I just don't know what to do.

[Vindikat]

<Preface this with SORRY FOR LONG POST>

What pissed me off the most?  She pulled down the curtain rods that took forever to hang.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME... AM I NUMB... STUPID... REALLY THIS HORRIBLE AND MAKING HER DO THIS?

CAN I GET THE CURTAINS TO HANG SO PERFECTLY AGAIN? The FOG is unbearable

I'm in the process off extracting myself and taking the steps to make sure I'll be okay financially.

My GF finally calmed down after her path of destruction the only way she can.  She wants me to hug her.

For the life of me,this will always be a mystery. After every one of her episodes, she always needs to be hugged and can't understand why it's not on my list of things to do.

Anyway, I got out of the house by telling her that I was going to pick up her medication.  Oh yeah, forgot that she's been off her meds for a week.

The thing is I don't want to go back but in my FOG feel I have to cause I have her meds and debit card.  She kept saying I know your not coming back and I feel guilty.

When she gets like this she is a follower.  She will scream at the top of her lungs right behind me if I try to walk away.  She doesn't care who hears or sees her.  All the while telling me this is all my fault and I made her do this.

Today she barked an order to come back into the room, but I just kept walking and she went off.

I tried to leave and she grabbed my backpack and came at me doing her usual grabbing me and yanking my phone and wallet. Then she screams that the drugs I'm doing make act so horribly. Yet I don't do drugs and gave up drinking a few years back. 

All of this in front of her 29 year old diagnosed Schizophrenic son and yelling at him he's making her do this too. Could it get more FOGgy?

I guess I'm just a little worried that I may be so gone that nothing got to me except the curtains.

I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just prospective. I'm just numb but not giving up. I just don't know what to do.

[Emelie Emelie]

Hi Vindikat - It sounds like a very hurtful and difficult situation.  Can you get away for a couple of days?  Stay somewhere else?  Get your bearings and some perspective?

[numb_buddha]

Hi Vindikat,

Thank you for reminding me of what it was like and how I might have sounded when I was still in a relationship with my exBPDgf, lest I forget all of the confusion and fog. I do not envy you & my heart goes out to you.

I hope you have somewhere to go in all of this and, if not, keep posting away here. There's no shortage of understanding on this forum. Just knowing others have or are going through the worst of it has been invaluable to me. In a way, we all had the same lover.