Clear your mind

[Confused?]

I know it hurts. I'm hurting. A whole relationship of a year and a half of trying my hardest to help someone that doesn't want to be helped. I always felt she was special. Like she was different. Looking back I can't believe how stupid I was. The lying, the manipulating, the attention seeking, the constant I love yous and I would never leave yous all meant nothing.

Once split black for three weeks and constant needing for closure from me and contact with her. Finally she shows up like nothing happend. Said I wanted proof of what she was doing during that time. Expecting the whole time she was cheating. All she did was say lie after lie about where she was who she was with. I told her I can't get back together with her unless I have proof of what she was doing. She can't give me any. She's friends with my friends and even lives with two of them. She was barely home, doesn't have a car and no one ever knew where she was.

Still in contact with her with no thought of getting back together with her. It's pretty sad that someone could actually be this way.

In the end you have to realize that some people just don't want to be helped. Instead of trying to beat the disease she actually escalated it and became a master of all that is fake. So now to ask yourself why are you even upset that this has happend? You did your best and you should be proud of yourself. Someone out there deserves you.

I think the reason we feel so bad is because we feel like we failed. But that can't be the case. You know the effort you put in and it wasn't even acknowledged. So just sit back and laugh because the next person is in for a ride to hell. Now is the time to do what you have been missing your whole relationship. It's time to do for yourself.

[Waifed]

Good post. My situation was very similar at the end. Most will not get help. Many of them do not live with very good relationship morals due to their overwhelming fears and insecurity. Even so, it should not be acceptable and anyone with self respect should move on from these type of people. This is unfortunately easier said than done and that is why pwBPD traits can get through life doing the things they so.

Once you get to a point where you realize and accept that you are a better person than they are and they were just fortunate enough to have you as long as they did, you will have a much easier time detaching. I no longer worry if she is ruining her life or hope that whoever she is with is taking good care of her.  My life is defined by my actions, not whether or not she wants me or thinks about me. She is becoming indifferent in my world and that is finally where I want her to be. Radical acceptance of what the relationship was or was not is the only ticket to freedom. It takes time for your mind to get their but we can all achieve freedom if we truly want it.

[just_confused]

I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds a lot like what I've been through. Right down to the length of the relationship and length of break up. I am just trying to be happy it is over. No more roller coaster, no more manipulation. There are better days to be had. Right now all I can do is pray. For healing and to move on. Are you seeing a therapist? I am finding that really helpful. Try and hang in there. You will be in my prayers, also. Remember, you can't help someone who doesn't think they have an issue or doesn't want help themselves. Try to stick with no contact. It will help with the grieving and keep you off the emotionally exhausting rollercoaster.

Good luck... .

[Confused?]

No therapist yet. I don't think it's been long enough for that yet. Even in a normal relationship I feel like I would be feeling the same right now. I have been talking to family basically just venting. I gave up a lot for her but its time to start getting it back. It almost feels as if I didn't think that great about myself while I was in the relationship to begin with so i feel like a shell now that it's over. Before the relationship I felt great. I worked out and never felt down at all. Then I just slowly started to lose everything I once had for myself. Now it's about getting that feeling back. The weather is starting to get nice so I can enjoy my outdoor activities again. I realize this will be a long process but anyone can make it shorter with self evaluation and the right mindset. I have already found my own closure by just reading these boards. This is a great place and I will stay on here to help those in need.