Next adventure - work release for DD27

[qcarolr]

Drove DD to her doctor appointment on Monday at her primary care clinic. She has appoinment in a couple weeks with GI specialist to follow up on Hep C. Then dropped her at work about 10am. She showed up at my office with her lunch about 1pm. When I asked when she had to be back to work, she said she had signed out early. She went downtown to see old friend.

I had a sense that she was drifting away from compliance with the work release program after Monday. She hates the phone calling job. I gave her the phone # and name of supervisor at the thrift store she applied for online last week.

She called me this morning to go with her to this interview - it is all the way across town and her bus pass expired with change to new month. I got her a May bus pass and waited in car with her new friend while she did her interview. She has to complete an online employee survey and they are calling her references and the jail supervisor. If this is done OK, then she will have the job. I dropped her and friend off at library to use free computers there. I will keep praying it works out for her. Then for her to show up!

This new friend, a guy of course, is also in the work release program. He is still in the job search phase. He lost his ID and is waiting for another to come from N.Carolina. He might get "rolled-back" into jail before it arrives. He waited with me while DD at her interview. Always an interesting thing to listen to DD's friend's story. He was very open with me - well he was using DD's phone to contact lots of people while he had the chance. Amazing what you learn when someone is searching for ID info -- he has a daughter about age 3 that he needs to send child support for (talking to the new 'daddy' in her life - his ex was still asleep); he is working to get court fees waived - talking to collections person at clerk's office - more than one case number; etc.  Then he was going on and on about how he has all the inventions and ideas to make money using crowd-funding through facebook. He showed me his little notebook filled with ideas - he does have a lot of them all laid out in fine handwriting. Quite the scamming entrepreneur! Reminds me so much of gd's daddy. I asked him what his charges were - theft and being stupid when drunk/high/stoned. Same story as most of DD's other friends. They all use the jail revolving door system of life.

For some reason I feel at peace when this goes on in my car. DD and her friends must feel safe there - I learn a lot. I am able to stay in a very non-judgemental place. And DD is in a good mood with this new 'object' in her life. [puts her in level I of Gunderson's 3 levels of emotion - discussion of object constancy. there is a thread on this somewhere]. DD is who she is, and will do what she does.

So I am choosing to live in today. Practicing being in the moment to find peace. Have been learning centering prayer. It is good. My blood pressure is even down to normal over the past 2 weeks. There is greater affection in my home with gd and dh -- another sign of my greater place of peace.

TLC - two steps forward and one step back leads to progress when viewed from a distance. I am connected to DD with a strong bond and keeping my distance as needed.

qcr

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

In case you are newbie:  TLC is Tiny Little Changes

qcr

[qcarolr]

DD starts at a new job on Tuesday - thrift store she interviewed 2 weeks ago, then her online application was lost in virtual reality. She resubmitted 4 times. They could not officially hire her until online appl. accepted by store. So much tension and within a day of getting rolled back into regular jail. I resubmitted this morning for her, and it worked. 

She is very excited to work at this store. She will be in the back sorting stuff that comes in. The store is a private thrift, but benefits a charity. Not sure how that part works. She can do this job. Now for her to show up on all her scheduled shifts. It is a 15 minute walk to nearest stop then 40 minute bus ride to the other side of town. I am praying for perseverance for her.

qcr

[Thursday]

Yay!

So great that she got this job! This can open up her world in BiG BIG ways. Thanks for the update q- we are pulling for your DD.

Thursday

[pessim-optimist]

  That sounds perfect qcr! Your dd loves thrift-stores - working in one should be a breeze!

[qcarolr]

First day of work. She likes the job, but did not get there on time. I am disappointed in myself tonight.

I drove her for her new hire orientation yesterday, and forgot to give her the direct deposit info and her birth cert. I am keeping these safe at our house for her. So she called me for these about 9am and I assumed she was at work - was scheduled to be there at 8am -  so said I would drop off on way to work though out of my way. Then she texted she was at a coffee shop on other side of town. with her new bf that I believe is not trustworthy. Soo reminds me of gd's daddy. A very charismatic con  that will never work a legit job to avoid paying child support - D age 3 living with mom in another state and the mom's SO. I am saying this gently to her. She has to choose him or being successful at her work release.

Anyway - I dropped him off then drove her to work, then drove back across town to my work. Then she called for me to get her phone from bf cause he could not get from his mental health appt (that is where I dropped him in am) before he had to be back at jail at 4pm. It is 1 hour bus ride from north end of town (mental health and jail) to south end of town (her job). So I got the phone. Then after work took her the phone and drove her back to jail sort of on my way home.

She also had letter from public defender. She wants to request hearing to shorten her sentence. She asked me to help her with this - she does need help due to her learning disability. So I read through it with her and made notes about what she needs to send with letter to lawyer and to judge. And she wants me to write reference letter. I know lawyer has avoided her calls since she does not think she will be granted hearing - she mentions this clearly in letter. I told DD I would draft this from our discussion, and then she had to read it and put into her own words for the final letter I could type.

Tonight I have discussed with dh my concerns about us providing too much transportation for DD. In the moment it feels good, seems reasonable. Thinking about it later it is not reasonable and is taking our rest time away. And we are both kind of exhausted. And it takes our time away from gd as well.

So here is my list of what i need to tell her - I have to find the courage and dh has to find the courage and we both have to support each other and be persistent in our resolve.

1. She has to be successful with her job and other requirements for appts (including asking for a weekday off and work on Sat to do other required appts. for 2 weeks before I will write reference letter to judge. Right now it would not be what she expects.

2. She has to get to work on time by bus and back to jail on time by bus. She has to let go of seeing bf to be at work.

3. She has to get to and from her weekend AA meetings on her own. We have several times given her a ride back to jail to meet her deadline. She has to find someone to ride with, or find a closer meeting. I think this is also about being with bf.

If she wants her life to be different when she is released from jail, this job is needed. Otherwise she will again be homeless, and it will be approaching winter. We cannot provide help with rent or other housing. I have to accept that she may again fail at this and will be homeless again.

I will call my own recovery sponsor tomorrow for support. I talked to her today. I still just jumped when DD said to jump.

One last thing. Bf was late back to jail - he was arriving when I dropped DD off. My trips for the phone would not have been needed anyway. This is not my responsibility so why do I take it on!

qcr

[Thursday]

Hmmmmmmm... .

so why do I take it on?

Good question for anyone who dances the rescue dance.

My DH is such a rescuer and it has been very hard for him to break this tendency. He is a generous servant, as I believe you are. Thinking of others first is such a wonderful quality. The only problem is, this doesn't help someone with limitations in their cognitive skills to see for themselves what needs to be done. It doesn't help the person with limitations to grow into who they might become.

Maybe Q, instead of asking yourself afterwards,

"Why did I do that?" you can begin to ask yourself, (before you take something on)

"If I don't do this, will she learn a new way to cope."

I may have this wrong but please consider what I am saying here... .

I read that your DD was an hour late for her first day of work because she chose to spend her morning with her new BF.

In your list of things to "tell her" this issue is labeled #2. I am wondering if you can instead of "telling her" you will instead ASK HER about her perceived eventualities in this situation. What happens when you are late to work? What happens if you don't keep the job? What happens when you do a good job and are on time to work? Even if she has no experience with these scenarios I am betting she can figure out for herself what the eventualities might be.

In the case of her loaning the bf her phone with expectations that things will work out for him to give it back and then, when it looks like things won't work out for her to get the phone back she called you to save her from her choices. Seems to me that she doesn't need to be lending her phone if it is of such importance that not having it back means "you need to do this for her." And the best way for her to learn not to lend her phone is for you to say NO to the rescue. The only way for her to learn that she needs to think first and loan later is to understand it is her own pickle to get out of.

The thought,

"I am on my own here... . "

is less likely to occur the more you rush in for the save. Sure, it feels great to be a person of service but in these moments, the ground you are losing is such important ground.

I have not been the rescuer/enabler in our family. Instead, I've been looking from a position once removed from my SD. It took me years of questioning my husband and outsiders looking in and independently noticing the dynamics of SD and my DH before he could see what it was he was doing. Like you, he really felt so much better when he helped. Problem was, it wasn't helping AT ALL. All it ever did was keep SD stuck in the pattern.

Example (this is small but important)

When I first got involved with DH, he was opening soda cans for my SD, you know, flipping the can tab. SD is not handicapped in any way. My guess is that he started doing this for her when she was too small to be able to do so. The first time I was alone with her she brought me a soda to open for her. I told her I wasn't going to do it for her, that she could do it for herself. She opened it. No big deal. However, the next time we were all together again and she had a soda, she gave it to him to open and he did so. I asked her out loud if she had forgotten that she could open her own can and she said something about liking her Dad to open the can for her... . and he commented that he didn't mind. Both of them, stuck for no good reason.

DH is always trying to help me. After almost eight years together he still cannot see that I usually don't accept his help. When I point out to him that he is trying to "fix" a problem I am merely speaking of, he is typically surprised to see this is what he is doing. That is the place where I have made inroads with him. He knows I am capable of choosing if I need his help whereas his daughter is not capable of choosing independence over self-initiation. And since he knows full well that she needs to self-initiate, he can more clearly see that his desire to be of service is crippling to her.

Is there a way you can find a way to stop helping her even when it is convenient for you to do so? Is there anything you can tell yourself to remind you that when you rescue you short circuit her need to figure out how to help herself. Save the rescues for when they are needed... .

You are wearing yourself out honey! The world needs a Q with energy to spare not THIS

we are both kind of exhausted. And it takes our time away from gd as well

Okie dokie- off my soap box!

Glad to hear you are working with your sponsor. Good job! It works if you work it! True true true.

Thursday

[qcarolr]

Thursday - I really like your 'soap box' replies.

A couple things are more clear to me. Dh and I were talking about this yesterday.

We both tend to react instead of respond or answer with a maybe that turns into a yes when we really want to say no. Need to reply, let me think about this a minute, before replying. The try to reply with some questions about the impact of her doing this and us doing this.

I also get stuck in accepting that she is an adult, she is resourceful and has survived on the street without my help. When I have not been available she has figured out an alternative. So many old patterns of when she was young and really did need me to do things for her. I love your pop-tab story.

Realizing that so often being of service is about my needs to feel OK, not what the other person is able to do or not do. When I am getting my emotional needs met in other areas of my life this can empower me to be aware of who my desires to serve are benefiting the most.

I have an opportunity to practice this on my desk. DD gave me the letter and forms from her lawyer to request a hearing to redetermine her sentence. DD's belief is that her sentence is a lot more harsh than others with 'bigger' crimes that appear to have shorter sentences.

She does struggle to get her words out in a way that clearly says what she intends. There is a real learning disability involved with this, and I have seen it happen over and over standing behind her as she asks for help in so many situations. She often gets the wrong info back, a blank look back, or is told to wait and nothing happens. I end up talking to the person and getting what she needs right away. There are times when she needs some advocacy.

Part of my problem then is discerning when she does need me there for her. And I get this confused with my point above - where it just feels good to help her and I easily use this 'disability' argument in rationalizing my helping response.

So I brought home these papers from the lawyer. I can pull together some documents that are in her stuff at our house. I can help her write out what she wants to say - it has to be her story SHE is telling.

The last part is a letter of reference from me about why this hearing would be valuable. I can write a letter, and it will most likely be on the side of not allowing the hearing. I think this sentence could have been a lot worse. I see the work release working for her. One of the questions she has to address is what her plans are when she gets released. She does not how this will work out. She does not have resources for housing - no one that I have talked to has resources available to her for housing - I do not know what is available in the system. And she needs supportive housing - she totally failed at living independently.

She needs more time to get into a weekly routine of treatment at the mental health center - this is a requirement of her sentence and has been since the fall of 2012 under her DUI conviction. She has failed to comply with this EVER. My perspective - she is terrified of bringing up her emotional traumas that she would not be supported and could not survive. She has been failing at this her whole life. She is expected to be in weekly therapy and has her first appointment at mental health (that I know of) in two weeks.

She needs to be in this program as long as possible. That is what I believe. How do I tell her this? My need is to stay connected with her. I have enjoyed my time on the 'good' side. I fear that if I am honest with her this will push her into a greater desire for non-compliance when she is being open to success. Yet, I have to be direct with her in what I am willing and not willing to do. So far, I have been in that vague 'maybe' place that she interprets as 'yes, I agree'.

Our time to talk is very limited and I do not want to trigger her as she is on her way to an appointment or to work, etc. I really want to just step back and let others interact with her on this tough stuff. Now I have to be honest and direct with her and willing to accept her rejection of me as a 'good mom'. See, I have lots of needs that are unmet. I have trouble letting others in my support network see this side of me as it feels very dark and unstable. It is starting to leak out though.

I could go on and on. I just need to do what I know needs to be done. Find that balance between validation and boundaries in this. Honesty means the boundary has to come first.

qcr

[Thursday]

qcarolr-

she is terrified of bringing up her emotional traumas that she would not be supported and could not survive

I understand this completely. The poor sense of self... . the feeling that to be faced with her emotional traumas will dissolve all that is left of her sense of self. I think my SD feels like she is "supposed" to be more invincible than she is (instead of understanding that most people have real challenges and hardships in their lives) and she also seems to have the belief that she is capable of being "ok" if she can stay distracted and/or convince everyone that she is invincible.

These days she is handling more and more on her own without the dysregulation... . or at least she demonstrates a faster recovery time.  .

SD was compliant with therapy until she turned 18 AND until we insisted that she pay the 20.00 copay for herself. She hated therapy when she was at her worst but got more out of it for her last year participating. She enjoyed having her therapists ear for their 45 minute sessions. I hope your DD will find out that therapeutic work isn't all just the uncomfortable feelings part- especially when it is CBT or DBT based there is such a focus on " techniques for how to cope" than on "man, I'm screwed up.". Following a therapist's suggestions  can help her build some self-reliance, the therapist can be an extra person for her to check in with. Is it possible to convince her that this at least "might" be a possibility?

I think my SD considers her last therapist or two to be her "friends". Will your DD listen to any talk of the benefits she might experience? Maybe you can allay her fears a bit... . I mean she doesn't HAVE to participate in the hard emotional parts (of course, that is something she needs to do but maybe the therapist will know exactly when she is ready to begin some changing)

It's that talk again, about being brave.

She does struggle to get her words out in a way that clearly says what she intends. There is a real learning disability involved with this, and I have seen it happen over and over standing behind her as she asks for help in so many situations. She often gets the wrong info back, a blank look back, or is told to wait and nothing happens. I end up talking to the person and getting what she needs right away. There are times when she needs some advocacy.

I DO understand why you step in for her when it is about her court dates and filling out paperwork etc, getting her pointed in the right direction, because of her cognitive difficulties. You are her Mom and this is something you can do to help her, something she can't do for herself with the same level of competency as you.

Back to terror over facing issues-  SD recently revealed that she no longer really remembers her late Mom. I have seen her work so hard to keep from "being sad" over the loss of her mother that she quit talking about her, thinking about her. My husband didn't keep her Mom alive for her either. I mean, here I am, living with this woman's child and husband and I have never had a sense, really, of who she was. I talk about my late husband ALL THE TIME, my daughter and I tell stories about him and laugh and enjoy having known him. I used to try so hard to get SD and her Dad to talk about SD's Mom and now, at 23, SD has lost her... . like completely. That isn't a fair trade to keep from feeling bad in the moment.

That really pisses me off.

So, I really wonder about this aspect of their mental illness, this lack of object constancy and their extreme fear that feeling their feelings will cause an even greater loss of self. BLEEP-backwards, if you ask me. I feel my personal power has come about by having lived a hard, complicated, not-easy life and handling the challenges while at the same time being human, flaws and grief and down moments and all. I am proud of me. How can our BPD loved ones ever get to this point if they are so afraid of feeling that they miss out on grabbing for anything.

One great thing about AA has been that SD sees that there is great benefit to staying sober. Without sobriety, she would not have this place where she belongs and is admired... . you keep your sobriety in AA and you will have admirers. Strokes for something real is the exact thing they need. Strokes from people who are supposed to stroke her (her family and the friends she could manipulate) really don't count with her. She hasn't been forthright with doing the 12 steps. I think she will at some point. I don't think my Sd will ever be a deep thinker but she is developing an unexpected and REAL depth of character- hope it's not just my imagination because it feels like a miracle when I see this in her.

You haven't mentioned how you perceive your DD is doing with sobriety. Are you seeing differences in her approach to life?

Oh shoot- I was editing before posting and lost several paragraphs and I'm out of time. I will add more later.

Thursday

[pessim-optimist]

hi qcr, 

I like Thursday's ideas, especially the ones about asking her open-ended questions for DD to think through what consequences lie behind each decision... .

I understand your fears of saying NO triggering DD's non-compliance... . At the same time, it's another way how FOG (in this instance the fear part) is keeping you hostage and keeping the two of you enmeshed... .

How about practicing with your support system, dh, or with us here some scenarios of DD requesting things and you saying NO in a different way - starting a conversation and sort of re-framing the situation for her, saying something positive and encouraging?

Like:

"Ok, that would be one way to get there, what are some other ways to do this?"

or "I will let you know as soon as I can." and then "How can you get there on your own? You are a resourceful girl, you can do this." or, "You are a strong person, I believe in you"... .

[qcarolr]

Thursday,

DD is actually the most emotionally stable that I have EVER experienced her. She is staying sober to stay in the work release program. Her mess up's have been being 'out of area' during the day, or 'in contact' with other work release inmates. I have a nephew that struggled with legal system as a younger adult. He is in early 30's now. He finally got it that he had to follow the rules even if he truly believed they were wrong and should not apply to him. Hope DD gets this wisdom someday. She has not been attending AA - only showing up last 15 minutes to get voucher so can be in compliance with the evening time out on weekend. This is another area to as those open-ended questions.

I think her be clean/sober is a key to her current successes, and being on her psych meds for depression/anxiety and insomnia. She is also wanting to take care of her immune system due to the Hep C dx. Alcohol and liver disease is a real issue. She may be more motivated to take better care of herself - and this too is supported by no drug use and on psych meds.

She was asking for me to contact her ex that is in prison for assaulting her in 2012 - there is still no-contact order. I said it is not worth the risks to violate this. My assumption is that her new bf is not so wonderful today in some way and she is lonely. I am not going to make any contacts for her.

We did not talk today, only a couple brief texts. About exbf, and she asked what her appts. are next few weeks to let her employer know. I have helped get them all on Tuesdays - same day each week is easier to remember and maybe easier for her work schedule. This is also an open day for me to be there for her appts. It will be messier when school is out and I have to get gd to early day camp. Need to check on that.

I think the lack of object constancy is a huge issue for our kids -- HUGE. Almost like be an infant with mommy disappearing when she is out of the room. This happens with bf's too. Like there is only 'trust' when the SO is in physical proximity. Hard to build a deeper r/s with this basic lack of trust. Also think this really makes connecting with a sponsor or counselor a much more difficult process. Takes longer and requires lots of training, support for the T, and perseverance. I have read a lot about this - though my memory only hold little snapshots most of the time. Looking back at my written notes helps sometimes. And the information actually permeates my basic thinking and beliefs in a more general way.

I called my recovery sponsor today to help me with how to talk to DD. We are meeting for coffee Monday morning before I go to work. This is only our second meeting - this is so hard for me. The group is a recovery group at my church, based on 12-steps, but open to everyone. Kind of like a morphing of AA and Al Anon together with a prayer/faith support system built in. I have a conflict with gd right now to go to the group. So thankful for the friend.

Pessio - I will ponder doing some role-playing here if I have time over the weekend. I see DD on Tuesday for her 7:30 am probation appt. I drive her as it would take too long on the bus to the appt. and then to work. This is one thing I can do for her.

Gd is probably asleep on the sofa. Need to walk her up to bed. She is doing well at school. Still some issues at home and we are working these in therapy. T said she hits at me when I bring up things that make her feel bad about herself. Like when she nearly drowned in the farmers ditch behind our house a couple weeks ago - my fearful response was likely not what she needed at the time. I hate that ditch - was a problem with DD when she was gd's age. DD knew how to swim. Gd refuses to take lessons or go swimming and I have not been consistent with taking her to pool to overcome this.

Thanks for you support. Enough for tonight.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

Update:

Gave DD ride from work today. She thought her first paycheck was being mailed to our house and she got her bi-weekly bill today from the jail for rent. ($17 per day). Paycheck did not come so we advanced her the rent money so they do not add 20 days to her sentence in work release. She needed to login online to set up direct deposit and has no access in jail.

silent frustration: why did she not tell me this need earlier? did she not know until asking about her paycheck today?  Breathe - that is most likely.

So I logged in later this evening and she had jail address on her employee record. I got that fixed to our address and setup the direct deposit. Still hopeful this job lasts. She commented that they are unhappy that the bus delivers her a bit late every day even though she calls. Not sure what she means by 'a bit'.

They told her she comes up for 'daily checkin' next month. To get released for this alternative sentence option she has to have an apartment. I am not sure she can manage this, but only will know when she tries it. She has to stop daily at half-way house and continue working. She has to help with rent if we assist her in getting an apartment.

She was attached to new bf that I had little trust in. He got rolled back into regular jail. I am relieved. I told DD I was not surprised - he is mostly looking out for himself. She did not see him much when she started working. Now she is getting lots of attention from other guys in program that ride bus with her when she goes to work. Such an open space in her 'self' that she keeps looking to fill with a guy. I can hope and pray for someone more stable to connect with her - not so sure this will happen with all these guys who 'have felonies'. They cannot be a roommate with her under alternative sentencing.

Will check with one apartment building that does not do background check to see if any openings at end of June or early July. Dh wants to help her. We will see how this job goes in the next few weeks.

We came by the house so DD could see her doggie and we had pizza. Gd would not come in at first - she was playing next door. Then she popped in briefly, said hi, then was out again. She ate later. We only had 45 minutes at the house before DD jail checkin time. Gd still really angry with her mom. Working on this in therapy.

Got letter from A, gd's daddy. He is in prison in AZ for over 4 years on assault charge. Stupid when drunk as always. Went to AZ from CA when he timed out of their system on 3 year sentence for assault in 2007. 3 years turned into 5 when he never checked in  on releases over and over for probation. Gd is really angry at him too, understandably. Will mention this to her T next week on our phone meeting.

So overall a good day for DD. Good visit. Lots of details she has need for my help on.

My personal state. Feeling overwhelmed a bit. Kind of depressed. Dh and I worked our project rearraning rooms in our house. DD's old room is transforming into his workshop space. The family room got transformed today into   a very peaceful space with wii and TV and spaces to store some of gd's toys, games and her craft supplies. We are gradually getting gd's stuff out of my home office space. I am going to put up my painting stuff in there eventually. I need to paint. Haven't done this since 1999 - my muse went to sleep with effective meds for my bipolarII. Well, and maybe DD hits adolescence about then too (age 14 in 1999 - high school!)

I have built some trust with my T and find some of the darker stuff coming to the surface. It is kind of scary. I am still seeing her weekly. This stage of my process may be contributing to my depression. I am also going to see a new pdoc - hope she will provide some med support instead of just saying "get the stress out of your life and you will be fine"!

Gd is doing great. Her state testing for 3rd grade reading - PROFICIENT She has assessed at 14 levels above the beginning of the school year which puts her at her grade level. Her confidence is building. She loves multiplication too. We are hoping to set up some routines for 'summer school' in our home to keep these skills going for 4th grade. We do not pressure her about homework. She seems to be finding a time to get it done at school. Hope this is true. Only one week left.

She also has a new friend across the street. A really nice family. The older brother is going to mow our lawn this summer - dh hurt his rotator cuff and also cut his hand at work - same side. The hand is healing. The shoulder needs to get a doc to examine. He is ready to do this. Hurt it moving furniture at home about 3 weeks ago. The mom there is willing to take gd early when I need to help DD with 7:30 am appts one day a week. [The bus would make DD 2 hours late for work. If I drive she is only 30 -45 minutes late. This is such a relief for me.]

So things are going well. Makes my down mood even more puzzling at times. Bickering a lot with dh over little things too. Hope this gets better soon.

qcr

[pessim-optimist]

They told her she comes up for 'daily checkin' next month. To get released for this alternative sentence option she has to have an apartment. I am not sure she can manage this, but only will know when she tries it. She has to stop daily at half-way house and continue working. She has to help with rent if we assist her in getting an apartment.

I wonder if this is the jail's way of trying to help them transition out of jail and be successful on the outside, rather than spitting them back out onto a street at the end of the sentence.

If this is goes well, it could be your way of helping dd and her way to succeed - as long as she can hold a job, and pay part of her rent, you could help her with a bit of it. Would that be a workable compromise that you could do and feel good about? (I wonder if your dd would be able to do that, but at the same time, it could be a goal to work toward, a kind of a plan IF she wants to have a roof over her head and is willing to work hard for it)... . What do you think?

So happy for your gd! She is blossoming right in front of your eyes!

I have built some trust with my T and find some of the darker stuff coming to the surface. It is kind of scary. I am still seeing her weekly. This stage of my process may be contributing to my depression. I am also going to see a new pdoc - hope she will provide some med support instead of just saying "get the stress out of your life and you will be fine"!

That could be... . Hoping for the best!