need advice on suspected BPD who I went nc, but we have mutual friends

[Depression = 72% of members]

Ok here's my prob. 

The person I dated I suspect has high functioning BPD.  I wrote in another thread with some details regarding her behavior.   

The prob is that she has cancer and is also going through light chemo, which also allows her to be socially active.  Our mutual friends do not know about our history, nor do they know my exp with her and that I suspect she has high fucntioning BPD. Shes a very good friend to them just as she was with me prior to our intimacy.  Which is also why I am SHOCkED by her selfish manipulative behavior.  For weeks I kept questioning as to how she can do what she did to someone like me, where we were previously good friends.  All this b.s. only came to light when we were intimate.  Im unsure if shes more erratic because of recently going through chemo.

Questions:

1) anyone know much about a bpf individual that is going through light chemo (once every 3-4weeks).  How much worst cant that cause BPD episodes and erratic behavior?  I do know chemo causes a lot of emotional issues.

2)when I went no contact with BPD for 1 month after she requested for space twice,, she recently used guilt trip on me during one of our mutual friends event.  It was first time talking and seeinf her since NC. 

Because of her chemo circumstance,  I told her that I will still be there for her if she needs to talk (with the intention of limited contact to talk to her when depressed.

She guilt tripped me by saying "I rather commit suicide before coming to u".

Is this typical BPD behavior?   I only went NC for a month and told her I needed to get better after she requested space.   I also know shes been seeing an ex bf lately, so why use so much

guilt trip?

She doesnt know of my suspicion about her and BPD fy... .







Two questions

1) she has cancer and is going through chemo which causes extreme emotional issues, how can this affect her BPD compared to people who dont have cancer.  Fyi, her cancer causes her to potentially not be able to have kids.  On top of that, theres possible menopause that I read about over the small info I have on her.

[LuckyNicki]

Ok here's my prob. 

The person I dated I suspect has high functioning BPD.  I wrote in another thread with some details regarding her behavior.   

The prob is that she has cancer and is also going through light chemo, which also allows her to be socially active.  Our mutual friends do not know about our history, nor do they know my exp with her and that I suspect she has high fucntioning BPD. Shes a very good friend to them just as she was with me prior to our intimacy.  Which is also why I am SHOCkED by her selfish manipulative behavior.  For weeks I kept questioning as to how she can do what she did to someone like me, where we were previously good friends.  All this b.s. only came to light when we were intimate.  Im unsure if shes more erratic because of recently going through chemo.

Questions:

1) anyone know much about a bpf individual that is going through light chemo (once every 3-4weeks).  How much worst cant that cause BPD episodes and erratic behavior?  I do know chemo causes a lot of emotional issues.

2)when I went no contact with BPD for 1 month after she requested for space twice,, she recently used guilt trip on me during one of our mutual friends event.  It was first time talking and seeinf her since NC. 

Because of her chemo circumstance,  I told her that I will still be there for her if she needs to talk (with the intention of limited contact to talk to her when depressed.

She guilt tripped me by saying "I rather commit suicide before coming to u".

Is this typical BPD behavior?   I only went NC for a month and told her I needed to get better after she requested space.   I also know shes been seeing an ex bf lately, so why use so much

guilt trip?

She doesnt know of my suspicion about her and BPD fy... .







Two questions

1) she has cancer and is going through chemo which causes extreme emotional issues, how can this affect her BPD compared to people who dont have cancer.  Fyi, her cancer causes her to potentially not be able to have kids.  On top of that, theres possible menopause that I read about over the small info I have on her.

[heartandwhole]

Hi LuckyNicki,

Having cancer is a major stressor, and yes, stress can cause a pwBPD to act erratically, just as it could cause you or me to do so.  Also, hormone fluctuations can greatly affect behavior.  If you are asking if the stress might be exacerbating her behavior, I would say yes.

I think your compassion for you ex is commendable, and your plan for light contact, as a kind of support is very caring. 

How are you feeling about all of this?  How is your heart coping with this?  What kind of contact do you want with her?

I know how difficult it is to get our heads around, especially when the behavior has changed so radically from one minute to the next.

Keep writing, we're here for you.   

[LuckyNicki]

I am at an absolute lost at what to do.  It would be so much easier if there was no cancer/chemo going.  I went NC for a month and was healing pretty well.   

I ran into this individual recently and she seemed pretty upset by my "NC".  She said "when I needed you most, you weren't there"  Funny, it was her that "wanted" space  And I know it's because there was a Triangulation going (which gave me strength to go NC) on and perhaps there was some guilt on her part and she wanted to release me.  But the mixed signals 2 weeks prior of "ilovesyous" etc was what killed me. 

After NC one month: 

So I ran into her recently through mutual friends and we somehow got some alone time after some alcohol. It was difficult but I tried to remain cool.   I told her look "I am healed now, and if you ever need me, you can call me" (referring to her tough times due to chemo).  Then she says "I rather commit suicide before calling you".   wow?  Guilt trip?  Then she told me "I loved you"  etc... . which is absolute crap imo because she didn't want to be with me and she was targeting an old ex flame of hers.  Something I know but she doesn't.   If it weren't for the ex bf, I would've stayed and be with her as she went through her cancer issues.

So essentially, it appears that in her head, I selfishly walked out while she's going through tough times... . I stuck with her for months prior until I suspected she was rekindling with an oldflame behind my back. It's the standard "string along/mixed signals", using me as a safety net.  I was there emotionally for her while behind the scenes something was going on with her old flame.  Makes me so sick thinking about it...

So that brief convo with her that night indicated to me that she's guilt tripping me for going NC when she needed me. Standard BPD manipulation?  If I was emotionally invested like before, I probably would've broke down  in guilt but I didn't this time. 

I read so much into BPD that I was not really phased by her attempt to guilt trip or reverse this on me.   It still made me sick though because her trueself is being unveiled to me daily.

Also btw, that same night it sounded like she was having issues with her new partner.  She was on the phone with him and when I walked by she quickly hung up.  Then I saw her almost tearing up.  It's so obvious what's going on.  I don't understand how long she can keep up with this lie.  I'm not going to call her out on it as I want to just move on and not have to get into arguments that will just be a bunch of lies on her part. 

Sad thing is, I am still stupidly attracted to her, I just know I can't be with her long term and that's the only thing that keeps me strong. 

I'm healing but I was a bit sad this week.  She messaged me two days later regarding something very neutral.   What do you guys make of this?  Is this opening a line of communication again?  I know that I only want to keep it open when she needs someone to talk to over her illness... .

THank you in advance for your post!  you guys are great!