uBPD MIL threatened to sue for visitation of my child

[Depression = 72% of members]

My son is one year old and he has only seen my in-laws (who live 15 minutes away) a handful of times in his life. My MIL is undiagnosed with BPD but we went to family counseling and the counselor suggested that my MIL fit the bill for this diagnois to a T. After many outbursts and completely irrational threats we convinced my MIL to go seek counseling on her own. She has embraced counseling a little too much-anything we argue about she now starts with "my counselor even told me that you're wrong", "my counselor even told me you shouldn't have said that" "I was just saying what my counselor told me to say". She uses her counselor as a free pass for doing and saying whatever she wants. And my favorite is "my counselor said she has no idea where that lady (our family counselor) would ever get the idea I have a disorder, she said if people really need a label for what I have its just normal "anxiety." I feel like forcing her to get help has only backfired on me.

Needless to say, I did allow her to babysit my son a couple of times to please my husband. On one occasion she mentioed taking him to get ice cream and then later I asked my husband "he's only three months old, surely she was just joking right?" To which he replied, just text her that he can't have ice cream if it makes you feel better. So I did. Her reply was to text my husband and say "look what your wife sent me behind your back. Why can't he have ice cream but you guys give him french fries?" (side note: we did not give him a french fry we let him lick the salt and then posted a facebook video of the funny faces he made). My husband told his mom that it doesn't matter why we say he can't have ice cream-we are the parents and we can feed him or not feed him whatever we want. Then later that evening when we picked him up, I noticed a lump on the back of his head (not an injury just a weird growth type thing and I mentioned it to my husband). Months later my MIL said "you accused me of hurting his head" I had to pull out of her what she was talking about for the next fifteen minutes until I finally figured out she meant the bump on his head that I'd noticed months before! Recently she told my husband that when i broke up with my husband (in college) that people told her it was for the best because I was known for lying... . she just offhandedly told my husband this for no reason. My husband was furious with his mom for putting me down like that and I was hurt and angry as well. Which is why we will only allow her to visit our child with us around-we have no idea what she'll do or say. When we had to cancel dinner plans tonight she threatened to take us to court for grandparent visitation! I dont know what to do. Obviously she wouldn't win but I'm so frustrated I dont' know what to do. When I confront her about it she will just say "i just said that in anger I would never do that".

I'm at my wits end!

[JWells]

My son is one year old and he has only seen my in-laws (who live 15 minutes away) a handful of times in his life. My MIL is undiagnosed with BPD but we went to family counseling and the counselor suggested that my MIL fit the bill for this diagnois to a T. After many outbursts and completely irrational threats we convinced my MIL to go seek counseling on her own. She has embraced counseling a little too much-anything we argue about she now starts with "my counselor even told me that you're wrong", "my counselor even told me you shouldn't have said that" "I was just saying what my counselor told me to say". She uses her counselor as a free pass for doing and saying whatever she wants. And my favorite is "my counselor said she has no idea where that lady (our family counselor) would ever get the idea I have a disorder, she said if people really need a label for what I have its just normal "anxiety." I feel like forcing her to get help has only backfired on me.

Needless to say, I did allow her to babysit my son a couple of times to please my husband. On one occasion she mentioed taking him to get ice cream and then later I asked my husband "he's only three months old, surely she was just joking right?" To which he replied, just text her that he can't have ice cream if it makes you feel better. So I did. Her reply was to text my husband and say "look what your wife sent me behind your back. Why can't he have ice cream but you guys give him french fries?" (side note: we did not give him a french fry we let him lick the salt and then posted a facebook video of the funny faces he made). My husband told his mom that it doesn't matter why we say he can't have ice cream-we are the parents and we can feed him or not feed him whatever we want. Then later that evening when we picked him up, I noticed a lump on the back of his head (not an injury just a weird growth type thing and I mentioned it to my husband). Months later my MIL said "you accused me of hurting his head" I had to pull out of her what she was talking about for the next fifteen minutes until I finally figured out she meant the bump on his head that I'd noticed months before! Recently she told my husband that when i broke up with my husband (in college) that people told her it was for the best because I was known for lying... . she just offhandedly told my husband this for no reason. My husband was furious with his mom for putting me down like that and I was hurt and angry as well. Which is why we will only allow her to visit our child with us around-we have no idea what she'll do or say. When we had to cancel dinner plans tonight she threatened to take us to court for grandparent visitation! I dont know what to do. Obviously she wouldn't win but I'm so frustrated I dont' know what to do. When I confront her about it she will just say "i just said that in anger I would never do that".

I'm at my wits end!

[coraliesolange]

My best advice is to start recording these things in a notebook with the date and time so you have a record in case she actually does take you to court. Also find out what the laws are in your state about recording phone calls, consider a nanny cam (but be careful about audio there as well).  Just keep documenting.

[coraliesolange]

Oh also, if you think there's any chance at all that she'll follow through with the threat it might be good to check in with an attorney.

[Louise7777]

I dont know in what country you live, but grandparents suing parents for visitation looks like a joke to me. But Im sure BPD/ NPDs go to extreme lenghths just to upset people. I dealt and still deal with them, but I run whenever possible.

Talk to an attorney just for your peace of mind. And mever ever leave your child alone with her. I have uBPD/ NPD parents and I know whats like... . Thank God cause your husband supports you, they are great at dividing and conquering... . Best of luck

[coraliesolange]

I'm not sure how common it is but I've heard of grandparents' rights type things before.  I know it can be done although I'm not sure how difficult it is.

[Deb]

Of the states that have gparent's rights, usually they do not apply when the couple is married. In the US anyway. Usually, they only apply when one of the parents of the  gkids has died and the gparents have to show they had a relationship.

[JWells]

I work for a law firm so I know she has no shot in hell of ever getting my kid. I've save all of her stalker emails and threatening texts. She's just so unstable it's frustrating. My MIL has her whole family under her talons and she keeps them away from my husband unless they are in a good place... . which is rare. I feel bad for my husband because he misses his family.