7 months strict no contact.

[Ritchie53]

I am 1 day away from 7 months strict no contact. It has been hard, very hard, but I have tried immensely to focus on myself during this time and also followed the tongue in cheek guide to the letter to getting them back. Likewise, I do not want mine back, but am very curious as to a reconnection once I am fully healed. Mines explanation in particular would make a fascinating read for these forums if reconnection ever occurred.

What I do know is that gifts from the new soulmate were plastered over social media claiming what a lucky girl she was (during our relationship the same sort of gifts were sneered at) and holidays have been taken to places we discussed going - also any gift of value I gave have been sold openly over social media - please note that I was informed of this and have been very good about not stalking the exes facebook/twitter etc - I actually blocked her and the new guy (which was conveniently her once cheating, abusing ex).

What I do know is that the cheating and smear campaigns online - although devastating for me - did not work as I rose to nothing that happened in the aftermath. 7 months strict no contact restored my dignity and I am hopeful that a further 5 or 6 months will do much to even me out completely.

So, onto a reconnection... . will it ever happen, I personally don't think so, if it did happen with 12+ months gone by I can be sure that by that time I will be back to full strength and able to deal with it.

[GuiltHaunted]

(which was conveniently her once cheating, abusing ex).

I take any statement that my ex made about her ex's with a grain of salt, nowadays. Most likely they were all pretty nice guys. Probably I am the "abusing cheating ex" now.

Just saying... .

[numb_buddha]

(which was conveniently her once cheating, abusing ex).

I take any statement that my ex made about her ex's with a grain of salt, nowadays. Most likely they were all pretty nice guys. Probably I am the "abusing cheating ex" now.

Just saying... .

My feelings exactly.

[Ritchie53]

Quote from: GuiltHaunted on Today at 10:32:19 AM

Quote

(which was conveniently her once cheating, abusing ex).

I take any statement that my ex made about her ex's with a grain of salt, nowadays. Most likely they were all pretty nice guys. Probably I am the "abusing cheating ex" now.

Just saying... .

My feelings exactly.

This is exactly what I am - When I first met I was regaled with stories of how men had treated her badly, at the time I was oblivious to her 'condition', I knew deep down I was a reasonably wholesome guy, a kind man, and generous. All that was nuked - the only thing that keeps me going is that I have had 4 long term relationships (between 9 months and 4 years) previously - not once have I ever been accused of cheating, abuse etc, and actually one or two exes do speak quite highly of me even years later. It keeps me going.

[winston72]

Hey Ritchie53... . thanks for your encouraging post. 

You mention wondering about reconnecting with her in the future.  Is this something that you want to happen?  Are you hoping she will reach out to you?  Your phrasing sounds a bit like you do not have control over this in the future.  What is it about this possibility that intrigues you?

[Ritchie53]

Hi Winston72

In all truth I am at that stage between rage/anger/depression and final acceptance. Obviously I have worked very hard for my No Contact - made easier because she was with someone else instantly and tried to initiate very little contact herself that being well over 6 months ago.

I suppose it intrigues me because when she devastated me on the final meeting, she gave me zero closure as these people do, absolutely nothing and not only that she saw how devastated I was and went in for the emotional kill. I truly saw her mask slip that night, not metaphorically, I LITERALLY saw it, her face changed and her eyes were black - I have never seen that before - very scary (sounds like something from a horror movie but it really was like that).

A small part of me wants a reconnect, I would be very curious to see how conversation could be initiated, how she feels I view her - one of her parting phrases was 'we both know the truth' - strange, but its as if she showed her inner horror directly to me (one of the few people in her life who have ever seen it) and this makes me wonder whether she would even dare reconnect. My gut tells me I was painted heavily black because I saw too much, and deep down she knows I saw too much - hence why I think I got a hefty smear campaign - one that could not possibly have a reconnection attached.

One of the first objectives of my No Contact was to quash the accusations of being a stalker and a bunny boiler - a sad side effect when trying to text/call to get answers as to what is going on etc. Another objective was to get 'out of sight, out of mind' - I was the painted black devil, but with enough No Contact - the inner rage and hatred has to turn to someone else eventually.

[coolioqq]

I suppose it intrigues me because when she devastated me on the final meeting, she gave me zero closure as these people do, absolutely nothing and not only that she saw how devastated I was and went in for the emotional kill. I truly saw her mask slip that night, not metaphorically, I LITERALLY saw it, her face changed and her eyes were black - I have never seen that before - very scary (sounds like something from a horror movie but it really was like that).

I have little to no comment on this as I now firmly believe that there is something evil possessing their entire being... . It's not them - they are not inherently evil... . They just can't or don't know how to fight it out. It's truly a dark state of mind. Those eyes going black and inwards as they look at you with incredible hatred - I know exactly what you saw... . As have many others here... .

A small part of me wants a reconnect, I would be very curious to see how conversation could be initiated, how she feels I view her - one of her parting phrases was 'we both know the truth' - strange, but its as if she showed her inner horror directly to me (one of the few people in her life who have ever seen it) and this makes me wonder whether she would even dare reconnect. My gut tells me I was painted heavily black because I saw too much, and deep down she knows I saw too much - hence why I think I got a hefty smear campaign - one that could not possibly have a reconnection attached.

Personally, I shut that small part of myself down - that small part of myself wants to see me become a shadow... .

How she feels you view her likely changes every 15 minutes. You are throwing the stick into the water there - it simply won't stick.

A person one loves should not be the playground for the fire coming from the darkest corners of their soul. Darkness is ever-present in every human being but it is to be fought against with the help of that special one, and not be let out to devour the loved one.