Broke no contact after 9 months last week... Tonight she rocks up at my gig

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Yes I can't believe it and what is even more crazy is it is exactly one year literally since I have seen her in person... .

Just a quick recap.

I sent her a final email. When she last contacted 9 months ago I didn't reply so I honestly felt I had some unfinished business to attend to therefore I sent my bit and wished her the best. After this I felt amazing like a load was off my shoulders and a chapter was closed. This last week hasn't been too bad and although i suffer from depression I got through it ok... .

Anyway tonight I am at my DJ gig early minding my own business playing a few songs when to my shock my ex rocks up with her enabling friend. They used to always come but its been well over a year that they have bothered probably because of the break up. Anyway I thought know big deal its a public place let them do their thing. Thats when my ex walks right in front of the DJ area and waves at me like a shy little girl. I couldn't believe it I mean it was like nothing had even happened. I wasn't angry though I have no right to be since I forgave her so i politely gestured her to come around for a chat to see if we could have a civil conversation on old times and she quickly turned around and hurried off much like a shy little kid (its amazing what you notice when you are educated on personality disorders)

Anyway some time goes on. She is just doing her thing other guys are talking to her as she is beautiful but it didn't effect me too much. Obviously I have a little bit of a sinking feeling but that's more from the shock of seeing her and thinking about the good times for the first time in ages. When we were together I made a remix of her favorite song. Its not a love song or anything but It was special for her so I decided to play it I wanted to see if it was a trigger.

It was.

After that her smile seemed to go and her mood changed. her and her friends ended up leaving very early. I miss her. I still have love for her but its obvious she is so unstable and there is nothing I can do for her. I want so much to be there for her but It would never work I only hope her life by some miracle will get better one day.

[snappafcw]

Yes I can't believe it and what is even more crazy is it is exactly one year literally since I have seen her in person... .

Just a quick recap.

I sent her a final email. When she last contacted 9 months ago I didn't reply so I honestly felt I had some unfinished business to attend to therefore I sent my bit and wished her the best. After this I felt amazing like a load was off my shoulders and a chapter was closed. This last week hasn't been too bad and although i suffer from depression I got through it ok... .

Anyway tonight I am at my DJ gig early minding my own business playing a few songs when to my shock my ex rocks up with her enabling friend. They used to always come but its been well over a year that they have bothered probably because of the break up. Anyway I thought know big deal its a public place let them do their thing. Thats when my ex walks right in front of the DJ area and waves at me like a shy little girl. I couldn't believe it I mean it was like nothing had even happened. I wasn't angry though I have no right to be since I forgave her so i politely gestured her to come around for a chat to see if we could have a civil conversation on old times and she quickly turned around and hurried off much like a shy little kid (its amazing what you notice when you are educated on personality disorders)

Anyway some time goes on. She is just doing her thing other guys are talking to her as she is beautiful but it didn't effect me too much. Obviously I have a little bit of a sinking feeling but that's more from the shock of seeing her and thinking about the good times for the first time in ages. When we were together I made a remix of her favorite song. Its not a love song or anything but It was special for her so I decided to play it I wanted to see if it was a trigger.

It was.

After that her smile seemed to go and her mood changed. her and her friends ended up leaving very early. I miss her. I still have love for her but its obvious she is so unstable and there is nothing I can do for her. I want so much to be there for her but It would never work I only hope her life by some miracle will get better one day.

[heartandwhole]

snappafcw,

Good for you, wow, I wonder if I'd have been so cool and collected.  Great news.  I really understand some of your mixed feelings, that is so normal.

Great progress, snappa, keep us posted. 

[myself]

Kept your cool because it didn't faze you much, that's good to hear.

Next time, if there is one, will be even easier. (Have that song handy just in case)

[RecycledNoMore]

So you re engaged her with a " final" email,and she shows up to one of your gigs, then you decide to " trigger" her with songs that mean something to you both?

Whats really going on here?

Your playing with fire.

[Ironmanrises]

Told you. We discussed this many months ago. It is a pattern of behavior. Stay rooted in the present moment and remember that her behavior will not change.

[snappafcw]

Keep in mind this is the first time I have seen her in a year and since I learnt about BPD so I guess I just wanted to check the signs. She is very child like I can not be angry at her I can see her pd for what it is now. Most of the time I am fine but hopefully I don't bump into her again anytime soon.