I am heartbroken and miss my wife...

[kfifd196]

So, we were only married  months before my uBPDwife left, after biting me.  She's raged before and did damage to the house, hit me, etc.  Somehow, it's always MY FAULT and she takes NO responsibility for her irrational behavior.  It's OK to get mad about things, but bitiing, throwing things and hitting people is irrational.  She did $1000 of damage one time.  I watchedd our  wedding video and listened to the vows she wrote.  They were beautiful and spoke of how she "would always be there for me", "would be here for life", "I'm her soulmate", "She never thought she'd find her true love until she met me", etc... . Now, she files for divorce after biting me, after ONLY 9 months of marriage.  Complete split.  It began in January, eased up, then she just cut me out of her life.  :)id the vows mean anything?  When she said them, they were from the heart.  Now, she HATES me and I wonder if she even remembers the vows.  I am heartbroken and miss my wife... . Can BPD's just forget these things?

[AwakenedOne]

kfifd,

You and I have very similar stories. Refer to my recent {Regarding Empathy} thread that was posted here a couple days ago. It will really help you answer this question.

Yeah the wedding vows... . That is the reason I stayed with her for the 4yr marriage. In the end though she abandoned me in a cruel way. I was told all the nice things too like you were. Unfortunately the person that yelled at you is more close to being the real her than the person who said you are so great. It's sad to understand that. In understanding that though it's easier to move on because you deserve better. So do I. We had vows and a prayer at the ceremony. We spent a lot of time writing those vows. Looking back she seemed bored at the time of writing them.    I have had trouble understanding how she now has 0 empathy for me. Hang in there, it gets easier over time. I'm 8 months NC with my uBPDstbx of 4 years. I soo understand.



AO

Refer to the Regarding Empathy thread. I promise you will see comments that will help you understand it all.

[Emelie Emelie]

I'm so sorry for the pain you're in.  Sending you hugs.  I'm sure she meant it all at the time.  She believed everything she said to you.  There's just no emotional constancy in these relationships.  Mine could swing from appearing to love me to appearing to hate me in the blink of the eye. 

I don't know if they just forget these things.  I do believe most of them blame us when their feelings change.  It's our fault... . we didn't meet their needs in some way.  We didn't make everything better for them.  We didn't fill them up and erase their pain and insecurity and loneliness. That's what I'm going through with my BF right now.  What we have to realize is that we can't.  It's an inhuman task.  It's bigger than us.  That's a super hard thing to accept, I know.  And it's so hard to understand how they can just discard us.  When we worked so hard to give them those things that they need. 

Hang in there.