I found a great tool...

[roses65]

Hi

I found a great tool that was told to me by my mom's Dr.

I asked him how I could respond to my mom when she is pushing my buttons. The Dr said to respond with "I am sorry you feel  that way" I could not believe how that worked as my mom did not know what to say. And I just kept saying it when she has time to think of something else.

[DreamGirl]

Hi

I found a great tool that was told to me by my mom's Dr.

I asked him how I could respond to my mom when she is pushing my buttons. The Dr said to respond with "I am sorry you feel  that way" I could not believe how that worked as my mom did not know what to say. And I just kept saying it when she has time to think of something else.

My therapist suggested something pretty similar for me!

I think that's where I've found that most of us are pretty defensive... . when we have to defend how we feel. It's can also be pretty easy to invalidate a pwBPD when it comes to their emotions. So I think this kind of statement says "you have a right to feel however you feel" and allows us not to have to try to change it.  

Glad it worked for you.  

[an0ught]

Hi Rose65,

Hi

I found a great tool that was told to me by my mom's Dr.

I asked him how I could respond to my mom when she is pushing my buttons. The Dr said to respond with "I am sorry you feel  that way" I could not believe how that worked as my mom did not know what to say. And I just kept saying it when she has time to think of something else.

good find. Doctors should be expert in that kind of talk and I don't mean this without respect. The example the doctor gave you is just one of many ways to give a validating response. PwBPD are highly sensitive to invalidation (see my link) and crave validation. You will find the following two workshops giving you more ideas on how to expand this core skill for handling difficult situations with pwBPD:

 Validation: https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation

 Avoiding invalidation: https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating