Trying to transition to friends

[numby]

Hi, I'm new to this site.

I've read a lot over the last six months. Most everything I read warns against trying to remain friends with an ex who has BPD. However, much of what I've read seems to apply to acting-out types who could be categorized as expressing BPD behavior at the severe level.

My ex (currently separated slowly moving toward filing the divorce papers) falls more into the mild to moderate acting-in category. We're trying to be friends... . I think we love each other and we both understand our relationship was unhealthy. We were a married same-sex couple, together and monogamous for 26 years. Nonetheless, even mild to moderate BPD took its toll day by day until I finally had to leave.

There is no section on this board for those working through splitting up with a BPD person and trying to transition to a non-romantic friend relationship. The truth is, my ex is like my family. I have as much love and genuine care for him as I do my brother or sister or anyone else in my family.

I wish him well on his road to recovery and I hope he can build a fulfilling life for himself as in individual or in another relationship with someone where they are both emotionally healthy and able to be interdependent. He hasn't split me off to the dark side yet for more than a couple of hours at a time, and that only happened twice as he was coming to terms with my leaving him. ... . then he comes around and is aware he was out of control.

I realize if he becomes more unstable or his distortions and projections become more predominant that things may change and one of us will just decline to spend any time together or talk. But for now we are both trying to focus on healing. Me, more so from the relationship an him, from BPD in general. Now that he knows why he behaves the way he does.

Does anyone have any insight on the differences in ability to transition to a non-romantic relationship based on severity of the BPD disorder?

[GreenMango]

Emotional detachment, excellent boundaries and good communication.

Emotional detachment as is not getting overly involved.

Defining and living value based boundaries.

Learning about the staying tools of validation and SET (support empathy truth)

A lot of it is b how you handle things and what you can control... . like how close you get with a friendship Iin mind.

have you checked out the staying board lessons?  What do you imagine the friendship tp be like?