To the RESCUE...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

                         "Fools run in where angels fear to tread"

I never really thought of the true concept of this statement until my BPDex dumped me obviously for NO reason other than a fabrication of my "control". The resonating of so many adages rings true after the war... . LOVE IS BLIND... . I saw the warning written all over the hall but just like Morrison said I took a face from the ancient gallery and I walked on down the hall. I rushed in the hero to fix and make better all of the injustice done to her, all the while everyone on the outside could see what was going on.  I changed me to be what she wanted and in the end, I lost the truth of who I am. I lost my self worth my pride and even to a large degree I lost my ability to want to care... . Cold and dead I have moved on dragging with me my wounded self... . Today I am taking a stand... . I am taking back what is mine... . My self worth, my dignity... . my core being. I am the master of my destiny! I have seen the pit I put myself in looking up wishing for a ray of sunshine,hoping against hope that she would look upon me and realize that she was my sun my sustenance my all.  I forgot to look around in that pit for my own rescue... . I used the tools that Turkish and Skip and corraline and all the rest of you have shown me in this pit to construct a ladder and rung by rung I am coming up, I know that the rungs are hobbled together and some may break along my journey and I AM prepared for that immanent probability but I have the tools to repair it and move on... . To believe in myself that the journey will indeed have a trophy at the end... . ME. I do appreciate the fact that the next time I stumble upon a pit with a poor lamb in it, I will in most probably try to help it out... . I am a rescuer... . But unlike before I have learned that the best way to help is to stay out of the pit. Because as you struggle from the pit pushing the lamb up and out to safety and you get that shocking glimpse under the facade that it wasn't a lamb at all but a wolf shrouded in lamb skin and your in the pit alone. The wolf on to eat other sheep until it falls into the next pit and the next "fool rushes in where angels fear to tread"... .   I won't be the be the fool on the bottom I'll be the shepherd who throws a rope... . Thank you one and all for your posts,your comments, pouring out the ugly truths that have been the rungs. TODAY is the next step up and out I see sunshine and it looks like ME... .

[Jb2003]

                         "Fools run in where angels fear to tread"

I never really thought of the true concept of this statement until my BPDex dumped me obviously for NO reason other than a fabrication of my "control". The resonating of so many adages rings true after the war... . LOVE IS BLIND... . I saw the warning written all over the hall but just like Morrison said I took a face from the ancient gallery and I walked on down the hall. I rushed in the hero to fix and make better all of the injustice done to her, all the while everyone on the outside could see what was going on.  I changed me to be what she wanted and in the end, I lost the truth of who I am. I lost my self worth my pride and even to a large degree I lost my ability to want to care... . Cold and dead I have moved on dragging with me my wounded self... . Today I am taking a stand... . I am taking back what is mine... . My self worth, my dignity... . my core being. I am the master of my destiny! I have seen the pit I put myself in looking up wishing for a ray of sunshine,hoping against hope that she would look upon me and realize that she was my sun my sustenance my all.  I forgot to look around in that pit for my own rescue... . I used the tools that Turkish and Skip and corraline and all the rest of you have shown me in this pit to construct a ladder and rung by rung I am coming up, I know that the rungs are hobbled together and some may break along my journey and I AM prepared for that immanent probability but I have the tools to repair it and move on... . To believe in myself that the journey will indeed have a trophy at the end... . ME. I do appreciate the fact that the next time I stumble upon a pit with a poor lamb in it, I will in most probably try to help it out... . I am a rescuer... . But unlike before I have learned that the best way to help is to stay out of the pit. Because as you struggle from the pit pushing the lamb up and out to safety and you get that shocking glimpse under the facade that it wasn't a lamb at all but a wolf shrouded in lamb skin and your in the pit alone. The wolf on to eat other sheep until it falls into the next pit and the next "fool rushes in where angels fear to tread"... .   I won't be the be the fool on the bottom I'll be the shepherd who throws a rope... . Thank you one and all for your posts,your comments, pouring out the ugly truths that have been the rungs. TODAY is the next step up and out I see sunshine and it looks like ME... .

[corraline]

hey jb

thanks for sharing.

i referenced this poem a while ago but i couldnt copy and paste as i was on my cell and i haven't figured that out... . yikes

but here it is again for you

I have a cool cd from this guy called "when the heart breaks" David Whyte

sometimes i find music or poetry reaches us on a soul level and can touch us in a deeper place.

so here it is .

Everything is Waiting for You



Your great mistake is to act the drama

as if you were alone. As if life

were a progressive and cunning crime

with no witness to the tiny hidden

transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny

the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,

even you, at times, have felt the grand array;

the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding

out your solo voice You must note

the way the soap dish enables you,

or the window latch grants you freedom.

Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.

The stairs are your mentor of things

to come, the doors have always been there

to frighten you and invite you,

and the tiny speaker in the phone

is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into

the conversation. The kettle is singing

even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots

have left their arrogant aloofness and

seen the good in you at last. All the birds

and creatures of the world are unutterably

themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

  -- David Whyte

[Jb2003]

Thanks Corraline it rings true and clear... .