I'd like to share this symbolic dream with you...

[Depression = 72% of members]

a couple of weeks ago I had a very intense, frightening dream that is still in the back of my mind, I'd like to share it because it was so symbolic for people who deal with (ex)BPD-loved ones... .

the dream was centered around a building somewhere in a bare landscape. I was there with a couple of people and we were about to go inside.

Along came an immense, frightening black stallion which was about two meters of height. The horse wanted to get inside too, but that was impossible since it was so huge and possibly dangerous to us and to damage all the furniture inside.

I remember a big part of the dream was about us people trying to escape from that horse that was circling around the building, it was a terriffying feeling because I knew it was on the point to break inside and smash us under its hoofs in its anger and despair.

Then suddenly I was outside that building and still running away from the horse, but since I went in the open air I now had the feeling that I had to go to the animal to confront it and maybe try to calm it down... at that point I woke up 

The morning after it was only too clear that I had been dreaming about my ex and I remembered suddenly that I not only had experienced an intense, panicking fear in my dream, but also a lot of grief, I had felt very well that underneath the anger of the horse was a lot of pain, it felt rejected and was all on its own. I knew it would not have hurt us deliberatedly if we had invited it inside.

these are the exact feelings that I'm struggling with ever since I broke up with my ex; fear for his anger and the damage he's causing, but also the sadness for what he's going through and the knowledge that he will be excluded from people so many times more in his life... .

[lemon flower]

a couple of weeks ago I had a very intense, frightening dream that is still in the back of my mind, I'd like to share it because it was so symbolic for people who deal with (ex)BPD-loved ones... .

the dream was centered around a building somewhere in a bare landscape. I was there with a couple of people and we were about to go inside.

Along came an immense, frightening black stallion which was about two meters of height. The horse wanted to get inside too, but that was impossible since it was so huge and possibly dangerous to us and to damage all the furniture inside.

I remember a big part of the dream was about us people trying to escape from that horse that was circling around the building, it was a terriffying feeling because I knew it was on the point to break inside and smash us under its hoofs in its anger and despair.

Then suddenly I was outside that building and still running away from the horse, but since I went in the open air I now had the feeling that I had to go to the animal to confront it and maybe try to calm it down... at that point I woke up 

The morning after it was only too clear that I had been dreaming about my ex and I remembered suddenly that I not only had experienced an intense, panicking fear in my dream, but also a lot of grief, I had felt very well that underneath the anger of the horse was a lot of pain, it felt rejected and was all on its own. I knew it would not have hurt us deliberatedly if we had invited it inside.

these are the exact feelings that I'm struggling with ever since I broke up with my ex; fear for his anger and the damage he's causing, but also the sadness for what he's going through and the knowledge that he will be excluded from people so many times more in his life... .

[Surnia]

Hi triss

very strong pictures in your dream! And a lot of very important emotions in it.

Sometimes I think it is interesting too at which moment we woke up.

I can feel the deep sadness in your lines about him being excluded.

Thank you for sharing this, tries. 

[growing_wings]

these are the exact feelings that I'm struggling with ever since I broke up with my ex; fear for his anger and the damage he's causing, but also the sadness for what he's going through and the knowledge that he will be excluded from people so many times more in his life... .

hi Triss, thanks for sharing!

dreaming is a powerful way to process things/feelings for us. Dreams can sometimes help us to understand what are are going through (or repressing) in our wake life.  As you say above you can relate your dream with the feelings of struggling in your life since your b/u... . so my advice? just let the feelings/ dreams pass by, be aware of them and let them go... .

i used to dream a lot of my ex in the weeks close to the b/u... . gosh it was hard... now is less intense... .

for how long have you been NC?

[lemon flower]

hello growing wings,

I am not NC, we do LC, we see eachother usually once or twice a week.

I'm attempting to stay friends with him, partly because I feel he really needs my support (he's very low-functioning at this moment, having all kinds of trouble) and partly because I can't miss him either, I do think we should be friends, but it's not easy, and I know one day he 'll probably reject me anyway, when the disorder will make him shift to devaluating, but for now it's fine.

the fear and panic I felt in that dream come from the trouble I experienced with him (there have been times that he really acted violently towards me and that I was truly afraid of him) but the biggest fear that hunts me now is probably the fear of being "recycled" and not having a clue what is best to do... .

this being-friends is so complicated, the perfect item for some new topics I'd say  

[Surnia]

Hi triss

it doesn't have to be NC - it needs however a lot of awareness to stand your ground and not being recycled and stay in a "friends like" distance... .

Do you have some mantras or other things helping you to keep this in mind?

[growing_wings]

this being-friends is so complicated, the perfect item for some new topics I'd say  

triss, you are spot on, being friends with a exwBPD is super complicated. I have a thread going on (I Have created it) as i wanted to remain friends with my ex to precisely help her.

take a look, the answers from other members & contributions are excellent

I will ask you the same question Seeking balance (one of the senior members here) told me:

from the article:

Ten Beliefs That Can Get You Stuck - Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder

which belief is what gets you stuck?

[lemon flower]

this being-friends is so complicated, the perfect item for some new topics I'd say  

triss, you are spot on, being friends with a exwBPD is super complicated. I have a thread going on (I Have created it) as i wanted to remain friends with my ex to precisely help her.

Hello GW, where can I find this thread exactly ?

[lemon flower]

Hi triss

it doesn't have to be NC - it needs however a lot of awareness to stand your ground and not being recycled and stay in a "friends like" distance... .

Do you have some mantras or other things helping you to keep this in mind?

hi Surnia,

yes I have a personal mantra: I'll copy it in the next post :-)

the "mantra" that I keep on repeating endlessly to my ex and that I truly believe in is:

1. we're coöperating much better in a friendship than in a partnerrelationship,

2. a friendship will last much longer than another relationship-attempt,

these are reasons that he can understand rationally because we are proving it right now: we have much better times now than we had before and  we are allready keeping contact for 5 months now after the split

I know he has difficulties with the concept of "friendship" and we experience it differently but so be it, it will evolve, for better or for worse... .

[lemon flower]

these are my mantra's

"when another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over.

He does not need punishment; he needs help."

- Thich Naht Hanh-

and this one's from my favourite popsong, it could have been written for BPD-partners isn't it ?  

"I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon

After all I knew it had to be something to do with you

I really don't mind what happens now and then

As long as you'll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman

If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand

I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might

Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak

But still your secrets I will keep

You took for granted all the times I never let you down

You stumbled in and bumped your head

If not for me then you would be dead

I picked you up and put you back on solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman... . "

- 3 doors down, "kryptonite"

[Surnia]

This is a great mantra, triss! Thank you for sharing it. 

these are my mantra's

"when another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over.

He does not need punishment; he needs help."

- Thich Naht Hanh-

[HealingForMe]

Hey Triss,

Do you have a T you can discuss this dream with?

"when another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over.

He does not need punishment; he needs help."

- Thich Naht Hanh-

My BPDexgf often used to ask me why certain people would always be putting others down. I would tell her that they had very low self esteem & felt like they were at the bottom of the pile. By putting others down, they were trying to drag others down to their level. So I would say dont let them drag you down. Feel pity for them cos they feel so bad about themselves.

I like your mantra that their "suffering is spilling over"... .

[lemon flower]

no, I don't have a therapist, it's too expensive and I wouldn't know which one to choose... .

but I'm fine at the moment, there's enough distance between me and my ex that I can reflect and take a breath :-)

things would be different if he came back to live here (which is one of my fears)

actually I have been learning a lot about myself in this last relationship, I discovered that I've been dealing with BPD-like partners for all of my adult life, without recognising it, apparently I needed one more to see the light  ... .

visiting this forum regularly has learned me a lot, not only about this disorder but also about the issues of the non's ,

thx everyone for sharing some insights and solidarity, together we're doing a great job as therapists 

[HealingForMe]

actually I have been learning a lot about myself in this last relationship, I discovered that I've been dealing with BPD-like partners for all of my adult life, without recognising it, apparently I needed one more to see the light  ... .

I think we all learn a lot about ourselves, not just through the BPD r/s but also on here. Hopefully you will be able to pick the warning signs  earlier now & avoid getting into a PD r/s. I know I will

visiting this forum regularly has learned me a lot, not only about this disorder but also about the issues of the non's ,

Its helped me a lot too. Esp seeing how common some of the traits/reactions & experiences are. It makes me feel like I'm not alone... .