In desperate need for help and advice

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hey there,

Things are not going well at the moment. I dont know what to make of this whole ordeal anymore and I am starting to doubt myself big time.

I was part of an online community for 7 years, thats how I met my ex. We shared mutual friends there, with that there was my 'best friend' whom I builded a real life friendship with for over 3 years. She is now involved in a sexual r/s with my ex. 

In those 7 years I met a lot of people and with some it grew to be a real friendship that formed in real life. My reputation in the online community was of someone who wasnt affraid to speak her mind and who was trustworthy. I had to remove myself from that community to stay out of the drama my ex caused after our break up. It was to hurtfull to get confronted with the things he wrote and did after the break up. It was to triggering for me.

But now I find myself texting the few people that I considered true friends from that online community ( just a 'how are you doing, hope everything is giong well', and I dont get a response from none of them. I called and I texted, no respons whatsoever.

My calls get directly to VM, and I left a message but nothing... .

I am really getting slightly paranoid here... . WTF is going on? I dont understand, and suspect a big smear campain going on, but I am not sure. It is starting to feel like I am the crazy one.

The only way to know for sure is to get back to that online community again and read whatever my ex is writing there about me, but I cant do that, I am not strong enough yet to be confronted with whatever is going on.

I doubt myself big time and feel like I am going crazy. Im in panic. Can someone shed an objective light on this please?

[Dog biscuit]

Hey there,

Things are not going well at the moment. I dont know what to make of this whole ordeal anymore and I am starting to doubt myself big time.

I was part of an online community for 7 years, thats how I met my ex. We shared mutual friends there, with that there was my 'best friend' whom I builded a real life friendship with for over 3 years. She is now involved in a sexual r/s with my ex. 

In those 7 years I met a lot of people and with some it grew to be a real friendship that formed in real life. My reputation in the online community was of someone who wasnt affraid to speak her mind and who was trustworthy. I had to remove myself from that community to stay out of the drama my ex caused after our break up. It was to hurtfull to get confronted with the things he wrote and did after the break up. It was to triggering for me.

But now I find myself texting the few people that I considered true friends from that online community ( just a 'how are you doing, hope everything is giong well', and I dont get a response from none of them. I called and I texted, no respons whatsoever.

My calls get directly to VM, and I left a message but nothing... .

I am really getting slightly paranoid here... . WTF is going on? I dont understand, and suspect a big smear campain going on, but I am not sure. It is starting to feel like I am the crazy one.

The only way to know for sure is to get back to that online community again and read whatever my ex is writing there about me, but I cant do that, I am not strong enough yet to be confronted with whatever is going on.

I doubt myself big time and feel like I am going crazy. Im in panic. Can someone shed an objective light on this please?

[happylogist]

Hi Dog Biscuit,

Sorry you are going through it all... . My ex also ended up with a mutual friend... . I also removed myself from the same circle of friends and basically went NC, because any communication was too much triggering.  I also sometimes want to contact them and show that I care and I did not disappear for no reason. I even did a couple of times, but there was no intimacy as it used to be. Or when it was I felt like talking about my ex - but stopped myself realizing that it was a mistake.

It would be better for you if you try to distance yourself from what's going on at the moment. People talk, people turn their back.

The only advice I could give you is already what you are doing - keep yourself away and think about yourself more than about "what they think about me and what he has told me about them". You wrote a couple of times showing your care and interest, the rest is theirs: either they want to talk to you to see objectively what is going on, or they do not want to be involved in the drama, or they were not objective and critical enough even though knowing you and never asking you anything, making a decision to go NC with you. Let them go. You did everything.

Cheers!

[Dog biscuit]

Thanks for your response happylogist. Sorry that you had to go trough the same.

Yes, I did what I could do, I have to let it go.