Validation rules

[Bee Girl]

Hello,

I just wanted to share a small success that is largely due to the learning I've gotten from this site. My bf came home yesterday ranting about something frustrating he'd encountered at work, and instead of trying to (control) de-escalate his rant as I previously would have (perhaps by pointing out that maybe these people weren't incompetent, maybe they were given bad instruction or having a bad day, etc.),  I just listened and validated.

At the end of an admittedly short and reasonable venting he smiled and said "Wow, you're saying all the right things!" and gave me a big hug. We then talked about going grocery shopping.

It's the little things. Thank you.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ziniztar]

YAY! I'm so happy for you, that is wonderful. 

I'd like to add my mini-succes story as well. It has less to do with him and more with me. When my dBPDbf is venting now, I no longer see it as a disinterest in me - which used to get me angry and sometimes us in a fight. As you did; I listen, validate, which makes him "land back" earlier than before, leaving more room for genuine interest in my day. I've accepted that he'll always "go first" and we've had wonderful stress-free how-was-your-day-talks now.



What about a separate mini-succes-road-to-recovery thread? I feel the big thread is for the "WE'VE MADE IT" stories that can take years. I'd like to share mini-successes as well and they can encourage others to take it step by step.

[Bee Girl]

I'm all for that! It helps to see the way that the tools work and the road to "we've made it" works.