Have any of you heard this?

[Kallor74]

":)on't TELL me what to do!"   

Me: Hey baby don't forget to call to reserve our seats.

BPD: Don't tell me what to do!

Me: Honey can you turn off that light?

BPD: Yes but don't tell me what to do!

Hahaahaha   I swear there has got to be some kind of BPD playbook out there. 

[Lamaiel]

Me:  "Hun sit up while in bed it will help your cough"

Her:  ":)on't ever daddy me!"

Me: "This might be a faster way to get home, tell the cab driver"

Her: "Shut up!, don't tell me what to do!" (her first rage at me; when I think i was first split black)

Me:  "I think this show is on at 9pm not 8pm"

Her:  (After I was proven correct) "Whatever I don't need your help"

Me:  "Let me help you with the this piece of clothing stuck on this hanger here"

Her:  ":)on't... . I work in retail, I can handle it!"

Me: "Be careful about this job opportunity, I don't trust this company and this process"

Her: "I don't need your help, stop daddying me!"

 

I'M A PROFESSIONAL JOB RECRUITER, IT'S HOW I MAKE MY LIVING

And of course:

Her:  "You need to be nicer to me... . I need you to care for me!"

Fiercely independent, until she decided she didn't want to be... .

[growing_wings]

yup... i got some of that too... .  

[Turkish]

In the first few months, we were sitting on the couch at her parents' house. I put my hand on her neck to massage it, and she pulled away. I asked her if I had hurt her, and she said, "no, but it feels like you are trying to control me and I don't like that!"  

Much later in the r/s, she said she appreciated that I didn't control her and I gave her freedom. Yes, so much freedom in the end that she neglected her kids, found a fallback lover and bolted :^)

In one of the very few conversations we had after the split, but while we were still living together, she said, "I need someone to lead me and guide me." Sure sounds like control to me. She found her guru... . a kid far more immature and less accomplished than either of us were at the same age. She probably thinks she is the one in control now.

I was also expected to fill the cultural role from her immigrant culture, while filling the role of the largely feminist defined male for US culture. And I would get accused of failing to do both successfully.

The CO detector battery needed changing. "That's your job, you're The Man!" Being raised by a single mother who was progressive and independent, and raised in the feminist movement (though she was not vehement about it), this was confusing to me. How hard is it to change a battery? I bought the batteries and mounted the CO detector on the wall. Couldn't she do something? My just turned 4 year old has taken it upon himself to successfully use a screw driver and change batteries in his toys.

[mitchell16]

the first time mine was having an emotional break down about some problem in her life, she was crying, shaking and very upset. I walked over and put my arms around her to comfort her and show her support. She pushed me back and said very sarcastic, when im upset Im not in the mood for stuff like that. I said ok, im sorry and backed away from her.

The next time she was having one her many break downs again over something I asked her if she wanted to to talk about it and maybe talking it out would come to a solution on what to do with the problem. she in a sarcastic voice said, when Im like this I dont feel like talking. so I shut up.

The next time, it was happening it was the same thing she was upset, crying, cursing etc... I just sat there and looked at her. I didnt do anything, no talking, hugging words of comfort. Just looked at her. She said you didnt try to comfort me, you just dont kow how to comfort someone do you?

so not matter what you do it will alway be the wrong thing. as hurtful as it was back then I can laugh about it now.

[HealingForMe]

so not matter what you do it will alway be the wrong thing. as hurtful as it was back then I can laugh about it now.

I had a laugh at this too. Its true, no matter what you do you will always have "done it wrong!"  

My BPDexgf often used to tell me I was controlling, yet she was the one who controlled everything about the r/s. Well not anymore now... .  

[day2day]

Me, in a very tender moment: "I love you."

Her: "I don't know how you can say that."

[woodsposse]

Me, in a very tender moment: "I love you."

Her: "I don't know how you can say that."

Oh I remember those comments... . sadly.   

[blissful_camper]

My experience was that there were many (too many) canned answers. 

Me: Please speak peacefully.

Ex: Don't tell me what to do. 

Me: Please don't yell at me.

Ex: Don't tell me what to do. 

Me: Please stop hanging up on me.

Ex: Don't tell me what to do.

Other canned answers I heard too many times:

"I haven't had much luck with relationships."

"I guess I don't know what a healthy relationship is."

"I don't know."

"I guess I'm kinda inconsistent."

"I don't always choose the right words so it comes across the wrong way."

"I'm really not a bad person."

[SKyDancer]

My experience was that there were many (too many) canned answers. 

Me: Please speak peacefully.

Ex: Don't tell me what to do. 

Me: Please don't yell at me.

Ex: Don't tell me what to do. 

Me: Please stop hanging up on me.

Ex: Don't tell me what to do.

Other canned answers I heard too many times:

"I haven't had much luck with relationships."

"I guess I don't know what a healthy relationship is."

"I don't know."

"I guess I'm kinda inconsistent."

"I don't always choose the right words so it comes across the wrong way."

"I'm really not a bad person."

Oh my.

The "I don't know"!  The answer to every single question.  Good luck having a deep conversation with "I don't know, you tell me", usually followed by "don't tell me what I think".

Well, if you never share what you think, my only other option is to guess it.

[fromheeltoheal]

Me: Can you please not tell me what to do?

Her: Don't tell me what to do.

Me: I didn't, I asked.

Her: I don't know what you're talking about.

[blissful_camper]

My experience was that there were many (too many) canned answers. 

Me: Please speak peacefully.

Ex: Don't tell me what to do. 

Me: Please don't yell at me.

Ex: Don't tell me what to do. 

Me: Please stop hanging up on me.

Ex: Don't tell me what to do.

Other canned answers I heard too many times:

"I haven't had much luck with relationships."

"I guess I don't know what a healthy relationship is."

"I don't know."

"I guess I'm kinda inconsistent."

"I don't always choose the right words so it comes across the wrong way."

"I'm really not a bad person."

Oh my.

The "I don't know"!  The answer to every single question.  Good luck having a deep conversation with "I don't know, you tell me", usually followed by "don't tell me what I think".

Well, if you never share what you think, my only other option is to guess it.

"I don't know" made it impossible to have a conversation that progressed toward resolution.  "I don't know, you tell me."  Yep.  I heard that one too when he was being confrontational. 

You nailed it.  I think the goal was to make us guess and keep us guessing. 

It's a non-committal form of communication.  It's a form of withholding. 

[sirensong65]

When mine was going through a depressive episode and gaining weight, eating poorly, drinking rum and coke nightly, I suggested we atleast walk the dog together at the end of each night to wind down and get some exercise and fresh air.  I was told I was trying to control him and he raged and grabbed all his dry cleaning on wire hangers off the rod, wadded it up and subsequently jabbed the wires into his hand and made himself bleed.  I stood there shocked.

I should have ended it right then.  WEIRD!

[rollercoaster24]

Hi all

I have a memory of my mobile ringing, I didn't recognise the number so I didn't answer it, (it was 8.30pm). BP ex partner immediately triggered, and starts to lose it again. The rant starts, along with the accusations, and then he comes outside, (where I have excused myself to gain some equilibrium) and still going on like the world is going to end, begins to amp up his rage, and starts punching himself in the face several times.

This is about where I should have left, but fear froze me, as I wondered if those punches would be directed at me or my property if I announced I was going home, (since his violence has often been directed at me).

Minutes later, he is going inside his room, grabbing my phone, and calling the number.

I am praying it isn't a dear male friend/work associate of mine, as I just know all hell would break lose if a friend called me, (even family calling is subject to the Spanish Inquisition).

As it turned out, it was the Security Company from my place of business, just confirming that I wasn't on site to lock up instead. I confirmed that no I wasn't presently on site, so they could lock up as normal.

After which, BP was extremely quiet for a little, and then he started all over again, the broken record of every event, person, past grievance. Ground Hog Day, (I realised if I stayed that I would certainly be kept awake past the point of agreement/boundaries).

The nightmare night I was anticipating, turned into a bad dream, and ended around 11.30pm, (BP ex finally decided to let me sleep, wow thanks!). A few hours later, at 4am, I was getting up for work again, and knowing I would face more music before I left... .

Soo many times I went through this madness, I must be insane!

[MissTajo]

Him: You know I can't make decisions. You have to decide things for us because if I do I feel guilty.

----

Me: I was thinking the "movie name" might be a good movie for us to see.

Him: You NEVER listen to my recommendations. We always have to see the movies you WANT to see and not the ones I like! (not true... . )

Him: You have to let me cook once and a while. Helps me focusing. Just teach me stuff to cook.

-----

Me: Honey, try adding some pepper and it would really bring up the soya flavour.

Him: You never trust me! Always bossing me around the kitchen. Let me create the food like I want to.

-----

Him: I HATE facebook. I hate the people on it.

(I also hate it so I was thinking about deleting it a long time before he came along)

Me: I would really like to detach myself from the need to be on social networks. Im thinking about closing my facebook account. It really bothers me... .

Him: Are you kidding me? You are ashamed to people to see we are in a relationship? You are ashamed of me! If I was a rich , older, classy guy like your exbf you would NOT be ashamed!

-----


Its always a no win situation... .

[Take2]

Hi all

I have a memory of my mobile ringing, I didn't recognise the number so I didn't answer it, (it was 8.30pm). BP ex partner immediately triggered, and starts to lose it again. The rant starts, along with the accusations, and then he comes outside, (where I have excused myself to gain some equilibrium) and still going on like the world is going to end, begins to amp up his rage, and starts punching himself in the face several times.

This is about where I should have left, but fear froze me, as I wondered if those punches would be directed at me or my property if I announced I was going home, (since his violence has often been directed at me).

Minutes later, he is going inside his room, grabbing my phone, and calling the number.

I am praying it isn't a dear male friend/work associate of mine, as I just know all hell would break lose if a friend called me, (even family calling is subject to the Spanish Inquisition).

As it turned out, it was the Security Company from my place of business, just confirming that I wasn't on site to lock up instead. I confirmed that no I wasn't presently on site, so they could lock up as normal.

After which, BP was extremely quiet for a little, and then he started all over again, the broken record of every event, person, past grievance. Ground Hog Day, (I realised if I stayed that I would certainly be kept awake past the point of agreement/boundaries).

The nightmare night I was anticipating, turned into a bad dream, and ended around 11.30pm, (BP ex finally decided to let me sleep, wow thanks!). A few hours later, at 4am, I was getting up for work again, and knowing I would face more music before I left... .

Soo many times I went through this madness, I must be insane!

It's like a version of my own story... .   that I'm still so upset at missing a person like this... . clearly highlights my codependency but wow.

And the one comment I always heard was that I was steam rolling him

Which was any time I attempted to stand firm on what the reality of any past situation was... .