I am feeling a bit cold about the whole BPD thing today if you cannot tell. Therapy for my wife is not working, meds are not working, each day is more and more worse. Both for her and as a result me.
The thing that sucks is it really is a leave somebody behind to die in misery to save yourself. The problem is trying to live with doing that. you love them, you see their good qualities, you empathize with them, but rationality with the illness is out the window
You basically get one shot at standing strong... you gotta stand strong against double blinds and all these sick tools. As soon as you give in even one time, they have you and there is no turning back. It is not cause they want to hurt you, but they are sick. The result is that the illness is infectious. BPD infects the SO but creates a different kind of craziness of self doubt, guilt, and emotionally abused
I am curious how many of us could actually qualify as having PSTD just from dealing with a BPD. My first thought was that is insane, but if you read the symptoms of PSTD and you think of how you are thinking with your BPD... its not that crazy
Today is my one shot.
I told by my BPDw to get out. I told her we are done.
We went to my son's T, to review the reasons for his suspension from school last week and he running away from home. He's 7. He left to get out of the house and get a clearer head after having his mother cower and cajole him for a messy room. ":)o you see how much work I have to do now?" ":)o you see how many lego pieces I have to count?"
I stood up after an hour and said: 2/3 of my children have run away from home. I will not wait for the last one to try. My children need to be protected more that I have to sit and listed t my wife's complaints about a crumbling house.
I have contacted my spiritual leader for some names of divorce lawyers.
Oh yeah, I agree with the PTSD thing with the non's. I am just starting to work on it with my T. Very scary to examine one's insides , but w-t-heck: living with an unstable BPD has taught me to be strong.
