Can't believe I'm here

[Parents! Get help here!]

I am the mom of an 18 year old son who made a serious suicide attempt 2 weeks ago. however, we have been on this journey since he was in 9 th grade. Along the way we have visited depression, anxiety disorder, bipolar-NOS, anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, and AAP's. we have gone through 3 inpatient stays.  We have been to weekly therapy and monthly psychiatrist appointments. In short, we thought we were leaving no stone unturned in helping a hard to diagnose and hard to treat kid find wellness.

My son pretended to leave for school and instead walked into the woods near our home with full bottles of seroquel and klonopin. He wasn't found until 10 PM that night.  It is nothing short of a miracle he is alive today. He was on a ventilator with a body temp of 86 degrees, nonresponsive even to pain. I planned his funeral with our minister. And then he turned a corner.

The positive that I have decided to focus on is that perhaps we have a clearer understanding of a kid who doesn't neatly fit any diagnostic label. He has been trying so hard to pretend he was doing ok, when clearly he wasn't. BPD is now a potential new diagnosis, although once again he hits the mark in some regards and is way off the mark in others. He says he feels emptiness and nothingness. He thinks about people in very black and white ways ( my social group, not my social group, no in betweens). His perceptions of himself are very negative, despite the fact that he is very bright and very compassionate towards others. He is tormented by suicidal thoughts but has not otherwise self- harmed. He does not engage in reckless behavior. He does not show anger toward anyone. He experiences a lot of anxiety and is overwhelmed by large tasks (I.e. schoolwork). He has a close circle of friends he has known since elementary school, but they are a quirky group who all march to a slightly different drummer. These are not life long challenges, and in fact until late middle school he was a happy, well-adjusted, and confident kid.

I am here seeking information and advice. I did the same thing when bipolar seemed a correct diagnosis and ive been active in an online support group for parents of bipolar teens. We are looking at several long term and intensive treatment options, but the process sure does seem to move like a snail. He is very resistant and wants to pretend life is back to normal. Not sure if he will return to school.  I have taken FMLA from my teaching job. I am really overwhelmed, but I'm trying to be a rock for my son and my family.

[Whitlo]

I am the mom of an 18 year old son who made a serious suicide attempt 2 weeks ago. however, we have been on this journey since he was in 9 th grade. Along the way we have visited depression, anxiety disorder, bipolar-NOS, anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, and AAP's. we have gone through 3 inpatient stays.  We have been to weekly therapy and monthly psychiatrist appointments. In short, we thought we were leaving no stone unturned in helping a hard to diagnose and hard to treat kid find wellness.

My son pretended to leave for school and instead walked into the woods near our home with full bottles of seroquel and klonopin. He wasn't found until 10 PM that night.  It is nothing short of a miracle he is alive today. He was on a ventilator with a body temp of 86 degrees, nonresponsive even to pain. I planned his funeral with our minister. And then he turned a corner.

The positive that I have decided to focus on is that perhaps we have a clearer understanding of a kid who doesn't neatly fit any diagnostic label. He has been trying so hard to pretend he was doing ok, when clearly he wasn't. BPD is now a potential new diagnosis, although once again he hits the mark in some regards and is way off the mark in others. He says he feels emptiness and nothingness. He thinks about people in very black and white ways ( my social group, not my social group, no in betweens). His perceptions of himself are very negative, despite the fact that he is very bright and very compassionate towards others. He is tormented by suicidal thoughts but has not otherwise self- harmed. He does not engage in reckless behavior. He does not show anger toward anyone. He experiences a lot of anxiety and is overwhelmed by large tasks (I.e. schoolwork). He has a close circle of friends he has known since elementary school, but they are a quirky group who all march to a slightly different drummer. These are not life long challenges, and in fact until late middle school he was a happy, well-adjusted, and confident kid.

I am here seeking information and advice. I did the same thing when bipolar seemed a correct diagnosis and ive been active in an online support group for parents of bipolar teens. We are looking at several long term and intensive treatment options, but the process sure does seem to move like a snail. He is very resistant and wants to pretend life is back to normal. Not sure if he will return to school.  I have taken FMLA from my teaching job. I am really overwhelmed, but I'm trying to be a rock for my son and my family.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[maxsterling]

Hi Whitlo - 

Wow, my heart goes out to you for what you have been through.  I'm glad to hear your son pulled through and is now resuming treatment.  Dealing with that kind of stress is certainly exhausting, and I can guess you are desperately looking for an answer that will ultimately turn things in a positive direction.  Looking at BPD as a possible reason for his behavior is definitely positive - was it a psychologist who has turned you in this direction?

Unfortunately, nobody her can diagnose your son.  But, his behavior definitely sounds similar to many stories on this website.  BPD or not, there are tools and information here that can help you.  Did you know it is possible to have BPD and Bipolar disorder?  My girlfriend has been diagnosed with both.  There is an interesting thread regarding this subject: What is the relationship between BPD and bipolar disorder?

This website is loaded with useful information that can definitely seem overwhelming.  What kind of things are you doing to help you maintain your sanity?  Do you see a therapist for yourself?  Are there any things you have tried with your son that have had a positive impact?

I encourage you to stick around and ask plenty of questions.  I am certain you are in the right place

[jellibeans]

Dear whitlo

I just want to reach through this computer and give you a hug... . this truly must be very hard on all of you. I think you are right to try and focus on the positive... . that being your son survived and is alive!

I want to welcome you here and let you know we understand what you are going through... . it is not easy coming up with the DX of BPD and P are very resistant to DXing. When a child suffers from BPD, not only is the child unhappy and unhealthy, but often, so is everyone who loves them. This mental illness can severely affect everyone, creating drama and heartbreak, while also piling on the guilt and anxiety. The good news is that there are answers to these problems, and we are here to offer you the support and encouragement to help you find them. You'll see that there are things that can be done to stop making things worse and begin to make them better. A great place to start is with this set of resources: What can a parent do? We look forward to seeing you on the Parenting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD board and hope you join us in learning how to understand and communicate with our children better.

What are you doing right now for your son? Are you thinking of a therputic boarding school? or Residential Treatment center? do you know of a trigger for his recent attempt? Is he back at school? or doing home school?

I want to encourage you to read the article here... . they are very helpful. Also if you could get the book Overcoming BPD by Valerie Porr... . I really found that book to be the best. I want to also encourage you to post on the parent board... . that is where I hang out and there are many parents there that will give you more information. Above all I want you to take care of yourself... . don't sacrifice your health... . take time you need and see a therapist if you need too... I am sorry for your struggles but want you to know we understand and are here for you

[peaceplease]

Whitlo,   

  I would like to join maxsterling and jellibeans in welcoming you here.  I am so sorry about your son's near suicide.  What a relief that he survived!  I am so glad that you had a miracle and are here now.

When you are ready, please join us on the parents board.  I look forward to reading your future posts.

peaceplease

[pamik27]

Hi Whitlo,

I also want to reach out. I have a 15yo daugther... . your son's profile up through that age sounds a lot like my daughter's. She was always difficult, always moody, always a child who as a parent you sort of had to brace yourself around. But I thought we were doing okay. Until high school. Freshman year she had a full breakdown, with hospitalization. At the time, I went into "crisis mom" mode and did everything under the sun to help her, and "get to the bottom" of what was going on. She got much better, but still had a lot of issues. Now, we're sinking again... . and I am worried there is no "bottom."

From what I read on BPD, it fits her. Yes, she's depressed. Yes, she's anxious. But that didn't explain all of her... . BPD does. But you know that's not a great comfort... . she just started DBT and hopefully that will help. It's not encouraging reading all these stories on the board of parents of kids in the 20s and 30s who still struggle. But as moms we have to keep trying.

That's really all I wanted to say ... . it helps to know there are others out there.

[jellibeans]

Whitlo

Any update on your situation? Just checking in with you to see how things are going... .