length of relationship with BPD

[Stephen19]

So the girl I was with only dated 3 guys in her life long term.

Myself and 2 others

I was her first boyfriend and she has come back to me over and over but we never made it longer than a year at a time. Admittedly there were times I left for work elsewhere and basically life took us different ways until recently. This was the first time she ever left me and also the first time I was ever really trying.

However, she was with the other 2 for 3- 4 years each. In the last 13 years they got that and I got about the same but spread out.  Isn't that a little unusual for people with BPD? From what I understand these were rough relationships but I now believe these guys were probably not as evil as she makes out.

What's up with that?

[arn131arn]

I have read that they last a year or two and also upwards to 15 yrs. mine lasted 14 years. Some good some bad some a complete and total Freak Show. My P told me that if a RS lasts a long time both are pretty healthy or they both are really sick. Therefore, knowing she is really sick I search for what's sick in me

[Stephen19]

Maybe I could have worded in better. I'm basically asking why some BPD's can have longer relationships. Thanks arn131arn that's along the same vein as I've been reading.

[free-n-clear]

My P told me that if a RS lasts a long time both are pretty healthy or they both are really sick.

    Sounds quite plausible. My uBPDxgf has had 4 relationships, including ours. (Possibly hundreds of guys, but only 4 'relationships'.) The first two were both reasonable, average guys (according to her brother). Both lasted less than two years, and both guys were left holding the baby. Literally.

    Her third relationship lasted nine years, and that guy is one of the most narcissistic, aggressive, moody people I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.

    Her brother told me that of the four, I was the only one to make a genuine effort to understand her and help her deal with her issues. (For example, I encouraged her to reconnect with her FoO and children, from whom she'd been estranged for some years, and I regularly drove her the 500km return trip to visit them.)

   How long did I last? You guessed it! Just on two years.      

    (Don't mean to imply that you're sick, arn. You're probably the exception that proves the rule!  )

[Take2]

Mine was a very on and off r/s for 3 to 4 years if add it all up.  Probably less.  We were broken up so often I had no idea when we were together or not.  I just know I was never supposed to disrespect him by speaking to another man regardless of our status or what he was doing.

[Pecator]

Yeah, I am not sure time is such a good measure.

My uBPDex has had a variety of relationships.

She was in a 17-year marriage which she described as loveless. In her defense, I got to know her ex as he struggled to maintain a relationship with his boys. He is a lot of what she described. Though through this board, I am beginning to see cracks. Still, she has painted the whole family black and has not spoked one word to them, or him, in seven years.

I appreciate those who talk of this being a spectrum disease.

I am wondering if there is such a thing as remission. I wonder if those here that have had 5-30 years with partners had periods were traits were not so engulfing.

I know that my ex's only other serious relationship since her marriage mirrored ours. 2.5 years. several break-ups, et.al. I have heard many others lasting similar time. Is there such a concept and "Full-blown BPD?"

it is such a spectrum

[froggy]

Been in mine for 34 years and my sister in hers for 41.

Nope... no remission... . there are no idolizing periods... . just less dysfunctional. He does seem to cycle. But is generally in a miserable mood and can snap at the stupidest things... threatened to kick D24 in the head the other day for using the wrong tone then got mad at me for getting after him because it was inaproprate...

No they don't get better without meds and therapy. ... he doesn't HAVE a problem so isn't in need of either of those things.

I think he has less major deregulation because he just stays away from us... . stays in the basement and drinks or plays video games when hes home.