separated uBPDw begging for money

[Moselle]

My separated uBPDw, has been hammering away threatening courts and divorce and mayhem for three weeks. Yet she keeps sms'ing me for money for bizarre things.

Last week was a request for R1500 ($150) per month to insure her camera equipment


Today's sms was for R4000 ($400) to buy two puppies for our children.


I'm wondering if there is a screw loose as well as BPD. Does this make any sense to someone out there?

[Mutt]

Yeah Moselle, mine did the same thing early in the separation. She was a stay at home mom, no job or income and I was flabbergasted when she left with no means. She threatened divorce for years, found R and ran off.

She got into a fender bender less than a month into the separation and approached me 3 or 4 times for 800. I said no, this is divorce and I'm not paying for the accident. I was still raw and told her to ask R to pay for it. She asked me for another 150, not sure for what, but again I refused.

I pay child support and for the kids and that's it, not a penny more. I laid the boundary of not giving or lending her money early into separation and she stopped asking. I'm not a professional, I just think it's simply not respecting someone's boundaries, she does think she was justified and that I was the problem in the r/s, didn't have an affair, and that I still had obligations as a husband. She threw a huge fit when I had closed the joint account as well.

[tucsonstrom]

averon:  My xBPDgf did the same yesterday.  She sent me an email late yesterday demanding $5000.00 and $1500.00 a month because "I kicked her and the kids out and she is living in the car at Walmart."  Ha!  What a load of crap.   She took the kids and went to her mom's house.  She is not responding to calls or emails asking for her to return the kids to a stable environment.   I immediately wrote her asking she return the children immediately for safety reasons and called the police for a welfare check at her mom's house. 

Good luck and stay strong.

[seeking balance]

Yep - mine asked for money on random things often until I finally filed for divorce.

I suggest you get legal council for you and your children's protection.

[itsnotme567]

Even after my UstbxBPDw filed for divorce she is still living in my house with her family i pay all the utility bills for the house and she still drops hints that she needs money and i still give her some when i can spare it.  I guess its to bad that i'm such a mean,rotten, nasty person that does not care about her or her family.

[marbleloser]

Never give someone you're seperated from,or divorced from,money.NEVER,without a court order!

If you give them money,opposing counsel can use that as an excuse to say that your stbx or ex has become accustomed to

receiving that money,and you can be made to continue to pay it,on top of court ordered payments.

If your kids need something,that's different,BUT... . make sure YOU buy what your kids need and take it to them,and YOU keep the receipt and make your stbx sign a receipt for it.That means medical bills,clothing,snacks,etc.,, for the KIDS only.

That way,opposing counsel can't say you weren't providing for the kids.

And don't pay cash. Buy it with something you can track.

[itsnotme567]

Good point marbleloser I hand her some cash now and then how could she prove it. I really doubt she try to get anything from me but I have started a good job since she filed for divorce of course she says I didn't want to work to help her and her family but I'm working now to help me and mine.

[marbleloser]

" I hand her some cash now and then how could she prove it"

Always assume you're being recorded. Always insure you're recording also.When dealing with ex's anyway.

If you're not court ordered to pay all the utility bills,stop doing it. You're establishing status quo of doing so, if she has any proof.

[itsnotme567]

I'll take your advice she should me moved out in about two weeks anyway and the divorce should be final about the same time. I might be different but she only asked for child support from her other husbands. We have no children or property together married about a year and a half and she paid more than half the bills till last November.

[marbleloser]

No kids will make things alot easier on you.

[itsnotme567]

Now I'm glad that none the business plans we had together never of the ground as well.

[Moselle]

Thanks Folks.

This is a bizarre experience. She has finally gone the hard route, and I'm sure she has someone on the side who's encouraging her on the money stuff.

I have three children with this bent woman, so it breaks my heart.

[ForeverDad]

I believe most courts view any moneys given outside of a court ordered payment as 'gifts'.  It will most likely NOT be credited to your benefit or to decrease your support obligations.  While you can try, such as identifying a check with the memo "child support" or something similar, but a judge could still decide it was a 'gift' anyway.

I recall when my child support was first ordered in the divorce temp orders hearing.  It was mid-month and the magistrate ordered payments start retroactive from the date of filing.  (Magistrate didn't care that ex had blocked all father-child contact for 3 months.)  So suddenly I had to pay two months of back child support.  At the end of the month, less than two weeks later, the child support enforcement agency sent me a form letter that I was in default and would be reported to credit bureaus in 30 days.  I had to borrow money to pay the full amount.  The staff said they had no control over the system not giving me time to pay.