Compassion

[StillAlive]

What is compassion?

How do you recognize compassion?

Are those with BPD capable of compassion?

Hello, as I'm slowly moving forward with my life I've come to learn a few things about myself. I have learned the importance of associating with those who are capable of honest respect and compassion. After my relationship with a BPD spouse, I have never felt so unsure of myself in recognizing sincere compassion as I do today. She initially seemed like such a sweet and caring person. One of the reasons I even entered a relationship with her was because of her overall demeanor. She wanted to be a child psychologist to help those who suffered the same way she did. She also considered being a teacher. At the time I believed she was a compassionate person. I valued how accepting she seemed of my own past and struggles.

Then I came to learn that this was merely an idealization phase. The truth of the matter is she's trapped in retail-hell forever, detains working with children, loathes the entire academic process, only wants to work with children because she views herself as being incapable of anything else, she experiences emotions so intensely to the outright exclusion of all else, and raged at even the slightest sign of my personal discomfort as I push myself forward in my own career. For example, being alone in a room on a desk, while appearing a bit flustered and upset, and being screamed at for it.

What I initially experienced clearly any sort of compassion. So as of late I've been putting myself out there as much as possible. Every step of the way I question whether or not the next person I'm speaking with is BPD, poorly adjusted, or simply incapable of compassion. I cannot help but wonder if I'm remotely capable of recognizing decent human beings anymore and that freaks me out. Any input is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[StillAlive]

I cannot edit my messages but I've meant to say, "What I initially experienced clearly wasn't* any sort of compassion."

Thank you.

[numb_buddha]

Hi StillAlive

I'm currently going through much of what you are going through, filled with a lot of self-doubt now. I've certainly not figured this whole BPD recovery thing out but, when reading your writing, it dawned on me that you can indeed identify compassion - it's why that relationship did not work... .

Think about it.

Warmly,

numb_buddha