Owning Your Destroy

[Depression = 72% of members]

I felt a lot of power after reading this article (link below). It put a lot into words about how I feel about certain things... . especially the phrase "letting go". With regards to emotional abuse, my intuition isn't always to "let go" of it... . sometimes I'd rather burn it all to hell. Roll around in the ashes, make a fire and howl at the moon. Would love to hear what others think/feel about this blog post:

www.toko-pa.com/2010/05/19/dreamspeak-owning-your-destroy/

I have a burning calling -- this person is not important. they are not as powerful as they think they are. she can kiss my ass! and when i say that i say it glowing, with a razor tooth smile 

[goldylamont]

I felt a lot of power after reading this article (link below). It put a lot into words about how I feel about certain things... . especially the phrase "letting go". With regards to emotional abuse, my intuition isn't always to "let go" of it... . sometimes I'd rather burn it all to hell. Roll around in the ashes, make a fire and howl at the moon. Would love to hear what others think/feel about this blog post:

www.toko-pa.com/2010/05/19/dreamspeak-owning-your-destroy/

I have a burning calling -- this person is not important. they are not as powerful as they think they are. she can kiss my ass! and when i say that i say it glowing, with a razor tooth smile 

[LettingGo14]

Interesting, and appreciated, perspective.   As you can see, I've named myself, "LettingGo" -- but I will state that I do not view "radical acceptance" as passive in any way.   I'm not sinking into oblivion.

As Elizabeth Gilbert wrote, "ruin is a gift... . ruin is the road to transformation."   

It might have taken the destruction of my relationship with a BPD to bring me here, but the rest of this road is mine.   I "own my destroy... " as your article says.

[goldylamont]

Thanks LG14. I feel quite the same. And in no way do I want to minimize the usefulness of letting go. This is still important also, however I feel that sometimes the term is the only one used as a strategy for moving on. I think Moving On can be a combination of Letting Go, Burning Contracts, Owning Your Destroy, Grieving Your Loss... . can you think of others?

[LettingGo14]

... . can you think of others?

1. Leaning into the spear

2. Feeling the feelings

3. Awakening aspirations

4. Responding rather than reacting

5. Discovering one's self

[Vatz]

You know it's funny, I actually wanted to post with a question regarding this topic.

I always thought of my anger as something to suppress. It's why I've been so unassertive and so easy to abuse. Instead I hold on to anger. The abuser gets the pleasure of hurting me emotionally, and suffers no consequences while I seethe at having let them do it to me. I lose, they win twice. But what if I simply say "no! Up YOURS, get out!" and right to the curb. No more abuser, and LOOK anger subsiding and I'm not overburdened with cortisol in my system. I think the thing I want to add here is that you should assert yourself quickly. If I had walked out on my BPDSO the second the first issue cropped up. I would have been fine. Instead I spent a few years suffering and practically counting down to the next "indiscretion."

Coincidentally, that show Wilfred had a bit of lesson on addressing issues quickly rather than avoiding them. Good episode, good moral.

Anywho, I really liked the article. It's actually pretty relevant to the stage I'm at right now. Today was sort of an eye-opener about my anger.

[goldylamont]

so glad you liked it Vatz! i just read this posting and thought i would share it. also i have a lot of other passages on 'healthy anger' if you are interested, but wow it's interesting that i literally just ran across this:

In a mad dash to react away from the perils of anger, we went too far and lost a key piece of the emotional integrity and expression cycle. This is particularly true in the spiritual community, where peacefulness has been characterized as a symbol of awakening, even if it is inauthentic and a bypass of the unresolved anger still brewing below the surface (‘The calmness bypass’). It’s important to remember that anger is a legitimate emotion that signals that a person has been violated. It is also a necessary emotion if we are going to do the work of sacred activism and challenge existing paradigms that cause suffering. Calm alone will not make the world a better place at this stage. By discouraging and shaming anger, we actually disrupt natural emotional rhythms and encourage inauthentic ways of being. In addition, repressing the emotions simply keeps the anger alive. The negativity goes underground, manifesting in a myriad of destructive forms, including passive aggressiveness, self-destructive behavior and all manner of disease. It is one thing to discourage the inappropriate expression of anger, but let us not throw the whole process out with the bath water. There is a place for healthy anger in an evolving world.  -- Jeff Brown https://www.facebook.com/SOULSHAPING