Fences make good neighbours

[an0ught]

Fences make good neighbors. Boundaries help to reduce conflict by a lot. Unfortunately we are not putting up fences in an empty backyard but we have the whole city block camping on our ground partying when we embark on the boundary project. We can't hope to clear the area without a fight. We have however to remember that we still will be neighbors, have to live together so we can't use too much force. Calling the police may be an option in extreme cases but involving a third party will have a serious long term impact on everyone. When doing it alone however we have to deal with the pesky detail of feeling outnumbered.

What are our options?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mono No Aware]

Trick question.

It's not a whole city of independent people, it's a city of emotions of one person (our pwBPD) encroaching on us (the nons).

Confronting the city of emotions is like yelling at a crowd, more trouble will ensue instead of resolution.

Better to go to the source. What brought the crowd there? What triggered all these un-regulated emotions?

I would launch dialog asking for my pwBPD to examine her emotional state, get her aware and open about her anger/encroaching, and then remind her to not make decisions in that state. With a little luck - and maybe weathering an extinction burst - I can see the dysregulation pass.

And then I strike - once the crowd of emotions disperses I swoop in with my fencing material and put up a Boundary. A politely worded and practical request, or a serious and positive-sounding statement of reality-based consequences of future out-of-order behavior. Maybe both.

[formflier]

Interesting... . I have yet to "word" my boundary's.  I just do them... . I know at some point I'm going to have to get practiced at how to word the boundary without "provoking". 

I'm guessing saying it in a monotone... . or somehow acknowledging her emotions will be important.

Trick question.

It's not a whole city of independent people, it's a city of emotions of one person (our pwBPD) encroaching on us (the nons).

Confronting the city of emotions is like yelling at a crowd, more trouble will ensue instead of resolution.

Better to go to the source. What brought the crowd there? What triggered all these un-regulated emotions?

I would launch dialog asking for my pwBPD to examine her emotional state, get her aware and open about her anger/encroaching, and then remind her to not make decisions in that state. With a little luck - and maybe weathering an extinction burst - I can see the dysregulation pass.

And then I strike - once the crowd of emotions disperses I swoop in with my fencing material and put up a Boundary. A politely worded and practical request, or a serious and positive-sounding statement of reality-based consequences of future out-of-order behavior. Maybe both.