She's Out

[ts919]

My stbxuBPDw finally moved out this past weekend... . and it was surprisingly much harder on me than I thought it would be.  I've been dying for her to move out and when she finally did, I felt crushed inside.  Just seeing all of her stuff packed up, sitting in the living room, waiting to be moved... . that was tough.  She was so rational during the week leading up to the move, so easy going while moving her stuff; it was the girl I fell in love with 4 years ago. 

HOWEVER... . 4 days later I feel like I'm on top of the world!    Seriously, this is the best I've felt in 2 and half years!  I cannot believe I get to go home tonight and just enjoy my evening with my son!  I do realize I'm on a bit of an emotional high at the moment - and I have a lot of work to do on myself to repair the damage that's been done, but damn it, I'm gonna enjoy this for the moment

I'm not out of the woods yet - still have the actual divorce to work through and lots of financial stuff to clean up... . but for the time being, I'm going to sit back, smile, and enjoy the lack of stress in my life for a hot second.  I can't wait to go see my T tomorrow - he had predicted that when she finally moved that I'd probably feel immediate relief... . he was right. 

Hope you all are doing ok today  

[heartandwhole]

Really good to hear, ts919!  Enjoy it and be good to yourself.  This is the beginning of a new chapter for you. 

[Waddams]

It was rough when my uPDxw moved out at first too.  I made like a tree and left that weekend, and took our son with me.  When we got back the house looked like a bomb went off.  I wish I'd had the presence of mind to photograph and document the destruction she left.  Instead, I just got work cleaning it up. Took me about two weeks before I'd been through every room, cleaned up the mess, vacuumed/cleaned the carpets, thrown out all the garbage and had it all picked up, and rearranged the furniture left in the house into some semblance of working order.

And my son had a really rough time.  It was 6 years ago, he's 9, and he remembers it still.  He was asking me again about it the other day.  Surprised the heck out of me when he started asking about it again. 

However, it wasn't long before life adjusted and was on the upswing!  To this day, I've still not been able to afford to completely furnish a home in a way that doesn't look like some poor college kid that has pulled together a collection of cheap, mismatched crap, but I guess all good things come in time. 

[outside9x]

Hi,

Great news and I know its early and encouraging.  I am going on 9 months but emotionally get drawn back in.  I am now seeing a counselor who has lots of experience with BPD and dealing with a few guys like me right now.  Of course I could say all the terrible things she did but the part of healing and moving on is what was in me to stay so long.  Yes, being quite attractive, sexy, and adoring are part of it, but that feeling of being so alive with them that's the part, that's the hole they filled, and that's the part I am told I must look at and repair to move on, and I am trying. 

Now in a wonderful and normal loving relationship is not the same and can seem boring.  It's not them, I finally see that its me.  Part too was the push & pull stuff that kept drama alive and even though you don't want it, chemically it gets a bit addictive as well.  Just like any drug. It's all part of it.

So, hopefully, you will be ok.  Take care of your family, yourself.  Try to remember not to paint her as total evil, because that will only help for a short period, but realize that she has a great pull on you, and still might.  Resist.  You will feel something missing.  but it's not love.

I know I still am, and its hard.  very hard and I broke the NC rules only to hear her say how much its her fault, she was evil etc, etc.  The problem is, I heard similar things like these several times, and no matter how sincere they are, and I think she was, they will revert back to who they are. 

I am very sentimental and so I am very weak at this.  But I have a wonderful relationship and though I should just healed 1st, it happened, and I don't want to lose this relationship because the chemistry in my body still yearns at times for someone, who, honestly, I can't think of why I would love her.   I know the girl I am with, I am so happy to see her and be with her. 

Abuse is abuse.  So, hang in there, and I'll pray for you & me and all others going through this tough emotionally ride, that feels likes at times, your guts are being ripped out. 

It is not them.  It's something inside of us , and they naturally know that.  We need to fix us.  Not them!

Good luck!