Parents

[itsnotme567]

Sorry if I'm hijacking the thread here. Reading the post from fromheeltoheal my stbxuBPDw thinks that I have to strong of An attachment to my  mother I do spend slot of time at moms but not just to see her I've been sorting and selling items from the house helping dad in the family business repairs. so to try to keep my wife happy I stopped going to Moms for weeks At a Time my wife Still feels that I neglect her and mom gets everything she wants from me she say mom should come first but I carry it to far mom and dad are in the r 80's by the way. Do you think it my wife's relationship with her parents that she is try to project onto me, her parents are deceased

[fromheeltoheal]

Sorry if I'm hijacking the thread here. Reading the post from fromheeltoheal my stbxuBPDw thinks that I have to strong of An attachment to my  mother I do spend slot of time at moms but not just to see her I've been sorting and selling items from the house helping dad in the family business repairs. so to try to keep my wife happy I stopped going to Moms for weeks At a Time my wife Still feels that I neglect her and mom gets everything she wants from me she say mom should come first but I carry it to far mom and dad are in the r 80's by the way. Do you think it my wife's relationship with her parents that she is try to project onto me, her parents are deceased

Projection might be plausible, although the attempt by a borderline to attach to people, who end up being replacements for the mother, is subconscious and hardwired into her personality.  More likely is the common attempt by borderlines to isolate you from everyone as a means to control you and the relationship, so you won't leave; any other people are a threat in that light.  My ex had a problem with anyone I had any kind of relationship with, all the way down to clerks in stores I'd be chatty friendly with.  That never worked for me since I'm social and chatty with everyone, and she was just a drag.

[fromheeltoheal]

It'snotme567, it doesn't sound like projection to me but it seems like push and pull and a need to isolate you from your family. I will give you an example of projection my ex used.  The BPDex made a really mean comment to her mom as her mom walked by I saw the hurt in her eyes (still makes me sad to think about.)  Then a couple of days later she told me I am so mean to my Mom.  Before knowing about BPD and projection, I was just stunned at her thinking.  If she was projecting her relationship with her deceased parents onto you, you would see her actions being placed on you but it's BPD so who knows.

Here's another one: my ex liked to call me childish, which I actually take as a compliment, since when we mature we add adult to the child and not replace it, and I had, and have, ready access to my inner 10 year old.  But the point is she saw herself as drastically immature, emotionally stunted, to the point she looked up to her 17 year old daughter and 27 year old son as sources of wisdom and maturity.  She didn't like the way that felt and knew she had issues, so offing it on me was a way to soothe herself, and is a lot easier than growing up.

[itsnotme567]

Thanks everybody your posts are so helpful . Some of my family felt that my wife was trying to isolate me and my wife was telling me I'm not making her feel like part of the family. No wonder I've been confused for so long now.