I thought it might help to release some good thoughtful emotion. With all the anger, pain, suffering, daily triggers, flashbacks, mourning sickness, sadness, confusion, bitterness, feelings of retribution, shame, naiveté, stupidity, false hope, idealism, etc. that I experienced during the r/s, and that I still experience now (thankfully a lot less) I thought I'd just release a few nuggets I've been holding on to.
To my fellow Brothers and Sisters in grief and healing feel free to join in:
Dear ex-Whackjob (one of your favorite expressions):
I spent our entire r/s encouraging you to stop calling yourself "crazy" because I felt it took away your responsibility for being accountable for destructive behavior, however now I feel very safe in calling you a four alarm NUT. Cray-cray. Bonkers. Able sugar. 51-50. Beam me up, Scottie. But seriously on any given day you were nuttier than squirrel s&*t…
There were times when I wanted to (but never did) sock you right in the kissers and I wouldn't have felt guilty at... .
all.
Your crazy-making behavior drove…me… absolutely CRAZY! I honestly don't know how I managed to keep it together -- or look like I was -- for as long as I did. You could make Hannibal Lector weep.
You left your toothbrush at my house, I'm going to use it to brush my dog's teeth from now on. On second thought, this is cruel to my dog…
You also left some undies, a nightie and some other personal items. I need to check if I still have the number of that Voodoo doll maker in my rolodex... .
Your three little dogs are OUT OF CONTROL! Would it kill you to discipline them? And throwing food on the bare floor and feeding them hot dogs doesn't count! And stop calling them "dumb stupid dogs". They're actually the smart ones because they get to keep peeing and pooping on your floor.
You're stinking rich! Why is everything at your house falling apart? And two young kids and no First-Aid kit in the house, or even a Band-Aid? It's like 10 bucks at CVS.
Aren't 100 pairs of designer jeans enough?
Not every single new person you meet can be your BFF! And you're 45, we don't have BFF's! Grow up!
And no, it's not okay for your ex-partying-drinking-buddy-BFF-blackout-drunk-neighbor to come banging on the door of your house at 11 o'clock at night! This is not normal behavior.
I am not, never was or ever will be attracted to any of your ridiculous, bird-brained friends so please stop saying I am. Seriously, do any of them read books?
Conveniently forgetting something you just said last week or 6 months ago does not make it so.
Stop projecting! It's not about them, it's about YOU!
Does everyone in your neighborhood need to see ALL of your boobs? Think about the children!
Wearing the entire bottle of perfume is not sexy…
The word is "SUS-tain" not "SUBS-stain"! For f&*k's sake this drove me cray-cray.
A TV show is a TV show, not a MOVIE. The words are not interchangeable!
Your dad the ex-Ob/GYN is a true sociopath and I feel sorry for him. Truly, the world will be a much better place once he is gone.
Your 69 year-old mom smokes more weed than both Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg combined. And no we don't need to see her boobs either.
Stop saying other people keep bothering you when you keep telling them all your business!
Got boundaries?
Stop sleeping in bed with your son, he's 10!
Your son should not be stroking your hair like he's your lover -- he's 10!
And stop screaming at him for ordering things on Amazon when you keep giving him your credit card number. (He's 10!)
Parenting is not "optional"! And stop buying your kids' affection, they just want you to be
present.
No, everyone is not saying "bad things" about you all the time, they're not even talking about you!
And stop trying to read my face! Every inadvertent quiver of my lip or twitch of my eyeball does not mean I think you're the devil.
Your sister is the devil. That girl eats pwBPD's and Codependents like Cheerios.
And stop with the hair twirling already! You're a grown woman with a working brain of your own, not one of Hef's bunnies!
Do you even know what a "friend" is? Hint: they don't exist just to fill your needs.
And no, I wasn't always "secretly in love with you before our r/s started", I thought you were an angry, unstable nut (see #1). I really didn't
like you and yes I'm actively trying to figure that one out.
And yes, I absolutely fell in love with you (or maybe it was my self or false self or fantasy self or Google self or something -- thanks a lot 2010) and would have fought for the r/s for the long haul until I realized we were actually filming an episode of the Twilight Zone with me in the role of the poor sucker who sees the monster on the wing of the plane. And we all know how that ended.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dar2HKImK-0Sweet Thing, I am now officially retired as your mirror, your lover, your therapist and your angry, persecuting parent, too. So go on, grasshopper. You are now free.
