Different Degrees or Levels of BPD?

[Cushy]

Are there varying degrees of BPD?  I have been reading a lot of posts here and although I can relate to a lot of what I read, there are some things posted that I haven’t gone through.  My hope is that there are varying degrees.  My fear is that maybe my dd18 is still young and hasn’t exhibited some of the behavior I’ve read about here (physical abuse, telling outrageous lies about parents/friends/siblings, sexual promiscuity).  Do people’s experiences with BPD vary or are the issues I stated in parenthesis something that may still develop?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, Cushy & 

Have you ever read "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Randi Kreger? In it, she explains Low Functioning BPD & High Functioning BPD. The symptoms and behaviors of BPD can be different for the two; like 2 sides of the same coin, with similar behaviors sandwiched in the middle    A more detailed and thorough explanation of the differences, and also the varying degrees of BPD can be found in this book, also by Randi Kreger: Essential Family Guide.

My own adult (37) son was diagnosed with BPD a year ago, while spending 21 days in an Intensive Inpatient Dual Diagnosis Center (because of ADD, Depression, Suicidal Ideations, Substance Addiction & Social Anxiety). He's on his way to recovery now--more than a year clean and sober from Heroin, and the happiest he's ever been--but he was never violent, and he always directed his anger and frustration and rages into himself, not outward to others. That is typical of the Low Functioning nature of his BPD. So, yeah... . there are different ways the BPD exhibits itself in the sufferers' disorders.

[Cushy]

Thank you for responding, Rapt Reader.  I bought both of those books on my kindle this week and have begun reading Essential Family Guide. I did touch upon the topic of Low Functioning BPD and thought that might be my daughter but had to put the book down to get to work. 

My daughter has everything you stated about your son (besides substance addiction and I hope that doesn't happen) and resorted to cutting in high school (I haven’t noticed any marks lately)  and now I find that she has been purging.  She has been in treatment since middle school (about 6 or 7 years).  The term BPD was mentioned back then but of course they said they don’t usually officially diagnose until the kids are older. We put her in a good therapy program for BPD at 15 for a year and I believe it helped tremendously.  In that program they also diagnosed her with depression, ADHD and an anxiety disorder.  I am thankful we did that treatment but it was very expensive and they did not take any insurance.  I was hoping the diagnosis about BPD was wrong, but finally accepted just the past few months that she has BPD so I am trying to learn as much as I can.

She lies to get herself out of trouble.  She spends more money than she has and is always borrowing.  There have been times I have found money missing so I now have my money hidden.  She is good at placing blame and making me think I’m crazy.  That being said she can also be the nicest, sweetest person at times too.  Sounds like a contradiction. 

She didn't do well in college first semester (away) and came home.  We enrolled her in a community college for the Spring semester but we had to withdraw her for health reasons (mono and surgery within 2 weeks of each other).  When we withdrew her from school we put her in a partial hospitalization program because she said that she was having bad thoughts again and thought she needed extra help. Sometimes I wonder if she said that because she may have been doing poorly in school and was getting overwhelmed and afraid we would be upset if she failed.  You just never know with her.  I'm beginning to think that she may never finish college but I am still hopeful.  We will begin again with college next semester but will start slowly with a class or two a semester.  We just want her to be able to be a functioning, happy adult who can support herself.

[yogablue]

Hi Cushy

I found your question interesting, as I ask myself the same question about my 22yo dd. She was diagnosed as high functioning, but what I find so confusing is she seems to have a high level of awareness, and acceptance of, her diagnosis.

She is currently in T, which she played an active part in arranging although it's early days yet.  She's only had 2 sessions but relates well to the T which is a good sign.

pwBPD all seem so different in some ways, yet similar in others.  My dd has never cut herself, but self-harms in other ways like over or under-eating, and has possibly (but I hope not) developed substance addiction.  I guess this will come out in the T.

When she's not emotionally dysregulated, she can function fairly well, hold down a job etc.  She manages to keep friends from a decade or more ago, but then often feels 'she has no friends' when she's not coping.

At the moment she's highly dys-functional after breaking up with her b/f a few months ago.  Blames him for everything, has no job, isn't studying, is living in a decrepit house on social security etc.  It is such a confusing illness, and I'm so pleased that you have found T was useful for your dd.  Like you, I've only recently got my head around the fact that she has BPD and am learning as much as I can.

I can also recommend Valerie Porr's book, 'Understanding BPD' which is a guide for family members in supporting their loved one with BPD.  They can be perfectionists and think that they are failures, so this is possibly true for your dd as well.  My dd can be extremely caring and supportive of her friends when they're going through a bad time.  She is also hopeless with money and always short of it for one reason or another.  She doesn't live with us, and is struggling to make it on her own.  Best of luck.

[Cushy]

Thank you for responding Yogablue. My wish for you is that therapy helps both your family and your dd.  I do have a question, however.  Is your dd with a therapist who understands BPD and is experienced with cognitive behavioral therapy?  My dd saw a few therapists before we found one who was experienced with this type of therapy.  It really does help.

I will buy Understanding BPD next when I finish reading the two I've already purchased.  You can never have enough information. 

Thank you for reaching out to me.  I am happy to know your dd was active in getting herself help.  I hope you only see brighter days ahead.

[jellibeans]

Cushy

I believe the book is called Overcoming BPd by Valerie Porr... . excellent book... . highly recommend it

[Cushy]

Thanks jellibeans.  Nice to hear from you again!  I appreciate all the information you have provided.

[yogablue]

Sorry, you're right jellibeans, the book by Valerie Porr is called Overcoming BPD.  I have a feeling I'll be referring to it a lot in the future!  I believe the author is a parent of a pwBPD, and also is a trained DB therapist.

Yes Cushy, my dd and I sought out psychologists who were a) experienced in treating pwBPD and b) experienced with DBT and c) had an interest in treating pwBPD.  I realise all of these are important and that some Ts don't like to take too many BPD patients on due to the amount of time they take.  So hopefully we'll see some small steps of progress in time.

I was interested when reading Valerie Porr's book that part of the T initially involves telephone counselling when the client is having issues in the moment.  This seems to make a lot of sense.

I also realise that I have a whole lot of learning to do myself!  Validating and using other techniques in the lessons on this site, not enabling etc.  And practising mindfulness which I think will be useful in many parts of my life.

Thanks for your comments Cushy, yes I too hope that my dd engages in the T and starts to live a life worth living.  When she's not triggered, while she's still obviously  in intense emotional pain inside and reacts very quickly and sometimes inappropriately, she seems to function fairly well.  I've notice how quickly her moods can change though.  She's mastered how to appear 'okay' on the outside, but I realise there's an emotionally small child within her adult body.

I'm learning to feel a lot more empathy now that I'm understanding the disorder better.  When she was in her teens it was like an emotional roller-coaster or tornado much of the time and I would've gained so much insight and support then from a site like this.

So you're in the right place, it's wonderful that your dd had treatment at 15yrs, I'm sure it's helped her a lot.  Like you, and all of us, we'd just like our children to be able to function, get an education and a job, and hopefully lead a fairly productive life.