She's updating me on how counseling is going

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi All,

Just wanted to share something that really makes me smile... .

Since we broke up my BPDexgf has continued her counseling... . She has been going for about 8 weeks now, and it started at 2 sessions a week... .

After each session she goes to now she updates me on how it went... . etc... . 90% of the rest of the time we are NC... .

She has acknowledged that she needs the help and I make it easier on her and tell her I'm in counseling too because we both were out of control... . seems to make it easier on her to swallow her getting help... . I am not goiing to counseling anymore... .

SO today she texts me and says "I'm sorry for being physical with you. We're realizing that my teenage years were sad sad and lonely times... . and whatever it is thats happened to me, its from that period of time... . When I moved from China I didnt know the language and my parents didnt show me attention... I was alone."

I told her to keep up the great work... . She told me they are upping her meds, and I'm so proud of her I cannot explain... .

Wanted to share some news that I NEVER thought would happen... . But if I wouldnt have left I dont think she would have taken getting help as seriously... .

I'm routing for her from the sideline and it rocks, she has the best heart under all that rage.

[Boisnix79]

Hi All,

Just wanted to share something that really makes me smile... .

Since we broke up my BPDexgf has continued her counseling... . She has been going for about 8 weeks now, and it started at 2 sessions a week... .

After each session she goes to now she updates me on how it went... . etc... . 90% of the rest of the time we are NC... .

She has acknowledged that she needs the help and I make it easier on her and tell her I'm in counseling too because we both were out of control... . seems to make it easier on her to swallow her getting help... . I am not goiing to counseling anymore... .

SO today she texts me and says "I'm sorry for being physical with you. We're realizing that my teenage years were sad sad and lonely times... . and whatever it is thats happened to me, its from that period of time... . When I moved from China I didnt know the language and my parents didnt show me attention... I was alone."

I told her to keep up the great work... . She told me they are upping her meds, and I'm so proud of her I cannot explain... .

Wanted to share some news that I NEVER thought would happen... . But if I wouldnt have left I dont think she would have taken getting help as seriously... .

I'm routing for her from the sideline and it rocks, she has the best heart under all that rage.

[Boisnix79]

OOps it was a trick! She's back at the guilty making convos. Saying Im a liar and I dont love her anymore and I may as well stop Lying... . She cant do this anymore, etc etc etc... .

It's all very dramatic and stressful... . I hope she sticks with counseling. I'm not giving her any ammunition to work with now.

I think she was updating me and tellign me why she was physical so I reengage... . Yikes kinda manipulative... .

[heartandwhole]

Yikes, that is kind of disturbing, Boisnix79.  Therapy is probably bringing up stuff for her, and it makes sense that some of the reactions will be directed at someone close.

How is the detachment process going for you? 

[12BarBlues]

After each session she goes to now she updates me on how it went... . etc... . 90% of the rest of the time we are NC... .

Wanted to share some news that I NEVER thought would happen... . But if I wouldnt have left I dont think she would have taken getting help as seriously... .

I'm routing for her from the sideline and it rocks, she has the best heart under all that rage.

I fell into the trap of playing the part of her therapist after we "broke up" once. It is a role that enmeshed me into her even deeper. Tread carefully on assuming you are the reason for her entering therapy, she is telling you that she is discovering wounds from her childhood, where you a part of her life then? If not then she may have had these issues well before you entered the picture. What would happen if you stayed 100% NC with her? 

OOps it was a trick! She's back at the guilty making convos. Saying Im a liar and I dont love her anymore and I may as well stop Lying... . She cant do this anymore, etc etc etc... .

It's all very dramatic and stressful... . I hope she sticks with counseling. I'm not giving her any ammunition to work with now.

I think she was updating me and tellign me why she was physical so I reengage... . Yikes kinda manipulative... .

What is the positive value of being treated like this by someone? Romantic relationship or not? She is using passive -aggression on you here by making you affirm your love for her. It's part of the manipulation yes but if you realize that then why do you keep the door open to contact from her? Food for thought.

[Boisnix79]

How is the detachment process going for you?  

You know, I think I'm very clear that I couldn't be with her unless a LOT of work is done by her... . Detachment wise I'm doing really well though, I miss her when I get lonely and that is about it... . I dont miss her as a person because she injured me too much... . Its gonna take a while for me to heal.

What would happen if you stayed 100% NC with her?

 

I just text her to please not contact me anymore... . I think I just got lonely and having contact with her was filling the void of being alone. You are right, NC is my new way.

What is the positive value of being treated like this by someone? Romantic relationship or not? She is using passive -aggression on you here by making you affirm your love for her. It's part of the manipulation yes but if you realize that then why do you keep the door open to contact from her? Food for thought.

There is very little to no value in this communication. Her passive agressive nature is making me hurt more and more... . its very difficult... . I suppose its all part of me learning what my boundaries are and should be... . Ive since told her to please not contact me anymore. The door is closed.

[Boisnix79]

I also obviously have no idea how to work with the quote system we have going on here