pictures open wounds

[tucsonstrom]

Hello all,

I found a file in my computer full of pictures.   It feels like she planted them there to inflict additional pain.   It hurts bad.   Thank you all for your support and education.    I see those pictures of better times and it just breaks my heart.   I feel like I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.   I am working to maintain composure publicly but I am exhausted, frustated, angry at myself.   I understand time will put all this in perspective but seeing these pictures starts a mine-field of thoughts.   I have erased the file but I can't unsee the images.

Thank you.

[corraline]

Sometimes when i get overwhelmed and i am triggered again and i feel hopeless cause all thats left is in my head... . I imagine clearing it out for a bit ... . like an energy sweep in my mind and put it somewhere ... . for me its an open door and i request for it to be healed or transformed.   I also create a safe place for myself and imagine being there when i feel the trauma come up. Its what i have to do to process it until i go and see my therapist.    i create space for me.   its harder sometimes than others considering how strongly i am triggered or if i am tired or hungry or whatever.

just an idea

[AwakenedOne]

Corraline has a good idea, sounds really positive. What works for me is catching myself from the thought fast and going in an opposite direction, focusing instead on a specific moment of bad times with this person that showed they didn't care about me etc... . Basically a wake up/coffee thought. If the first thought doesn't change the vibe I have plenty of bad memories to choose from.

[tucsonstrom]

Thank you - I reread the ruminations tread again and it helped... . just part of my healing jouney.   

I think maybe it is time to reread the mindful topics.

[DB33]

I did the exact same thing today. Opened a file to delete the pictures but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Over 1500 pics and each and every one was of smiles and good times. Our trips, our hikes , our dates, our engagement etc. I find myself clinging to these happy times and not wanting to face the everything else.

She told me today she was going on a date, to go see a movie out if town. When I looked at those pictures I imagined her new date having fun with her making her laugh, and taking new picture memories. It hurts.

This afternoon I went to the store and passed her as she was headed out of town with her date at her side... . It was her mom :-/ once again she lied. Time for a reality check and step out of the fog. My imagination and fears are getting the best of me.

So hang in there. Those images you see are just a part of the real her. If we had only taken pictures of their other side this process might be a little easier.

[Fool for Love]

Something that helped me. I took all the pictures in the folder (didn't open it) and put them on a memory stick ... . Put it in a small box and taped the lid. I then put it in the corner of my closet . I was not ready to just delete them either . I look at it this way . One day , when I am fully healed ... I can either delete them or just throw them away ... . I think when that time comes ... . I will add some rocks to the box ... . and put it in the lake ... .

[tucsonstrom]

Those images you see are just a part of the real her. If we had only taken pictures of their other side this process might be a little easier.

Funny you should mention this.   When we first met I had camera by my side all the time.   If I took a picture of her that was not staged or perfect it would set her off into rage.   Knowing what I know now I understand the dynamic.  What an education... . thank you Lord.

[heartandwhole]

Hi tusconstrom,

It's really normal to feel upset after seeing pictures of the good times.  Like you and many others here, looking at the pix he sent me was very painful, so they are now off my computer and other devices.

If you can, let yourself feel the feelings associated with this loss.  Even though it's been a very painful ride, this is still a loss, and it triggers memories of losses throughout your life, so you are grieving for much more than the breakup of a relationship.  Be gentle with yourself and check out the lessons on the right if you haven't already------------->

We're here for you, tusconstrom. 

[Aussie0zborn]

I totally understand but I have not deleted any photos but nor do I look at them either.  I have only deleted her photos from my mobile phone when it runs out of disk space and I want to take a photo of the new lady in my life.

Looking at her photos reminds me of what a sad joke the whole relationship was and what a sick person and con artist she is. Maybe that's why I keep them?

I certainly don't miss anything from this abusive relationship that went on for way too long.