A year later I get closure and a final goodbye

[snappafcw]

First of all I just want to reach out to those of you who haven't been lucky enough to get validation from your ex's I hope you have healed or are healing enough to form your own closure. Lots of you are familiar with my stories Its been such a hard year and I want to thank everyone for your support.

I finally got a last email off my ex. My healing was travelling fairly well and I think thanks to this I am somewhat at peace so I just thought I would share. Feel free to leave your opinions.

Hey,

Thanks for the email (my name), hope everything has been looking up for you since we've been apart. I hope you all the best with your future and finding someone that could actually make you happier then i ever could. I know we had a lot of downs more then ups but hey, it only taught us to be stronger.

I know i have hurt you and im sorry, my mind wasnt all there and emotions were mixed. I guess i didnt email you because i didnt want you to get hurt anymore, all i kept thinking was i was just bad news for you and all i did was bring you down with me and i never wanted that. i thought disappearing from you would make you get over me and heal over what i damaged.

After your email, i didnt expect to turn up at the Vale the week after... C and I were having dinner and thought we'd pop by before my surgery. Thought you already saw me there and i wanted to go say Hi... but after i did i saw your face and you were shocked so i panicked...

anyways, hope you find happiness with your future, be proud who you are because you are indeed a wonderful person, i hope you find someone that would treat you much better then i could have, and i hope the best for whats to come.

[Waifed]

Interesting... . I wonder if this triggers attempts at future contact.  Not sure if she has totally detached based on what I am reading.  :)on't know how your relationship ended but she seems to feel that you are too good for her BUT may be looking for validation that you may still want to be in her life.  I could also be wrong... .

In my case I believe that my ex is afraid to contact me but if I were to initiate I believe that would open the door for her to communicate.  In my case it is pointless because their is no future with someone like her.

[myself]

snappafcw, That's great if this is more closure for you.

Did the email come from the sender deciding it was time to say something, or as a response to a recent attempt at communication from you?

It sounds like it's mostly excusing the actions while just kind of admitting them. Saying you were hurt because they tried to help? What about being direct and honest?

It reminds me of how my ex would barely apologize, in the rare times she did, which was just the tip of the iceberg compared to how much was floating by beneath the surface. Maybe I'm just more dubious of olive branches now that I've been whacked in the face with so many of them in this last r/s. Do you feel your ex was being sincere?

It's good you see that even without the email you were getting through this.

That's closure.

[DiamondSW]

Wow

What an amazing email to receive.  No nastiness.  Very healing.

It's taken a year though.

I think my ex may well feel the same -but I won't ever get the email because she feels too much shame knowing I became suicidal over her behaviour.  I saw her a week ago in the street and my friend said she looked afraid and nervous; I was with a pretty girl, so that gave me the strength to ignore, not panic and not look at her.  

I eally hope your ex has found healing and professional health -it kind of hints at this.  It also hints at a door being reopened... . and that my friend is a tough decision for you.  

The question is:  JUST HOW MUCH HAS SHE CHANGED/HEALED in order for you to let her (risk her) back into any facet of your life... .  

What have you got to lose?  If it's too much, you know the deal.  Good luck

[snappafcw]

I do agree with everyone's opinions. Although she owns up to her mistakes she hasn't really taken accountability in usual BPD form but its the best I am ever going to get so I will take it. I sent a final email a couple week ago that is why I have got a reply. As for the surgery I hope she is ok but I can't help but wonder if she is using that to bait me out.

I'm not going to lie of course I miss her but i know she isn't any good for the soul so even though i have little things to detach from still i think I am going to be fine. If anything after a little more time if I see her in public places I think I will be able to handle it now so I guess thats progress. Not sure what else to add I doubt she wants to recycle because even though she hasn't officially owned up to the details she knows I know about the potential cheating and Triangulation with her ex. Thats why I think she has too much shame to ever try. When she says she hasn't contacted me Its not because she is worried about how I feel I honestly think its about how she feels.

I can read between the lines