looking at old emails I sent her I understand how I struck a nerve with this one

[itsnotme567]

Reading old emails were I usually took the blame for all the problems in the r/s I'm surprised I still don't hear About this part of one where I tried to say she might have a problem. This was months before I found out about BPD.


Please take a look at yourself you have such a vivid imagination when I hear you talk about a call or what went on during the day it's like you must have been somewhere else because I didn't see hardly any of what you saw are you imagining me being worse than I am. I know so many times you have snapped at me when I've said or done something that makes you feel like I think your an idiot. If you truly understood the way I think and say things you would know that I know intelligent and smart you are.

I see now where I struck a nerve with that comment.

[Turkish]

So you are saying you understand that you were invalidating? I did many of the same things, to which my Ex would respond "I feel like you are throwing it in my face," a favorite catch phrase of hers.

Many of us, in the depths of hurt and confusion, did similar things. Do you think it would have made a difference if you hadn't wrote that?

[willy45]

Good point. Would it have made a difference? Mine was always on me for my tone. No matter what I said. No matter how I said it. It wouldn't make a difference. She would hear what she wanted to hear. And come on. We are human. If someone is raging at you for no perceivable reason, what can you do? I tried everything. Being calm. Not reacting. Reacting. Leaving. Talking to her. Soothing her. Nothing made it stop. Ever. So don't beat yourself up. This is a mental illness. Nobody is trained for that.

[itsnotme567]

Invalidating yes I see that . I  got the throwing it back in my face As well.  I don't think anything  I said or did we would have changed the out come of the r/s only the timing of the end. This letter was the first time I let her know that maybe I was not all the problem. It was soon after this letter she no longer wanted me to go places with her. I'm wondering now after What I have learned about Bpd that she knew at some level I had seen the woman behind the curtain and I may open the curtain at anytime for her friends and family to see.