Healing is not linear. It can feel like one step forward and two back sometimes.
You have a lot to process. PD wife and you grew up in a PD household. I also have a parent who is likely to be BPD. Have you explored all that with a therapist?
I had been on the couch for about two years - about a year prior to the split up... . and then about a year after.
The talk of any PD never came up explicitly, but it was more how I was dealing with things that were going on. But during our talks, as I see it now, they were leaning towards saying it without saying it.
I asked once if we could stop focusing on my (soon to be) ex and what was my diagnosis... . but that never happened. I look at it now and it probably was because they knew I had no diagnosis to have except I was always involving myself with PD folks. And in retrospect... . I surely had.
I mean, I look at all of my relationships now - in hindsite - and that is exactly what I did. And even relationships where the folks were not PD... . I still acted in the way I was conditioned.
That is to say, I went out of my way to try and calm them down and correct in me whatever the issue may have been to get them upset (even if I didn't do anything wrong).
I see it plain as day now.
When I'm able to get back into therapy, I will certainly bring this up. I don't need my councelor to help me detach any longer or help me understand why I was in such a crazy making relationship.
I just wondered why I got to a point where I somehow talked myself into the doubt again.
Must be mindful when that happens and snap myself out of it. It is more ingrained in me than I thought.
