She called the cops on me for an email

[buddy1226]

Several weeks ago she sent me divorce papers. I had a weak moment and called her one night and the next day she called the cops.

So I signed the papers and sent them back. We are not using lawyers since we have nothing to split. I followed up about a week later asking if she had filed the papers as we can be divorced in a month. No reply. I followed up with two more emails over the course of a week asking the same. No reply but I get call call from the same cop again today about harassing emails.

I'n laughing bout this now but my blood was boiling earlier. What a piece of work this disorder is. Wow!

[nownotsure]

Sorry to hear your ex is harassing you, buddy! Sounds like she's just toying with you. Typical BPD games! Best to keep communication between the two of you in writing, which it sounds like you're doing. Also, I would imagine the cops aren't going to be too happy with her if she continues making groundless complaints.

Do you believe she'll actually keep her word and file the divorce papers within a month?

[seeking balance]

Maybe you could go file the paperwork and finalize it - take control of your own future without waiting on her... . unless she didn't send them to you already signed.

[nolisan]

The advice to do the divorce yourself may be wise!

My ex always called her "ex" her ex. She had left him 5 years before. We talked of marriage.

Then in the devaluation phase she revealed that she had never filed the divorce papers. Her reason: "That would prevent her from ever marrying again."

What the heck ... . so much for any truth to her words. BPD crazy.

She returned to him ... . poor bugger. But he knew exactly what he was letting back into his life ... . still sick and wanting to get sicker again. And she had her hooks in him all the time they were separated.

Hope you don't get caught in something like this

[Tausk]

Hey Bud:

Sorry for the pain.  It sucks having the cops call.  My ex did as well over an abusive text.  And yeah the text wasn't nice, but she never had text while we were together.  She refused to text.  It was therapy, like writing a letter to be burned.  She blocked me on email... . After I blocked her...   But instead of blocking my texts, she tries to get an RO.  Cops wouldn't give it to her, but to me to stop texting or emailing.  

So yeah it sucks.  It doesn't make sense.  It's insane.  It's the Disorder.  It's Bat Sh't Crazy. And that's the truth.  Bat Sh't Crazy. I had to say it twice cuz it made me feel better.

So I try to depersonalize the actions.  It's not about me.  It's about her inability to cope and process. It's all she can do to stay somewhat functional and survive a world that she doesn't understand. It's just survival responses that were needed as a child, but no longer appropriate as an adult.

But it's all she knows. So I try to depersonalize.  

And yes, listen to the other about doing as much as you can to control your own fate regarding the Divorce.  Relying on action from you ex might not be prudent, as that would mean. she would be cutting the cord that would lead to abandonment.  Not saying she won't sign.  I don't know. But depersonalize and respond in a manner that moves you forward with minimum destruction, chaos, and insanity.  

It's a volatile time for the two of you because the rubber is hitting the road.

Congrats on moving forward.  Hang in there.

[buddy1226]

Thanks Tausk,

What your ex did with the text is pretty much what mine has done with the email. What get me is that email is the most non intrusive way to communicate. She could block me or not open the damn thing. I can't imagine taking time out of my day and going to the police station and filing a report over an email.

It was three mails over about a week with no reply. One was not so pleasant but noting too terrible, especially compared to the things she has done.

So yeah, I'm dealing with the disorder. I kind of feel sorry for her when I think of it that way. Maybe I should email her... ...

I will have to take charge of the divorce. She emailed me the papers asking me to sign and when I do she refuses to do anything with them. Pure insanity.

[Tausk]

Yeah.  She had me blocked.  How was I to know she would unblock me.  Probably a new phone, but go to the police station to file a report?  Why not just block me and stay with your cheating husband?  

And besides why would anyone get upset over being called an evil cheating sociopath whose father wished she had never been born?  It was therapy and I was processing.     

But worse, then I started to think that she unblocked me because she wanted connection again... . So I started to go down the rabbit hole of the Disorder.

It's the Disorder.  And I participated, so I lost to the Disorder.  The only way not to lose is not to participate.

But, for me it's OK to feel sad for her.  To feel compassion.  She's very very F'ked up. Even when I was talking to the cop, I felt sad for her, because I figured out why she was reacting the way she was.  

Just as long as I realize that there's nothing I can do to help her, except stay as far away as possible.  We didn't mean to become triggers.  But we are triggers, and nothing we do can change that.  The best thing I can do, for both of us, is detach as soon as possible.

You hang in there.  It sucks, but it will be better. We do Recover.

[arn131arn]

Buddy, I know you mentioned restraining orders and allegations of DV . I had to sit through 6 months of DV classes that were rather expensive paying 35 dollars a week as a part of my probation. A guy in this class with me did something similar to you. Sent a property tax bill to his ex wife that SHE owed. Judge said he violated his RO and I never saw him again!

Just be careful. The DV laws are strict and extremely misandrist. Where I live the police don't issue them, a judge does. And they hand them out like candy. All a woman has to do is say she is scared or on fear, they do not test to see if a woman has a mental disorder, these are elected officials and will normally err on the side of caution.

So be careful, buddy. I agree, I would file them on my own and walk away and never look back! That's what I've been trying to since x mad eve, and all she tries to do is suck me back in. She has filed 2 restraining orders in 5 weeks and another against my MOTHER! You would never believe what her and my replacement have done to try to ruin me and my reputation. You wouldn't believe it in a million years!

She is without a doubt the most dangerous woman I know, the judge is seeing right through her, and I am winning by not playing. If she is good at Triangulation don't give her anything to triangulate about. She needs you, right now! She needs you to f-up and react. She needs your reaction so she can go off and tell everyone,"see! I told you buddy is crazy! He blah blah blah!"

Oh, and if the DV charges are false, fight them tooth and nail! Do NOT plea to a lesser offense. Don't be stupid like me, they will NEVER come off your record and I will always have a little of her following me around for the rest of my life!

Walk away and win. Be happy rather than right.

Arn

[buddy1226]

Arn, your story sounds so much like mine. You are right. She is needing me to f-up right now. One more email or anything and she can probably get a R/O even though I don't even know where she lives and have not called or text in months. Yet she can show up at my place whenever she gets the urge.

I am innocent of the DV charge. I am going to fight it tooth and nail. It's a tough thing to fight where I am. There is a no drop policy, yet hers got dropped as they took us both to jail and dropped hers at court because she plays the victim so well. It's unreal what these people can get us into.

Your ex sounds like the devil too. and it really sux when they have  partner in crime that fans their crazy flames. Mine has an ex that does the same. I don't get that. At some point wouldn't you say to the BPD "hey lets let this go and enjoy life". ?

It's amazing how I read my story on here every day. It's comforting as well. Lets us know we are in the right place and it wasn't us.