sharing this.

[Depression = 72% of members]

ive been here for a while. and have  rode the BPD train for a long time. after us being broke up for 6 month or better. She attempted a recycle around feb. I was LC we had a lunch or two. discussed our relationship, the mistake etc... . she wa stalking about us maybe getting back togetehr. I listen but I didnt bite. Out of no where she decided that something i said in a text was the wrong to thing to say. She goes silent on me. I really dindt care because I was expecting it from her. after baout two weeks of not hear a thing from her, I get an voice mail with telling me she was sorry for ignoring me but that she had been really stressed. I repsonding with a very lite "ok" nothing more. Then last week she starts texting me, telling me she heard I was dating someone and she thought that was good. Which she is wrong Im not dating anyone. I did go on a few dates a couple of months back. me and this person decided that we was better friends and left it at that. I ignored her text. The next one was very accusing, asking me how i could have feelings for her and being dating someone else I ignored that one to. The next one rolled on few days late, this one was very apolgetic and saying she new she hadnt been a good girlfriend to me and I deserved better. I ignored that one. The netx one came in telling me how she couldnt live without me and  she was still in love with me. I ignored that one. The netx one came in and it said she was moving on and the she had met someone but was giving me one chance to work it out and now that I was involved with someone ( not true) she knew she needed to give this new guy a chance. I really dont know what im looking for here right now, maybe to vent. My heart is really pulling. I know about BPD, I know how this realtionship had made me feel, I know she will never change. But Im still very hurt and sad by all this. thanks

[mitchell16]

ive been here for a while. and have  rode the BPD train for a long time. after us being broke up for 6 month or better. She attempted a recycle around feb. I was LC we had a lunch or two. discussed our relationship, the mistake etc... . she wa stalking about us maybe getting back togetehr. I listen but I didnt bite. Out of no where she decided that something i said in a text was the wrong to thing to say. She goes silent on me. I really dindt care because I was expecting it from her. after baout two weeks of not hear a thing from her, I get an voice mail with telling me she was sorry for ignoring me but that she had been really stressed. I repsonding with a very lite "ok" nothing more. Then last week she starts texting me, telling me she heard I was dating someone and she thought that was good. Which she is wrong Im not dating anyone. I did go on a few dates a couple of months back. me and this person decided that we was better friends and left it at that. I ignored her text. The next one was very accusing, asking me how i could have feelings for her and being dating someone else I ignored that one to. The next one rolled on few days late, this one was very apolgetic and saying she new she hadnt been a good girlfriend to me and I deserved better. I ignored that one. The netx one came in telling me how she couldnt live without me and  she was still in love with me. I ignored that one. The netx one came in and it said she was moving on and the she had met someone but was giving me one chance to work it out and now that I was involved with someone ( not true) she knew she needed to give this new guy a chance. I really dont know what im looking for here right now, maybe to vent. My heart is really pulling. I know about BPD, I know how this realtionship had made me feel, I know she will never change. But Im still very hurt and sad by all this. thanks

[winston72]

Hey Mitchell... . hard stuff.  Thank you for expressing it so clearly and candidly.  I experienced every one of those pieces of communication, just not in such a condensed period of time. 

Your post prompts me to reflect on how I was/am attracted to the instability of my ex's personality.  I wish I wasn't, I don't like to admit it, but rather than it causing me to step away, I was/am drawn to it.  I am slowly becoming more and more aware of this in myself and starting to learn how to experience joy in other personalities.

The communication from your ex as recounted in your post is quite unstable.  Still, I have to read it a few times to fully appreciate it!  My, I have a lot of growing to do... .  

It is sad.  But better days are ahead for you.  Sadness will breed perspective and a fullness of life.  Thank you for sharing your sadness with us.

[DreamGirl]

Why did you ignore the texts that came in after the two weeks?

[Take2]

It's truly such a hard process to go thru... .   I feel for you Mitchell... I too am having a very hard time although my NC period is far shorter than yours (I work with my ex and see him all the time - makes it wildly painful).  Are you interested in taking another chance with her?

It sounds like you are but that you know it's not a wise move in the long run.  Of course I've thought that with every single recycle I've been through.    Whatever you feel you need to do is what is right for you... . as hard as it is and as painful as it is, it does sound like you are strong and capable of enforcing your own boundaries... .   I hope you can feel some strength in knowing that you are taking careof yourself... .

[mitchell16]

i ignored the text that came in because I knew what was coming. She ahd alredy sent one ealrier telling me how she had been stressed over something and ignored that one to. This is her typical pattern. She will act horrible, push me away, break up, attempt to pull me and blame it all on som externaly stresor. The firts few times It happened I believe I just needed to be more supportive of her needs and that she was stressed.

[BacknthSaddle]

There are many, many beautiful, wonderful women in this world who aren't like this, with whom you can feel safe and relaxed and at peace.  As winston72 said, the problem is with us that we are attracted to such unstable personalities.  As you said, you know what's coming.  So keep reminding yourself of that, keep posting here, and keep working on yourself.