Words and actions...

[Depression = 72% of members]

2 months of NC and it feels i'm on a good road... .

Still think about her when waking up or going to bed and many times during the day, but sometimes YES... . i realize she wasnt on my mind for some time and that makes me smile!

Enjoying my friends, family and work more then ever, i feel in the moment and realizing how wonderful people i have around me and who love me unconditionally without having to proof or explain myself and allowed to have a bad day.


My last contact with my undiagnosed exBPDgf were some textmessages she sended after a fight with her current gf. She sended she was in chaos, broke up, nowhere to go to with her son... . I reacted cool, grab yourself and your son together and take your life in your hand tomorrow. The next day i sended her a text asking how she was, if she made some decisions? I'm ok, its better... . So what are you going to do i ask? About what she says... . euh... about your sitiation? No answer since then... . but the next day hearts all around on her fb with her girlfriend again... .

That was the drop i needed i guess. Put in all filters in place on social media so i dont get her posts or feeds anymore and limited access on my account.


I started to realize it was very unhealthy. Long distance, 2 years of push and pull after the break up, triangulated, her safety-net on a sort of clossest friendslevel, but during all that time i silently hoped to get back together while i watched her flirt all around... . and then i found all this information which gave so many answers to what happend. Closure i never got from her and so many conversations didnt came to a descent ending... . But i gave that hope up and dont what to re-live this again so i'm commited to myself to not give in when having a hard time. I do miss the intensity, i do miss to feel needed and feel often lonely.


But i still struggle with her words... . Her written words were basicly all i had to do it with before we got together and after. How could she write so many beautiful words to me and act so different on it. The long distance created i took her words for the only truth, her soul... . but her real life is something else. And that is so hard to understand... . how could she?

So does anyone depended on written words, emails, texts and social media struggle with the fact you feel manipulated, lied, used to fill her instant need. How did you find closure in yourself for that?

[icecream]

2 months of NC and it feels i'm on a good road... .

Still think about her when waking up or going to bed and many times during the day, but sometimes YES... . i realize she wasnt on my mind for some time and that makes me smile!

Enjoying my friends, family and work more then ever, i feel in the moment and realizing how wonderful people i have around me and who love me unconditionally without having to proof or explain myself and allowed to have a bad day.


My last contact with my undiagnosed exBPDgf were some textmessages she sended after a fight with her current gf. She sended she was in chaos, broke up, nowhere to go to with her son... . I reacted cool, grab yourself and your son together and take your life in your hand tomorrow. The next day i sended her a text asking how she was, if she made some decisions? I'm ok, its better... . So what are you going to do i ask? About what she says... . euh... about your sitiation? No answer since then... . but the next day hearts all around on her fb with her girlfriend again... .

That was the drop i needed i guess. Put in all filters in place on social media so i dont get her posts or feeds anymore and limited access on my account.


I started to realize it was very unhealthy. Long distance, 2 years of push and pull after the break up, triangulated, her safety-net on a sort of clossest friendslevel, but during all that time i silently hoped to get back together while i watched her flirt all around... . and then i found all this information which gave so many answers to what happend. Closure i never got from her and so many conversations didnt came to a descent ending... . But i gave that hope up and dont what to re-live this again so i'm commited to myself to not give in when having a hard time. I do miss the intensity, i do miss to feel needed and feel often lonely.


But i still struggle with her words... . Her written words were basicly all i had to do it with before we got together and after. How could she write so many beautiful words to me and act so different on it. The long distance created i took her words for the only truth, her soul... . but her real life is something else. And that is so hard to understand... . how could she?

So does anyone depended on written words, emails, texts and social media struggle with the fact you feel manipulated, lied, used to fill her instant need. How did you find closure in yourself for that?

[Kallor74]

But i still struggle with her words... . Her written words were basicly all i had to do it with before we got together and after. How could she write so many beautiful words to me and act so different on it. The long distance created i took her words for the only truth, her soul... . but her real life is something else. And that is so hard to understand... . how could she?

My exBPDgf once told me that words mean nothing to her.

I know what it's like to be held in rapture at a beautiful woman looking deeply into my eyes saying the most wonderous, loving things.   Maybe at that very moment she meant it.  But those feelings fade quite quickly for people with BPD.  Words in her mind didn't hold much weight.

[BacknthSaddle]

Your story resonates deeply with my own. I'm trying to focus on why those words meant so much to me, why I needed them so much, what it says about me rather than what it says about her. That kind of rapturous talk, that intense idealization, is simply not a part of healthy, functional relationships. In those relationships, senses of self are solid and words like that don't need to be spoken. That's where I'm trying to get.

[SKyDancer]

How interesting.

My BPDstbxw had an affair a few years ago. I found some of the emails and texts exchanged. They were simply beautiful. For years I held on to them, thinking I had seen how loving she could really be, if only I tried harder. I could be that person she writes so lovingly to.

For years she'd tell me it wasn't real, it was a fantasy and if I expected that then I was hoping for a fairy tale.

For years I tried harder, thinking it was me that couldn't unlock this beautiful person.

Only recently did I realize that, she was telling the truth. She didn't mean those words. Just a fantasy she was living, setting the hooks into a new target.

Sad.

[icecream]

Thank you for your replies!

Yes, maybe she ment her words on a very short term and i agree on having contribution in the fantasy bubble by pushing away the bad actions... .

I just cant understand how a pwBPD can be so cruel to someone who shows their care, its beyond my humanity.

I'm raised in a loving family, what you seed is what you get, be good and people will be good to you, care and respect are basic values through my life... how could she hurt me so badly... . i let that happen i know, just didnt saw it coming... .