Extinction burst

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I believe an extinction burst is occurring for the dBPDexgf. Several weeks ago, just before valentines day she approached me out of the blue after months of no contact. I didn't communicate with her. I refused to engage her.

Last night I was chatting with a new female friend after going to dinner with her, and the ex started blowing my phone up. I had her number blocked but I'm thinking that those blocks must expire, or else she knew a way to unblock. I don't know. I didn't answer.

Today I learned from my daughter that the ex came over to our home and let herself in the unlocked front door while I was out with my friend. My daughter called the police and reported it. The policeman told her that a restraining order would be appropriate. I agree.

[Perfidy]

I believe an extinction burst is occurring for the dBPDexgf. Several weeks ago, just before valentines day she approached me out of the blue after months of no contact. I didn't communicate with her. I refused to engage her.

Last night I was chatting with a new female friend after going to dinner with her, and the ex started blowing my phone up. I had her number blocked but I'm thinking that those blocks must expire, or else she knew a way to unblock. I don't know. I didn't answer.

Today I learned from my daughter that the ex came over to our home and let herself in the unlocked front door while I was out with my friend. My daughter called the police and reported it. The policeman told her that a restraining order would be appropriate. I agree.

[GreenMango]

Is your daughter ok?  That could have been scary for her.

It may be your ex is reaching a frustration point and not getting the attention she wants.  If the police recommend an restraining order I'd listen.

What areyou going to do?

[Perfidy]

Tomorrow I'm filing the to. Yes it freaked my daughter out. She's ok but the ex was standing over her when she woke up from sleeping on the couch in the living room. My daughter said the ex reeked of alcohol.

[RecycledNoMore]

This is seriously disturbing news perfidy.

Im glad your daughter is ok.

How are you holding up?

I hope for both your sakes the r0 works.

[Perfidy]

I'm still processing this latest event. So weird.

[growing_wings]

Tomorrow I'm filing the to. Yes it freaked my daughter out. She's ok but the ex was standing over her when she woke up from sleeping on the couch in the living room. My daughter said the ex reeked of alcohol.

gosh... this is weird and scary... .

safety is first... locking all the doors + restraining order

wish you well

[Perfidy]

I was on a second date with a lady that I'm getting to know, and a skeleton fell out of the closet. Bad timing.

[Perfidy]

Ok, this has been messing with my mind now. I believe it's only natural to feel this way.

Apparently the ex is having a falling out with the replacement. It must be an ongoing deterioration. I feel sorry for her. I haven't been speaking to her. When she spoke with my daughter the other night, my daughter said she was in tears. A crises. This brought back memories of when I rescued her the first time. The floodgates are opening, the pattern is repeating. I'm am tempted. Can you see how hard this is? I wish I could help her, I know I can't. I can't trust her. She is an industrial grade manipulator. This person doesn't love me. I will never know who this person is. I was in love with a reflection of my self being projected by a chameleon. It's not what I think it is. The relationship led me to the darkest place in my life so far. I must focus on my self but now, I have to keep an eye on her. Ok, this is getting complicated.

[Perfidy]

The block on her number expired after 120 days. I was not aware of this.

[Waifed]

I can only imagine how hard it is to be dealing with this. Even though I feel pretty healed I am afraid I would struggle if she showed up at my door even though I know I am just a name on a rotating list.

[janey62]

Ok, this has been messing with my mind now. I believe it's only natural to feel this way.

Apparently the ex is having a falling out with the replacement. It must be an ongoing deterioration. I feel sorry for her. I haven't been speaking to her. When she spoke with my daughter the other night, my daughter said she was in tears. A crises. This brought back memories of when I rescued her the first time. The floodgates are opening, the pattern is repeating. I'm am tempted. Can you see how hard this is? I wish I could help her, I know I can't. I can't trust her. She is an industrial grade manipulator. This person doesn't love me. I will never know who this person is. I was in love with a reflection of my self being projected by a chameleon. It's not what I think it is. The relationship led me to the darkest place in my life so far. I must focus on my self but now, I have to keep an eye on her. Ok, this is getting complicated.

You're right Perfidy, you can't help her and you can't trust her! 

You were doing so well keeping thoughts of her at bay.  I would suggest that you put the block back on your phone and get a RO!  Anything else would be insane troll logic, going backwards, like reversing your car with your eyes shut!

I wish with all my heart that I could help my exwBPD.  I long for the times, and there were many, when we were happy and in love and I vowed to myself that I would stand by him in spite of his illness.  But what you said,

This person doesn't love me. I will never know who this person is. I was in love with a reflection of my self being projected by a chameleon. It's not what I think it is. The relationship led me to the darkest place in my life so far.

these words are the truth, for you and me and all of us!

You're a good man and she will take advantage of that fact, hence her reappearance when she is needy, she knows you care and are feeling this way.

Stay strong.  It will get better... .  

Janey xx

[woodsposse]

I was on a second date with a lady that I'm getting to know, and a skeleton fell out of the closet. Bad timing.

Yup.  Been there done that.

A few months after the split I was out on a date for my birthday.  In the middle of dinner I get a very emotional text saying "You will finally get your wish and I won't be around anymore to bother you.  I just got diagnosed with cancer".

I was so upset my only reply was "Who said I wanted you dead?"  I was totally beside myself with the text (mind you, it played out a little longer than I just described... . I just cut to the chase).

Totally threw me off my game... . and I was having such a fantastic night.

A few days later I calmed down enough and my empathy level rose a bit to be concerned.  I mean, hell, we were together 20 years.  If she just got diagnosed with cancer I know how big of a deal this could be so I allowed her to come to the house so we could discuss her medical condition.

That conversation lasted all of 5 minutes - with the end result being she wasn't diagnosed with anything.  A general practitioner suggested getting a lymphnode checked out to make sure it wasn't cancer. 

In all honesty - I know believe this actually never happened.  because, after that - she never did the followup, never had a biopsy - and never spoke of cancer ever again.

But we did spend the rest of the conversation talking about my new g/f (she had just found out I started dating) and how us getting a divorce would be a mistake... . how she is sorry for her impulsive decision to leave and wished it could be different.  But the reality of it was - the dude she was involved with turned out to be a douche and she wasn't getting what she wanted so she turned to her old supply... . me - plus, she didn't want anyone else to want me so why not come back and put hooks back into me.

It didn't work.  The only thing it did was prolong the detachment. 

In your case, try and be safe and protect yourself and your daughter.

[HealingForMe]

pwBPD seem to have an ability to seek out empathetic people like you. I understand it hurts to see her in crisis & you want to help, no matter how much your logical self knows thats a bad idea. You cant help her, only she can help herself.

You must put yourself & your daughter first & get that restraining order. For her to wake up with the exBPD standing over her in tears smelling of alcohol would be very frightening & is a scary dangerous situation. Gently make sure your daughter always locks the doors now & get that RO.

Stay strong & good luck with your new r/s