Ex pregnant within 7 months after I left

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi guys,

Haven't posted in a while because I was doing pretty good and getting my life together.

Small recap:

Met my ex at 22, fell completely in love and first period was like a dream. I felt she was giving me her all and I was the only one for her. Her family bit crazy, both drug addicts (mother is diagnosed with borderline), family full of (sexual) abuse. Always felt sorry her (and so was my family who took her under their wing). She got pregnant after six month (accident?). Moved in right away, second child within two years. Was completely isolated, not allowed to go out on my own, never had a good fight (silent treatment) or talkthrough. I Gained a lot of weight because of the stress of not being able to hash things out or her seeing my point of view (on anything). She was always very dependent, I did about 70% of the things for my family like taking care of kids and groceries, cleaning etc etc.

Finally decided to call it quits in feb 2013 (really hard when u want to make it work because of the kids). We lived together until may 2013. She left every weekend to "think". Two weeks after I moved out I found out she was dating this guy she knew from her past and was serious. I was flipping out, ok you found someone new but sleep in the same bed with me and that the day after we broke up? Little bit too obvious and full of deceit. He moved in within a month.

We are coparents which works ok but was really hard because I had to move back in with my parents and get a house start over while my ex was posting continuous pics online of how in love and happy she was.

Finally got my life back together since november, started mediation which is hard (she does not budge on anything) and it is like talking to a 10 year old. Please note her new partner has not introduced himself because he will attack me after all the things I put her through?

Her new "rescuer" is really protecting her and I was suspicious he was drawing up her emails regarding the kids and some other stuff (her grammar an vocabulary was bigger and not the same). Last Monday she accidentally put him on cc when emailing regarding the kids. I flipped out and her new beau started emailing me to not be looking for drama and "advising" me to talk like an adult (really protective and just like I did back in the day).

Wednesday she called me with important new: She's 4 months pregnant? I was flabbergasted but after all the research I did I knew this was coming. How can this be? We are still ending our relationship and she starts a new family? Also I am worried as he has a big house an hours drive away and she lives in a smaller house (with not a spare room). My assumptions are she might flee. My daughter is registered at my house and my son at hers. We have joint custody but I am not sure what she will do. Next to that: HOW?

I see the exact same cycle repeating. Meeting, falling in love right away, "accidentally" pregnant within 6 months and like its the most normal thing in the world. I know he is as mesmerized as me by her beauty and innocence only now he is 31 and I was 22 at the time. Does he not see the pattern?

The friends we still share and met him say he is a very dominant guy and not a looker. A scrawny IT guy with no friends (like really) or any hobbies or interests (except gaming). Which is obviously her match as I felt locked up never able to develop my talents or hobbies or even see friends.

My kids are happy that they will get a sibling (and of course a baby is a party for a 4 and 6 year old), but I am worried. She couldnt really take care of our kids (waited for me to help out every day after school or work and my mother was there almost daily for the first six months) and now she will have 3 kids. Which is not my problem although I am worried her bit of narcist bf and her black white personality could alienate my kids and push them my way. Or they will pack up their things and move to the other town. Rather have option 1 of course but still.

I dont know, too many vague areas in this and not sure what is going to play out.

Anyone with any thoughts?

[Noise]

Hi guys,

Haven't posted in a while because I was doing pretty good and getting my life together.

Small recap:

Met my ex at 22, fell completely in love and first period was like a dream. I felt she was giving me her all and I was the only one for her. Her family bit crazy, both drug addicts (mother is diagnosed with borderline), family full of (sexual) abuse. Always felt sorry her (and so was my family who took her under their wing). She got pregnant after six month (accident?). Moved in right away, second child within two years. Was completely isolated, not allowed to go out on my own, never had a good fight (silent treatment) or talkthrough. I Gained a lot of weight because of the stress of not being able to hash things out or her seeing my point of view (on anything). She was always very dependent, I did about 70% of the things for my family like taking care of kids and groceries, cleaning etc etc.

Finally decided to call it quits in feb 2013 (really hard when u want to make it work because of the kids). We lived together until may 2013. She left every weekend to "think". Two weeks after I moved out I found out she was dating this guy she knew from her past and was serious. I was flipping out, ok you found someone new but sleep in the same bed with me and that the day after we broke up? Little bit too obvious and full of deceit. He moved in within a month.

We are coparents which works ok but was really hard because I had to move back in with my parents and get a house start over while my ex was posting continuous pics online of how in love and happy she was.

Finally got my life back together since november, started mediation which is hard (she does not budge on anything) and it is like talking to a 10 year old. Please note her new partner has not introduced himself because he will attack me after all the things I put her through?

Her new "rescuer" is really protecting her and I was suspicious he was drawing up her emails regarding the kids and some other stuff (her grammar an vocabulary was bigger and not the same). Last Monday she accidentally put him on cc when emailing regarding the kids. I flipped out and her new beau started emailing me to not be looking for drama and "advising" me to talk like an adult (really protective and just like I did back in the day).

Wednesday she called me with important new: She's 4 months pregnant? I was flabbergasted but after all the research I did I knew this was coming. How can this be? We are still ending our relationship and she starts a new family? Also I am worried as he has a big house an hours drive away and she lives in a smaller house (with not a spare room). My assumptions are she might flee. My daughter is registered at my house and my son at hers. We have joint custody but I am not sure what she will do. Next to that: HOW?

I see the exact same cycle repeating. Meeting, falling in love right away, "accidentally" pregnant within 6 months and like its the most normal thing in the world. I know he is as mesmerized as me by her beauty and innocence only now he is 31 and I was 22 at the time. Does he not see the pattern?

The friends we still share and met him say he is a very dominant guy and not a looker. A scrawny IT guy with no friends (like really) or any hobbies or interests (except gaming). Which is obviously her match as I felt locked up never able to develop my talents or hobbies or even see friends.

My kids are happy that they will get a sibling (and of course a baby is a party for a 4 and 6 year old), but I am worried. She couldnt really take care of our kids (waited for me to help out every day after school or work and my mother was there almost daily for the first six months) and now she will have 3 kids. Which is not my problem although I am worried her bit of narcist bf and her black white personality could alienate my kids and push them my way. Or they will pack up their things and move to the other town. Rather have option 1 of course but still.

I dont know, too many vague areas in this and not sure what is going to play out.

Anyone with any thoughts?

[GreenMango]

Noise

Having this third party involved with your kids ddefinitely has to be hard.   If you get a chance I'd suggest the legal family law board here for getting some feedback on how to handle communication regarding the kids.

As far as the new relationship and the baby... . I'm guessing he's probably just as involved and enamored as you were.  The pattern is probably not recognizable and he's listening to the future mother of his kids interpretation.  I know I was warned but didn't listen I had to experience it for myself.

Your best bet for yourself and your kids is to be as consisent, formal, and emotionally detached as possible.  It's a hard step to do this, however it's in your best interest. 

How's your support ... . family friends therapy attorney?