getting a little weak.

[mitchell16]

today I smelled an recycle attempt coming. i work close to my exBPDgf but we dont have to see each other. Tomorrow would be 3 weeks without contact from her. and today she was hanging arouund the front of my building which always leads to her contacting me. I sensed it was coming and sure enough I get a text. telling me she heard I was dating someone and she was happy for me. She hoped I would be happy that I made her happy and she will always remmeber me. I didnt respond but I did feel it pull at my heart a bit.

he last contact with me was her getting mad during a text conversation for what I dont know. But then she gave me silent treatment for 2 weeks.

I need some support. because I my gut tells me this is just a way for her to engage me. once again and pull me back in to her. to only be once again destroyed.

[LettingGo14]

I need some support. because I my gut tells me this is just a way for her to engage me. once again and pull me back in to her. to only be once again destroyed.

Hello Mitchell.  You posted in the right place.  I spent a long time hanging on a cliff, waiting to fall.  And, even longer in fear of "what if she... . "

Until I found this community.

Here's what others have shown me here:  I have the power to draw boundaries [result:  every avenue of communication is blocked].   

And, even better, I now have the opportunity to feel fear, pain, rejection, sadness and heartbreak in ways that are going to restore me, rather than destroy me.   

We're here for you.

[seeking balance]

Let's look at what you really FEAR Mitchell... .

her contact?

or

YOUR REACTION?

The good news is, you have all the control over you and your boundaries... . what are some strategies you can think of if she does contact you either via text or walking up to you? practicing like before a game really does help.

[oldweasel]

Stay strong, brother. Your gut never lies to you, and with all the craziness they make, we often don't listen to our guts. Start listening and stand strong.

[mitchell16]

thanks for the advice. I dont think I have a fear,except they fear that I will allow myself to get sucked back in. I cna not figure out for the life of me the hold thsi person seems to have over me. This has been one of the hardest things to conquer in my life.

[seeking balance]

I dont think I have a fear,except they fear that I will allow myself to get sucked back in.

That is what fear looks like 

So, practice here (think of it like practicing for a big game) - what will you do if she emails or texts you?

What will you do if she walks up to you?

No need to be a victim - practice... . it really does work.

[bpdspell]

A good question to ask yourself is what do you believe that this woman has that completes your well being? There is a tendency to put our ex's on a pedestal when in reality they are very sick people who happen to look normal on the outside. Let's say you do recycle. Do you believe there will be a happily ever after even knowing what you now know about BPD?

I think it would do you some good to explore this "hold" that your ex has over you. Yes the text was a hook being thrown and now it's up to you to take the bait. But think about your life in the long term. Can this woman ever give you the love you deserve? Shallow sex; yes. But healthy, stable, love based on mutual respect and admiration? Highly doubtful.

As much as our fantasies can delude us we cannot shape a disordered person's love into the mold we want. Their minds have been problematic for a long time…way before we came into the picture and there's no amount of "goodness" that we can model to them that will change them. What you see is what you get when it comes to these narcissists. They view the world very differently from us and to them love=need and being rescued from their disordered minds that are constantly betraying them. A life with an untreated borderline is a life of instability.

If you feel "weak" for this woman grab a pen and paper and write down and have a heart to heart with yourself. You'll probably be surprised by your answers.

Spell

[mitchell16]

BPDspell, no she cant give me what I want. On the outside she appears so normal but ist behind closed doors that the real her comes out. I have been down the recycle road so much in I have heard and saw all her tricks. BUt with that said it still hurts me that she still trys to engage me and know that she has no intentions of being or that she cant be in a normal relationship. It like she just keeps tearing the scab of a wound. and because deep down i still love her it makes m every sad. yes, I see this as a attempt to enegage me. she is fishing. I ignored it. and if it like in the past in with in a few days I will be bombarded with calls or the hateful texts will start to roll in.

[Aussie0zborn]

Why not do yourself a favour and block her number to start with?