hi BorisAcusio

Its frustrating when you have plans and together and your partner is canceling it. Many of us were there, me too (with someone with N traits).

We can line up a lot of examples - I think more interesting is to think about what could be a reason doing so and how we deal with it.

One reason could be not be able to say NO. Something important in a rs, its good when you can say this and when it is accepted.

Regarding traveling: Fear about changes? I think some people do have big problems to change something. They would like but then they get cold feet.

Just some thoughts here.

[growing_wings]

contributing to your post with the suggestion from Surnia, i have an example with an explanation that was given to me

as per your case borisA, we would both agree to do stuff together, then, last minute she would back off. a few times she told me (In a calm manner i may add) that she was backing off because she did not feel under "control" or balanced, and that she preferred to wait to get to a more "balanced" state before relating with people or hurting them, so she told me she prefers to withdraw than to cause problems...

I did understand this, and felt compassion for her. at times she really wanted to avoid hurting people.

In my view, she did not intend to hurt others intentionally, she just couldn't help hurting deeply those close to her. I got too close... .