Extreme Jealousy

[Depression = 72% of members]

I never have known anyone as jealous as my uBPDstbxw.

Below are some examples of the jealousy. I am trying to heal from all this and thought it would be theraputic to post this here. I get how I shouldn't of put up with all this now. Basically enabling her I guess. When you like somebody and then it turns to love I thought this is stuff to overlook because nobodys perfect. Lesson/Lessons learned from this relationship.

If I gave her a flower - she would ask if I ever gave that type of flower to another girl before. When I said no, she would call me a liar and get angry and ruin the day.

Many times when we went to a place in our town - she would ask if I ever took a girl here (whatever place or street). If I always said no she knew I was lieing because I dated a lot in my town and lived here many years. So I was damned either way on yes or no. Most of the time I'd say no though. So she either called me a liar or she was miserable and angry that I was ever there with someone else and then she ruined the day.

She asked me what my perfect type of girl is. I described my ex basically (which was the wise thing to do plus she was my type really). She called me a liar and that I wanted a different type of girl got mad and ruined the day.

One time a girl shook hands with me and just introduced herself in a casual friendly way. It was just because I was at this company / entertainment place in town a lot and she worked there. Innocent totaly. I had to answer for this for weeks. I basically was on trial for this action of the handshake and telling a girl my name.

She interogated me about all my past girlfriends. Questions I had to face were what would I do or say if we saw this ex girlfriend in public. All answers that were not "I will ignore her and keep walking" made her mad and were not acceptable at all.

When she was driving, if a pretty girl walked by our field of vision she would yell "You want her don't you!" She would be mad all day and drive around like a lunatic.

Anyone else here deal with this type of extreme jealousy?

[AwakenedOne]

I never have known anyone as jealous as my uBPDstbxw.

Below are some examples of the jealousy. I am trying to heal from all this and thought it would be theraputic to post this here. I get how I shouldn't of put up with all this now. Basically enabling her I guess. When you like somebody and then it turns to love I thought this is stuff to overlook because nobodys perfect. Lesson/Lessons learned from this relationship.

If I gave her a flower - she would ask if I ever gave that type of flower to another girl before. When I said no, she would call me a liar and get angry and ruin the day.

Many times when we went to a place in our town - she would ask if I ever took a girl here (whatever place or street). If I always said no she knew I was lieing because I dated a lot in my town and lived here many years. So I was damned either way on yes or no. Most of the time I'd say no though. So she either called me a liar or she was miserable and angry that I was ever there with someone else and then she ruined the day.

She asked me what my perfect type of girl is. I described my ex basically (which was the wise thing to do plus she was my type really). She called me a liar and that I wanted a different type of girl got mad and ruined the day.

One time a girl shook hands with me and just introduced herself in a casual friendly way. It was just because I was at this company / entertainment place in town a lot and she worked there. Innocent totaly. I had to answer for this for weeks. I basically was on trial for this action of the handshake and telling a girl my name.

She interogated me about all my past girlfriends. Questions I had to face were what would I do or say if we saw this ex girlfriend in public. All answers that were not "I will ignore her and keep walking" made her mad and were not acceptable at all.

When she was driving, if a pretty girl walked by our field of vision she would yell "You want her don't you!" She would be mad all day and drive around like a lunatic.

Anyone else here deal with this type of extreme jealousy?

[Emelie Emelie]

Oh God yes.  Extreme, crazy, irrational jealousy.  Accompanied by extreme, crazy, irrational rages.  Suddenly furious at me when we leave the restaurant.  He saw me staring at that "Richard Gere looking guy" all night.  (Trust me... . if there was a Richard Gere looking guy I didn't see him.)  And that's just a short easy story.  I have dozens.  I'm sure lots of us do.

[Jason886]

The irrational jealousy was the final straw for me with my BPD friend. I originally mistook her behavior as a sign that she had feelings for me. In hindsight I can see that she was 'defending her emotional vending machine'.

Because she was a waif she didn't rage instead she became extremely manipulative. She would come into the copy room whenever I was in there talking to my female friend, she didn't print anything she just came into the room and intruded into the conversation. She would get anxious and agitated whenever I was talking to another female.

The greatest example was when I took a female friend to a work function. Wow, what a reaction. She got extremely drunk and tried to get me drunk with her. She made every effort to get me away from my friend. She gave her coat to another girl and said she didn't need it and then when I took mine of she grabbed it and wore it the whole day. My friend said afterwards "I'm surprised she didn't piss on your coat to mark her territory". Finally, she pulled me aside because she got yelled at for smoking and played the victim card telling this big story about how she was bullied all throughout school and the damage it had done to her. She later admitted she lied about being bullied because she wanted my sympathy and attention.

We had a big fallout but were still friends. However her behavior didn't change. A work colleague noticed her watching me one day while I was talking to my female friend from the copy room, apparently she had her fingers gnarled at her keyboard, staring aggressively at us. A week later she came into the copy room making a scene about how sick she was and just stood there. Even though there was a 500 page print run going she said she would wait. I ignored her and kept talking to my friend, eventually she left because of how unwell she felt. I then saw herself myself aggressively watching my friend.

This was the final straw as I realized that she was not going to stop with the jealous behavior. I had also realized by this stage that they were not jealous actions based on feelings but rather an attempt to control and maintain her emotional supply. I ended the friendship a week later.

[afdezm]

mine when i was in the street with her, she asked me: do you think this this girl is beatiful? (anyone in the street). If you said "yes" hell on hearth, then she ruined the day, if you said "no" you are a liar and bla bla and then she ruined the day.

Always is a non-win situation.

[bungenstein]

Oh god yes I felt like I was devoting my life to dealing with her paranoia and jealousy.

Any film I put on with a girl she deemed semi attractive = explosion = couldn't watch a lot of films together, even flicking through TV channels I would have to be very very careful.

Two of my best friends were getting married, she saw me talking to a girl at the reception which sent her into a rage, she was chasing me around the wedding going mental at me, I had to escape in the car and leave her at the wedding, I got home and had to punch the hell out of a wall to release my anger, I missed the rest of the wedding.

Having a night out with all of her friends, they were all dancing in a circle, I tried to get involved, she exploded in the club, accusing me of wanting to have sex with all of her friends.

Night out again, we all bundled into a taxi, because I wasn't sitting next to her she started to lose it, by the end of the night she was chasing me around the town, I fled into a mcdonalds and tried to hide in the toilet, she found me, chased me to the station, her friends were already there, we got on a full train and she proceeded to shout at me and chase me down the train making a scene infront of everyone, once we got home she chased me off the train then broke down into tears saying how much she loved me but didn't want to.

I couldn't go away anymore, I couldn't hang out with my friends without her accusing me of a million different things, she started trying to isolate me from them.

She would hide my mouse and headphones because she would get jealous of my work, so I couldn't do it. She would hide my car keys so that I was stuck in the house.

Anything that was something of my own accord had an ulterior motive in her mind, rages were at the minimum twice a week but often more, she would chase me around the house making accusations, often I would hold my hands to my ears for a good half an hour, but she wouldn't stop even I literally heard nothing that she said. I once managed to get away and lock myself in my parents house, she ran around the house screaming as loud as girl could scream, banging on every single door and a window, she even started kicking the front door, I had to write messages on my phone and hold them up to the window.

She once threatened me with a glass bottle, I think this was because I hadn't text her back for a few hours.

OH YOUNG LOVE!

[bungenstein]

Also I film weddings for a living, she would get jealous of the brides, people I am witnessing getting married, I mean, what the actual f*** is going on in her head?

[Take2]

Yes... . extreme jealousy and paranoia are definitely part of the disorder.  My ex is to the Nth degree.  It has no bearing on whether or not he has ruthlessly dumped and then shut me out completely, if he sees me talking to any remotely attractive man at work, he loses.  He insists that I have totally ruined his entire work life because I "threw myself" at his bosses.  No, they are my peers at work on my team.  I have to talk to them.  In no way did I ever throw myself at them.  I have specifically avoided men at all costs at work to show him respect and simply to avoid the rages if I didn't.  It didn't matter.  I was still accused of it anyway.  Even when I flat out ignored emails from a VP of the company (a large company) trying to be friendly with me.  A completely rude and stupid move on my part - but I couldn't even tell the ex this because if he knew the guy had emailed me, even knowing the fact that I deleted those emails with NO response, he would have raged.  It was also a no win situation.  We are totally fractured/apart now - but even now, when we were in a meeting last week where his one boss was, I saw that flash of rage at me with curled fist, simply because the guy looked at me for a second while he was talking.  12 million other examples of irrational, paranoid rage... .    it stinks for all involved... .

[froggy]

my uBPDh is the opposite. .no jealousy what so ever... . he pretty much thinks and has told me that no one else would want me. I have had guys hit on me right in front of him and have hinted for him to help me out to get the guy away from me... just laughed and walked away...

[DownandOut]

Absolutely yes! My uBPDexgf would get on me because I was "such a flirt." If we were at a restaurant and the waitress was a female any smile or friendly comment made to that woman would be immediately interpreted as me flirting. I was once on the phone with a woman from a service that sold couples massages on the beach (I was trying to buy a couples massage for her bday). The woman commented on my accent and she mentioned that she was from somewhere in Chicago. Me, knowing many people in Chicago, began talking about how much I love that city. I was simply being nice, but I was admonished by my ex for flirting with this woman - a woman who btw WAS ON THE PHONE.

Additionally, I couldn't be friends on social media with any of her single friends. If her single friend requested me or commented on something I would post, she would seethe and talk bad about that person who was supposedly her friend. She thought I was trying to date at least 3 of her friends.

On one occasion, my consciousness of her extreme jealousy caused me to not bring up the fact that my ex-gf was at a party that we were at. She later found out that I didn't tell her about it and used it as a weapon against me at any chance she could.

I made the mistake of telling my ex about a woman whom I had a brief affair with whom she knew. I had the affair with this woman a year AFTER MY EX DUMPED ME and probably dated every Tom, Dick and Harry around. Again, this brief affair, which I had every right to engage in, was used against me during devaluation.

The irony of this all is that she would tell me about every joe shmo that hit on her on a daily basis, talk about how her boss was in love with her and was always trying to get her to come out to dinner (which probably had some truth to it cause I met the guy and he was a real jerk), she would tell me about every single relationship she's ever had and wanted to know about every relationship I had, and even had the audacity to tell me that there were "a lot of good looking guys" in a place that we went one time. To think I actually put up with this!   

[JLK1011]

My stbexuBPDbf  constantly asks about my interactions at work. I work in a college. He asks if any males have made me laugh. During our first go round, I was 3 months pregnant and had just completed my first sprint triathlon. We were at a restaurant with my family, and he claims I was staring at a guy who was with two other women the whole time. When I had no clue what he was talking about, he became enraged accusing me of lying.

One time, at the gym, I looked at the clock through the windows, and he accused me of checking out some guy who was using the weight machine under the clock.

He told me he wanted me to stop running with my male friend who I view as an uncle while he continued female relationships.

He used to complain about his ex wife's weight. I've had two children in the past two years so needless to say my body doesn't look the way it used to. When I say I can't wait to lose all the baby weight, he tells me I am obsessive and that I am driving him crazy. He tells me he is concerned about what my weight loss will do to us.

The most recent was this weekend. I was pushing the children in the stroller and as I was rounding a corner, I guess a man looked at me and I looked back. I don't recall the "interaction" as he calls it. He was behind us and could describe the man perfectly. He asked me to define my definition of flirting. Usually, when he does this, he will intentionally do something and then claim I did it so he can or he will claim he didn't know it would hurt my feelings. For instance, if he thought I was flirting, he would intentionally flirt with someone in front of me and then ask I liked how it felt.

He asks about my past sex life- even after we've just had sex. I did comment about how weird I thought it was that he did that and instead of raging he hasn't asked for a couple of months.

I deleted my Facebook page so he could no longer accuse me of flirting. I don't wave hi to my neighbors anymore. I hardly talk to students. Being with a pwBPD ends up being a lonely relationship. 

[AwakenedOne]

Thanks for the responses and sharing those jealousy stories. It's helpful to know others have been through this and can relate.

AO

[Pecator]

Once I escorted her and her girlfriend of the dance floor holding both their hands. BIG MISTAKE

Once I spoke across the table with a couple sitting arm in arm and my ex beside me... . Apparently I was too engaged while speaking to the woman. Painted black for a week.

I took a friend who was terminally ill for dinner. Ran into some of his friends (who my ex knows). For got to mention it that night. All hell broke loose when I told her the following day.

Once we were watching a show (not porn) but it talked about a threesome. She said we couldn't ever do that. Even if it was another guy I would be too afraid he might find you attractive!

Had to give her that last one... . at least she was being fair and consistent!

[Lion Fire]

This is funny 

tbh I'm an average although interesting looking guy but certainly no Brad Pitt. She is an extremely attractive, sexy and charming Mediterranean woman.

I experienced jealousy and possessiveness from her that was waaaay beyond anything I have ever had.

One day on the underground a woman smiles at me and I smile back, nothing sinister. I'm loved and sexed up with a beautiful woman so it was certainly not flirting. I sense a shift in her immediately. Shortly thereafter, walking in a park, a girl looks at me, just looks, perhaps a second or two too long, I hear the sirens, a while later a gay guy checks me out while we were going into a shop.

This whole time we are holding hands and I'm feeling very much elated by her presence... . she goes cold and distant immediately... . mayday

That night, she erupts in violent fury, accusing me of cruising gay guys :-D, sending off massive signals to everyone that I'm available, "staring at only hot chics and not fat C**ts"! She shrieks about my loose boundaries with women and how I need to be responsible because I am a beautiful man in a committed relationship... .

She shows me (with a straight face) how to conduct myself in public- demonstrating how to keep eye contact to zero, a neutral look directed towards the middle distance and diverted to the  ground should there be an attractive woman... . I watch her in complete disbelief, wondering if it was a joke. It wasn't 

Another huge blow up a few days later at a market when a woman randomly looked at me across a table. She told me that even her friends had mentioned that I was sending off a vibe and floating around all day checking out attractive women. Complete nonsense. She scowled at me for the rest of the day and ruined the outing. I knew the vice was tightening but mistook it for "love" in my delirious state of euphoric infatuation.

Needless to say, a few weeks later I was "ugly inside and out, I stink, was a useless lover, she didn't fancy me, she needed a real man to f**k her, hated my hair etc... . "

I wonder sometimes what her truth was ... . the "beautiful man" or the "ugly inside and out" etc. I have come to the conclusion that none of it was true. It was all an illusion... .

[Pecator]

This is funny 

She told me that even her friends

Here is an interesting twist. I have read it a couple of times here. Anyone else witness this around the jealousy thing?

My ex relentlessly would say, "Even 'so-in-so' noticed. They were embarrassed for me."

The first few times worked well, and I felt horrible. But EVERY TIME? I began to see, she couldn't even keep the focus on her jealousy. It was offensive to others around her.

What a game!

[Lion Fire]

Pecator,

aye, I got that several times and concluded the following:

1. she was talking ___, or...

2. her friends were talking ___ to her, or...

3. they were all talking ___

I'll go with 1. 

[HappyNihilist]

My exbf was unbelievably jealous. Very possessive and controlling of me. I have stories that make me sick. I could write a book full of those alone.

[Take2]

Here is an interesting twist. I have read it a couple of times here. Anyone else witness this around the jealousy thing?

My ex relentlessly would say, "Even 'so-in-so' noticed. They were embarrassed for me."

Yep - my ex did this also - but first he would change the circumstances of whatever totally random innocent scenario had occurred.  Ie, sitting next to a male coworker in a meeting.  Somehow by the time he thought about it, my ex would decide that I had thrown myself at the male coworker and that the other coworkers would feel sorry for him.

He made up scenarios completely - the longer time goes by the more he changes any scenario to better fit his need to justify his anger. 

It helped to have a coworker or two that I could askabout certaindetails of things to be clearin my own head about what had occurred - since my ex is so good at twisting things he constantly had me questioning myself.

[Jason886]

I was kind of lucky in that I had the reverse scenario happen to me. My co-workers saw the jealous behavior of my BPD. They recognized that she was jealous, manipulative and needy. Even her friends at work saw her behavior and thought it was odd.

It's helped me somewhat with accepting that this wasn't all in my head and that it was her behavior that caused the majority (not all) of the problems we had.

[suffering_parent]

My ex was exactly like most of these stories.    I didn't dare watch movies or TV with her.   In her mind I only watched them to see the girls.

Any friends, babysitters or any women that came around I was immediately in trouble for.    Some of them were so fat and ugly I would never have been interested.    It did not matter!   I was after them all.   The sad part is it left me in a spot where I could not be nice to any women in our life.   If I was my life would be absolute hell.   All her friends of course hate me - not knowing what was really going on.

At one point I mentioned I knew who Danica Patrick was.   I heard about that for 4-5 years in every argument I swear.   Unbelievable.

[HappyNihilist]

I could not talk to another man. I could not talk about another man. I could not talk about any past relationships. I could never do anything to imply that there had ever been or ever would be any man in my universe besides him.

At one point I mentioned I knew who Danica Patrick was.   I heard about that for 4-5 years in every argument I swear.   Unbelievable.

Early on, I mentioned that I'd had a huge crush on [a hot actor] for 20 years. (If I recall correctly, this was in response to him asking me.) Oh, I never ever heard the end of that one... .