Weekend of Hell

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Well I am out and staying at my brothers till I get my apartment later this week but it was anything but a smooth exit.

I got home from work Friday and it started as soon as I walked in the door. It started with begging and telling me it will be different/better and she is going to get help etc then went to me kicking her to the curb and me being a coward etc. This went on for a couple hours then our son got home and she started telling him how his dad wad deserting his mom when she was trying and she was crying and just losing it. I asked to stop involving him and told her he didn't need to be involved in this.

Well his girl friend came over and i went to watch the hockey game with them in the basement and my wife started coming down to throw a few jabs then she would storm back upstairs then back down again (this was repeated the whole night).she uttered suicidal threats numerous times to my son as well as me and she started drinking. (we haven't drank in years).

The night went on like this till around 2:30 as well as alot of nasty texts. I was sleeping with one eye open so to speak. She finally came down at around 8:30 and it all started over again. I was trying to pack and she just would not stop. I was in the bathroom getting my toothbrush and stuff when she came in and told me I was staying in there until I promised to stay. She said I would have to hit her to get out then the police could take me away (I have never raised a hand  to her or even called her a name the entire 24 years). She took a razor and started swiping it across her arm, luckily it didn't cut but the threats of self harm just kept coming.

Finally I realized I was not getting out of there on my own and her constant talk of suicide was an issue so I called the police . The police came and ended up taking her to her sisters and telling her to stay the night there. I called my brother and sister and I packed up all my stuff and left. My son was in his room the whole time and after we were almost done I went and talked to him, it broke my heart seeing him hurting. His mom sent him a text that night asking him to get her a gun so she could kill herself, he showed me ans asked what was he supposed to to with this, how was he supposed to react. I told him it wasn't his job to look after her and she needed medical help, I told him the apartment is his as well and if things get to be too much for him he has a place with me anytime.

My older son basically disowned me and he's hurting too but can,t accept that it's over, he is alot like his mother. I know in time he will come around to realizing I am his father and didn't do this to hurt anyone.

My daughter has been very supportive and came to see me yesterday and we talked about the whole mess, not that she didn't know how things were but I just needed to talk to her face to face, I had to see her. I asked that she not keep her kids from my wife (actually her stepmom) as I don't want to take that from her. My daughter is just a little worried that my wife will say things to the little ones (4 and 6) and I could easily see her telling the grandkids how their grandpa threw their grandma to the curb and things like that.

Anyway I'm out but the hard parts are not over, I know I will feel guilt and doubt in my decision for self preservation. My daughter told me when I feel that way just think of the text my wife sent my 19 yr old son that night and shes right. I do have good family support and I will be leaning on them through this and I know I will be up better in the end but at time it won't be easy.

[grover11]

Well I am out and staying at my brothers till I get my apartment later this week but it was anything but a smooth exit.

I got home from work Friday and it started as soon as I walked in the door. It started with begging and telling me it will be different/better and she is going to get help etc then went to me kicking her to the curb and me being a coward etc. This went on for a couple hours then our son got home and she started telling him how his dad wad deserting his mom when she was trying and she was crying and just losing it. I asked to stop involving him and told her he didn't need to be involved in this.

Well his girl friend came over and i went to watch the hockey game with them in the basement and my wife started coming down to throw a few jabs then she would storm back upstairs then back down again (this was repeated the whole night).she uttered suicidal threats numerous times to my son as well as me and she started drinking. (we haven't drank in years).

The night went on like this till around 2:30 as well as alot of nasty texts. I was sleeping with one eye open so to speak. She finally came down at around 8:30 and it all started over again. I was trying to pack and she just would not stop. I was in the bathroom getting my toothbrush and stuff when she came in and told me I was staying in there until I promised to stay. She said I would have to hit her to get out then the police could take me away (I have never raised a hand  to her or even called her a name the entire 24 years). She took a razor and started swiping it across her arm, luckily it didn't cut but the threats of self harm just kept coming.

Finally I realized I was not getting out of there on my own and her constant talk of suicide was an issue so I called the police . The police came and ended up taking her to her sisters and telling her to stay the night there. I called my brother and sister and I packed up all my stuff and left. My son was in his room the whole time and after we were almost done I went and talked to him, it broke my heart seeing him hurting. His mom sent him a text that night asking him to get her a gun so she could kill herself, he showed me ans asked what was he supposed to to with this, how was he supposed to react. I told him it wasn't his job to look after her and she needed medical help, I told him the apartment is his as well and if things get to be too much for him he has a place with me anytime.

My older son basically disowned me and he's hurting too but can,t accept that it's over, he is alot like his mother. I know in time he will come around to realizing I am his father and didn't do this to hurt anyone.

My daughter has been very supportive and came to see me yesterday and we talked about the whole mess, not that she didn't know how things were but I just needed to talk to her face to face, I had to see her. I asked that she not keep her kids from my wife (actually her stepmom) as I don't want to take that from her. My daughter is just a little worried that my wife will say things to the little ones (4 and 6) and I could easily see her telling the grandkids how their grandpa threw their grandma to the curb and things like that.

Anyway I'm out but the hard parts are not over, I know I will feel guilt and doubt in my decision for self preservation. My daughter told me when I feel that way just think of the text my wife sent my 19 yr old son that night and shes right. I do have good family support and I will be leaning on them through this and I know I will be up better in the end but at time it won't be easy.

[Emelie Emelie]

Oh Grover that sounds like utter hell.  I am glad you are out.  I don't even know what to say.  There is just no end to the pain and craziness of these relationships.

[fromheeltoheal]

I'm sorry you're in that crazy grover, it is extremely difficult and hurtful to navigate.

She's clearly triggered all the way, and your story suggests what we've learned, that undiagnosed and untreated BPD gets worse with age, not better.  I'm sure you know the most important thing is to protect yourself and your children as you disconnect and start to detach.  Take care of you!

[grover11]

Well thing's have settled a little since Saturday and I feel like I'm breathing a little easier.

My older son has pretty much written me off and is reacting much like his mother and it's ok that he lets me know how he feels.I told him I love him and I will just give him space and hope he does decide he wants a relationship with me at some point. The younger one is taking it much differently, he thinks it's a ___ty situation but he understands why I left. He has been communicating with me alot and seems to be handling things ok. I do worry a little that his mom and brother will give him a hard time for not feeling the same way about me as they do and I told him not to defend me to them, just walk away from the situation. He knows he has a home with me if he needs it no matter how long or short he decides to stay.

My daughter has been really supportive and I know there will be no issues with her and my 2 grandkids. So now I am just looking forward to the move Thursday but I know there will be times of guilt and doubt. I told my family I will be leaning on them to get through it and I know they will be there for me.

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement Emelie Emelie and fromheeltoheal they do mean alot and make a difference for me.