the healing must begin

[bajaloverz]

After one too many crazy weekends, decided I had enough.

Spent two hours with my therapist and got it ingrained that I cannot help someone who doesn't want help. 

My ustbxBPDw is in the bedroom crying since we both decided that we are unhappy.  I was willing to let her go, a first, and did it.  She still is under the impression that I am the problem and not her.

She is going to go back to her Hermit BPD and she is going to tell her that I told you And the vivacious cycle continues.  I can't do anything else and am OK with it.

Let the good times start, again.

[Surnia]

Hi bajaloverz

Good you are working with a T. 

This truly helps to find a decision and stick with it.

What are your next steps?

[bajaloverz]

guess it's going to be moving to the L5 board, gave her 1 chance in therapy. 

All my friends and family say I am crazy, but I have to give her 1 chance don't I?

[Surnia]

Its your choice, bajaloverz.

And thats okay, at least for me. 

[woodsposse]

guess it's going to be moving to the L5 board, gave her 1 chance in therapy. 

All my friends and family say I am crazy, but I have to give her 1 chance don't I?

That is totally up to you.  No one, here, will tell you otherwise.

But what I would like to offer is this... . in answering that question... . if you "have to give her 1 chance"... . when will you give yourself a chance?  A chance to focus on you.  A chance to figure out who you are in all of this.  A chance to understand why you need to fix her... . and by extension... . the r/s.  Who is there for you?  Who is giving you a chance to be happy?

I found it very healing once I switched my focus to me.  Protected me.  Spent some time, energy and effort into fixing me.  God knows I spent a boat load of energy trying to fix her... . and us... . and me so it wouldn't upset her.  But what about putting that same energy into understanding me?

Once I made that shift... . and found this place here... . this website and all the folks here - everything finally clicked.

And for once in my life I am actually completely at peace.

I wish the same for you.

[bajaloverz]

I know that its my choice. 

I am not delusional, contrary to belief. 

We don't have any kids.