kfifd,
You and I have very similar stories. Refer to my recent {Regarding Empathy} thread that was posted here a couple days ago. It will really help you answer this question.
Yeah the wedding vows... . That is the reason I stayed with her for the 4yr marriage. In the end though she abandoned me in a cruel way. I was told all the nice things too like you were. Unfortunately the person that yelled at you is more close to being the real her than the person who said you are so great. It's sad to understand that. In understanding that though it's easier to move on because you deserve better. So do I. We had vows and a prayer at the ceremony. We spent a lot of time writing those vows. Looking back she seemed bored at the time of writing them.

I have had trouble understanding how she now has 0 empathy for me. Hang in there, it gets easier over time. I'm 8 months NC with my uBPDstbx of 4 years. I soo understand.
AO
Refer to the Regarding Empathy thread. I promise you will see comments that will help you understand it all.