Those With Strong Identities Attaching To Those With No Identities

[Turkish]

MyGreatEscape said this on a thread on the Undecided Board: "It seems another theme here is that most of us appear to be extremely strong people with darn established senses of self... . yet we find ourselves with these people."

I think this describes me somewhat, and I've learned to listen to others' opinions of me more than that Inner Parent, which confirms this, especially after the trama of the past 7 months.

Why do you think that is? Of course, many of us are Lonely Children (that describes me; my childhood is almost a texbook example of it), so there is something we "need" from a PD'd person to fill some kind of void. So why do a lot of us seem to gravitate towards those with fragmented identities, or those who define themselves by their attachments (uBPDx, e.g., and a few other women I've had dysfunctional platonic r/s's with), rather than well-adjusted persons? I have a good idea why I do, but I would be interested in the thoughts of others. Thanks... .

[Louise7777]

I believe in the case of BPDs, they need somebody "strong" to lean on. Thats why the marriage among BPD wife and NPD husband "works" so well. In a dysfunctional way, but it does. I know of 2 cases. Not that NPDs are strong in any way, but they put on that image for the world, the almighty person.

Some other BPDs just choose nons cause we tolerate things that a "normal" person would never put up with. We are fixers, caretakers. We have too much empathy, I guess. Some other person would just run to the hills given the red flags... . And yet, we stay there, we give them the benefit of the doubt... . Go figure... .