Adult children hate their momster (my X) - I don't give a rat's ...

[Forestaken]

My s2bx+uBPD+uOCD left me and the kids (at the time h.s. and comm college) and took the money we jointly saved for their college.

I am struggling to help them get through college while she is living off spouse support.  She is getting a lot from the divorce proceedings. (she is now demanding the refrig, W/D, and family TV) This angers the children even more, they hate her.

I hate to see them angry but at the same time I don't give a sh-t! My s2bx is reaping what she sowed.  If her kids hate her - so freakin what IMO.

Comments?

[Unleashed]

I'd calm down, accept the kids' perspective but don't encourage it. Be the icon of hope, as you seemingly have been. Actions speak for them selves. (And I understand your zeal at this point)

[DreamGirl]

Forestaken, I understand your frustration. Paying for college while she lives off spousal would be really hard.

I'd be pretty mad too. 

I'd calm down, accept the kids' perspective but don't encourage it. Be the icon of hope, as you seemingly have been. Actions speak for them selves. (And I understand your zeal at this point)

I really like this advice.

[mywifecrazy]

I hate to see them angry but at the same time I don't give a sh-t! My s2bx is reaping what she sowed.  If her kids hate her - so freakin what IMO.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Look up some of my posts. My sons (9&14) get discussted with their Mom abandoning them and not helping pay for anything. I can see them starting to dislike her for her actions. She WILL reap what she sows. I agree with you... So freaking what!

BUT... . I try not to focus on her negative actions and instead I try reassure my boys just how much their Dad loves them and I try to make things as stable as I can when they are with me which is most of the time.

Hang in there!

[ForeverDad]

My first thought would be to validate their observations, however that's usually when the kids are struggling to gain objective perceptions.  Seems they're already there!   Likewise I'd be careful not to invalidate them by encouraging them to weaken their sense of outrage, justice or injustice.  They have a right to be peeved.  Without taking their sides with additional blaming nor opposing - after all, they've a right to be righteously outraged - perhaps you should phrase it that you're in a situation where there's not that much you can do about it, what with the legal process, laws, case law, rules, policies and procedures.  Add that you won't enable her but on the other hand you have only limited choices.

Do they want to go into divorce court and speak their minds?  May not be a bad idea but I don't know if it's allowed.  Even if it is then I'm not sure what impact that would have legally.  Would it make it a bit easier for them to heal and move on?